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As we wrote about in our Buffalo Bills blog the other day, Jon Bon Jovi is rumored to be a potential buyer for this rag tag bunch of losers and is talking about moving the Bills to Toronto just to upset people. Well, mission accomplished. Not only has he become public enemy number one in Buffalo (until Tom Brady rips their hearts out again this year), he’s also gone and pissed off Bills legend, and soon to be NFL Hall of Famer Andre Reed:
“Man, fuck Bon Jovi!” Reed said. “You might as well just take this city, throw it in the river, and let it go down Niagara Falls.”
Absolutely brilliant. “Fuck Bon Jovi” might be the greatest quote in the history of washed up football players. Only someone who spent nearly his entire career playing in Buffalo would say something like that. I’m telling you people – there’s something in the water up there. If you live there for too long, you start to give zero fucks about anything. “Fuck Bon Jovi” will enter your vocabulary at some point. It’s a guarantee. That and “dick sandwiches.”
He wasn’t done though. Apparently he had one more person he wanted to share his feelings about during his Buffalonian airing of grievances – Johnny Manziel.
On a large screen behind the bar, ESPN was broadcasting a tweet from the Cleveland Browns’ jet-setting rookie, Johnny Manziel, referring to James as “my guy.”
“Who the fuck is Johnny Manziel?” Reed asked. “LeBron ain’t your guy! You’re not ‘Johnny Football.’ You’re ‘Johnny Rookie Bitch.’ ” Reed said he didn’t think a blue-collar town like Buffalo, which he thought wears an even truer shade of denim than Cleveland, would stand for Manziel’s antics. “They’d boo that motherfucker outta here,” he said. “The fans would put him in his place.”
OK it’s official – Andre Reed is by far my favorite person ever. He just won the Hall of Fame with these 30 seconds keeping it real. Basically sums up exactly what I was thinking: “Lebron ain’t your guy mother fucker” Brilliant. Like, who do this dingbat think he is? Because you beat Alabama once LeBron James is your bffl all of a sudden? As much as I am not a LeBron fan, at least he’s actually done something on the professional level. You’re a nobody Johnny, and your wack shit wouldn’t last five minutes in Buffalo!!!
Also, Johnny Rookie Bitch, is the awesomest nickname ever. You wanna be called Johnny Football? That’s cute. I just took a giant dump in that stall over there and wiped my ass with paper towels. Now it won’t flush. Go clean it up fuck boi. You can’t help but respect the old school style that Andre Reed brings to the table. No way he would survive in today’s modern NFL. With champions like Jonathan Martin crying to Deadspin every time a veteran is mean to them, Roger Goodell would’ve sent him to mandatory sensitivity training years ago.
Quite frankly we need more people like Andre Reed in the NFL and in life in general. No nonsense, tell it like it is, put dooshnozzles in their place, old school arbiters of justice.
Feel free to share your thoughts to keep the conversation going.
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