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Apparently down in Cape Cod there is a gang of wild turkeys who is actively bullying a Falmouth mailman “every day” on his route. They’re so problematic that the guy is forced to bring a stick with him, because like clockwork they will be waiting there all day for him like the fat kid in gym class. It’s pretty hilarious:
Get that mailman a safe space pronto!!! At the same time can you really blame the Turkeys? The weeks that follow Thanksgiving are basically a revenge tour for the turkey genocide that they were lucky enough to live through. It’s like after one of the 90’s ethnic genocides. Do the survivors move on with their lives, living next door to the same people who just tried to ethnically cleanse you? Or do you get sweet, glorious satisfaction? The turkeys obviously chose the latter.
Newsflash turkeys – you don’t even taste that good. You are the most overrated bird to eat. I haven’t any of your cousins on T-Day in years. Too much unsavory white meat. Ya see, turkey can never be the primary meat in a meal. It’s a sideshow meat. For instance, turkey sandwiches are boring and tasteless. But you throw some bacon and mayonnaise on there and you’ve got yourself a tastie little treat.
Because that’s the thing with turkey – they haven’t invented a meat that goes better with mayonnaise. I even buy turkey just so I have an excuse to eat mayo too. If I’m making a ham sandwich, ham is really more of a mustard meat. But if you toss a slice of turkey onto there then you’ve justified the use of mayo. But ultimately the turkey is just there to be tasteless and take up space.
Get over yourselves turkeys. I don’t even wanna eat you.
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14 Comment(s)
People don’t realize that turkeys can be a damn mean bird. But they’re fun to watch especially if you get a big flock.
The stuffing is the main event for me on thanksgiving. Though I do enjoy turkey, but it’s literally a once a year meal.
Turkey makes the best gravy too, in the poultry sector.
He’s not swinging the stick hard enough.
And if you think turkey isn’t tasty, you need to learn how to brine a turkey from my wife. She makes the BEST turkey…
“Ham is more of a mustard meat”
Truer words have never been spoken
Goulden’s spicy brown mustard, to be precise. And provolone cheese.
Savage! Grey Poupon or GTFO.
This is honestly the FUNNIEST thing I have seen in a long time!!!!!
Oh my !!!! This is so funny……. It’s just some turkeys, for God’s sake. Used to have some in my backyard a few years back.. Never had a bad problem with them at all…Just throw some bird seed or bread out and they’ll love you. If I had some guy with ugly legs and a stick whipping it around me, I’d give him a peck or two, too !!!!! Ha Ha Ha !!!!!!!
Maggie the cat,your looking too deep into this matter. This mailman is handling it like a man. He’s old school and doesn’t need to do anything more than he’s doing now. He’s my hero for the day
When I was younger, I was assaulted by a bottle of wild turkey, and couldn’t get over it. I was in a daze for days. The worst part was it stalked me for a year from a bookshelf. I finally plucked it and shot it until it was finished with some friends, but the thought still sends a shudder up my spine.
We need to eliminate a couple of variables here to solve the problem. First, wear different clothing for a couple of days. Turkeys may not like uniforms, so an entirely different wardrobe may work. Second, use a different vehicle. The turkeys can probably distinguish the sound of a mail truck from the sounds of all other vehicles. (The vehicle, I think is actually the key.) It could also be the timing of his route. In my neighborhood the turkeys keep to a regular schedule, believe it or not. If those approaches fail, the mail carrier can change the type of soap he uses in the shower or the type of aftershave he uses. If none of those work, then it’s personal. Perhaps he hurt or scared them in the past. That might require a transfer — of the mail carrier, not the turkeys.
Does anyone know if this happens to all mail carriers on this route or only to this one? I have noticed that sometimes we have a substitute mail carrier here.
Maybe he needs to carry a can of cranberry sauce mace for when they get too close!!!
Are you my mother?