Hoodrat Heroes

Cardi Bleach Uses Millionaire Parents Arrest In College Admissions Scandal To Promote Rap Album While Smoking Tumor Sized Blunts Outside Of 5th Avenue Penthouse

 

This is Malcolm “Billa” Abbot, one of the lucky sperms whose parents were caught up in the college admissions scandal.

His parents Greg and Marcia (yes, that’s right – his parents are named after the eldest siblings in the Brady Bunch) were arrested for getting his sister into college by having someone else fudge her ACT scores. The NY Post went to see if they could interview the parents at their ritzy Fifth Avenue home, but instead they ran into Malcolm on his mid-afternoon blunt break, and he was everything you dreamed he would be and more.

Maybe this is why Gregory and Marcia Abbott allegedly bought their daughter’s way into college. Their “rapper” son, Malcolm, popped out of the family’s Fifth Avenue building to smoke a giant blunt — while defending his parents and bragging about his latest CD.

“They’re blowing this whole thing out of proportion,” said Malcolm Abbott outside the home that overlooks the Metropolitan Museum of Art. “I believe everyone has a right to go to college, man.”

In between drags, Malcolm, whose father is the founder of food and beverage distributor International Dispensing Corp., admitted, “I didn’t go to college.” The toker, who sports a ponytail and raps under the name “Billa,” then shamelessly plugged his music. “Check out my CD, ‘Cheese and Crackers,’ ” he said of his 2018 five-track rec­ord that includes a song titled “If I Lost My Money.”

Later, Malcolm emerged with his brother, who groused to The Post on Tuesday his parents “got roped into [this by] some guy who f–king cheated them.” The parents are accused of paying admitted mastermind William “Rick” Singer $125,000to boost their struggling daughter’s ACT and SAT scores. Singer paid off an alleged crooked test proctor to inflate the girl’s scores to a perfect 800 on the SAT math exam and 710 on the literature test. On the ACTs, her score of 23 out of 36 was upped to a near-perfect 35, according to court filings.

Hellen Keller could roll a better blunt than that. Nevertheless, this is the greatest human I’ve ever seen. What better way to promote your newest rap album than by capitalizing on the great shame your millionaire parents have brought on your family.

“Everyone has a right to go to college.”

Yes, they do. And unfortunately several qualified students were denied the opportunity to go to the school of their choice because their parents couldn’t afford to bribe some con-artist in order to overcome for their failed parenting.

Yesterday Uncle Turtleboy published a blog about the IG “influencer” daughter of Aunt Becky and why she is symbolic of everything that is wrong with modern day culture. She is what rich girls with too much time and money, and a lack of parental supervision become. Malcolm “Billa” Brown is what the boys become. But sadly for him he hasn’t gained the notoriety that Aunt Becky’s crotch fruit has because middle aged men can’t masturbate to his Instagram account. Although his IG and YouTube accounts are as wigtacular as you dreamed it would be. Let’s look at some of Billa’s greatest hits. Here’s a smash single called “Money by the $to.

I got a crib with escalators, they ain’t seen what I seen, they ain’t roll how I roll.

Oh yea, MC Wonderbread sure has seen some shit. Living across the street from the MET and going to private boarding schools ain’t easy dawg. There’s plenty of rap videos that have been shot in New York in order to establish the street cred of the artist. Just usually that street isn’t 5th Avenue.

Hard to establish gangsta cred if you’re smoking blunts outside of an organic vegan juice bar.

The struggle is real.

And yes, Chance the Cracker did import a bunch of black dudes to smoke blunts outside of his parents multi million dollar house in the highest rent part of the country.

While his parents are out making deals and bribing their daughter into the school of her choice, E-401K is sitting at home reading Tupac and smoking blunts with the homies while rocking FILA.

Because FUBU would’ve been a bridge too far.

If some of those guys look familiar it’s because they may or may not be former members of Jurassic 5. Remember when they were a thing? Well I guess when your parents are some of the richest people in the country they can hook you up with washed up rap groups who can help promote and product your shitty music.

Then there was his smash collaboration “Get Some.”

It’s that white boy with the white noise

You can hear me through your airway

I be pissing in your stairway

It’s young Billa and I don’t know nothing bout that fair play.

And yes, he is wearing a “Make Rap Great Again” hat.

And yes, he seems to have intentionally gotten silver fillings and/or grills in his teeth despite the world class dental care he likely grew up receiving.

I have to respect how Talcum Abbott’s been taken in by this group of friends, considering the fact that he’s a lucky sperm who grew up in a penthouse overlooking Central Park. But then again, I assume everyone in that video is getting paid by him to be in it, so who wouldn’t humor the Notorious G.R.I.N.G.O. for that kind of easy money.

Then there’s his smash sensation “MaDaGasCarTrapStar.”

Newsflash Cardi Bleach – flashing stacks of cash in rap videos is only ghettofabulous if you made it by selling drugs. Cashing in your allowance at the bank doesn’t give you street cred.

Then finally there was “High School Villain.”

Who wore it better?

I don’t care baby I don’t got a job though, and I’m wild though, think I’m from Chicago

Yea, we all kind of figured that already.

The bottom line is, this is what happens when you value money over everything else. This is how you end up when you’re raised by a team of undocumented nannies. The non-stop pursuit of wealth means you don’t have time to make sure your kids are turning into decent human beings, because your plan all along was just to throw money at it and assume they’d turn out OK. But when you give your lucky sperm an iPhone and an unlimited allowance, this is what ends up happening.

 

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41 Comment(s)
  • Jim
    March 18, 2019 at 4:36 pm

    It’s the real life B-Rad

  • Lipstick Hippie
    March 16, 2019 at 7:01 am

    He’ll die a virgin.

  • cleverusername
    March 14, 2019 at 9:59 pm

    I could only watch the first video, but I don’t think you can pull off “gangsta” when you’re rapping next to mom’s cat stroller…

  • whatevuh
    March 14, 2019 at 7:24 pm

    I just fucking hate WIGGA’s

  • Cheryl
    March 14, 2019 at 7:02 pm

    OMG I laughed so fucking hard reading this! The videos were the icing on the cake.

  • Never mind the Kardashians
    March 14, 2019 at 4:37 pm

    I hate to say it but that kid gave me a good chuckle. He’s a modern day Billy Madison. Filthy rich and completely useless. That family should get a reality show it would be priceless. This kid rapping and pissing his parents off and his sister licking the school bus windows on the way to an Ivy League school. Absolute gold

  • WeRFucked
    March 14, 2019 at 4:16 pm

    When you have everything, and yet it’s not enough. Dude could be making 6+ figures in a cushy job, but nope… gotta be a dumb ass.

  • Maggie the Cat
    March 14, 2019 at 3:29 pm

    Does anybody here remember why Harvard University (formerly Harvard College) was named that? It was named for a rich guy in Boston who had a lot of books and donated them to Harvard for a new library (just the books, not the building). Rich people always have ways to get their kids into “exclusive” colleges and universities, like by building things on campus just to get their names in. That makes the people caught up in these schemes pretty stupid. They could have just bought off the schools and be done with it, and everyone would think they’ were wonderful for their generosity. Now all they’re getting for their money is a jail cell (I hope).

    • Lola Bunny
      March 14, 2019 at 7:36 pm

      I haven’t really researched this story yet and idk if it’s already been brought up but are they sure the parents knew what was going on? Is it possible some of these parents thought they were getting their kids help and that nothing illegal was going on? It just boggles my mind that they would do that knowing how illegal it is.

      • Are You Clueless?
        March 15, 2019 at 11:01 am

        With all due respect, as an apparent turtle rider, you seem to exhibit alarming naïveté… or advanced macular degeneration. Do you really think these parents all thought what they were doing was SOP?

  • Francis Sidebottom
    March 14, 2019 at 3:26 pm

    8f you ignore me. I promise I will go away……

    • Paper Lace Warned You
      March 14, 2019 at 7:36 pm

      No you won’t, Billy. You only have a single column to write each week for WooMag, and then daily you have to collect soda cans and rummage through dumpsters to get your room/board paid. The rest of the time you’re at the Library using the free wifi to read TBS and checking out old editions of National Geographic. You’ll never leave, Billy. This is your time, your zenith, your peak.

  • Street rat
    March 14, 2019 at 2:55 pm

    This is his 15 mins and he is taking advantage of it. In 2 weeks he won’t even be remembered. Love entitled rich kids, they always make the biggest fools

  • Kosh Naranek
    March 14, 2019 at 2:54 pm

    I believe in Star Wars they referred to this as ‘Replication Failure’.

  • The angry taint
    March 14, 2019 at 2:47 pm

    high school villain is my new ring tone…jus sayin , going by that first video the sequel to 8 mile is going to be museum mile and Y can you post that chappelle skit of trading spouses where he drops the kid in the hood?

    • Y
      March 14, 2019 at 3:17 pm

      Go to the 3:35 mark:

      • The angry taint
        March 14, 2019 at 5:02 pm

        YES! well done

  • White Power Ranger
    March 14, 2019 at 2:22 pm

    Wypipo so hated, the most privileged of them would rather be a poor black man.
    See what culture/media has done and damaged our white seeds.
    Hopefully not, but if one of those savages kidnaps him, he’ll be wishing he chose to play violin instead of coon tunes.

  • Future News: Rich white kid gets robbed
    March 14, 2019 at 2:16 pm

    Living on 5th ave is so hard.
    Sis’s SATs border on Retard.
    Parents bought in and paid for.
    Look at me and my fresh stacks.
    Parents also paid for my blacks.
    This Should give me street cred.
    They also cut the crust off my wonder bread.
    Congrats on the ryhmes. Can’t wait until pampered dick face get’s robbed of his loot by someone who may see him as an easy mark.

    • z
      March 14, 2019 at 3:03 pm

      Madd skillz, yo!!!!

  • Big D
    March 14, 2019 at 2:09 pm

    Communist (democrat) ruling class scum are all alike: You can find this same wealthy arrogant lowlives in the ChiCom, Cuban, Russian, and Venezuelan Commie ruling class spawn

  • z
    March 14, 2019 at 2:03 pm

    Who wins for most pathetic.
    Malcolm “Billa” Abbott or Dawson Boston?

    I’m picking Mr. Abbott.

    Mr. Boston let his environment beat him. He let those around him turn him into what he is today.
    If you know all the shitty things in life you also know the good things in life. Dawson made a choice of shitty.

    If Mr. Abbott were a girl we’d say he has daddy issues.

  • z
    March 14, 2019 at 1:45 pm

    The OG Vanilla Ice is a Juggalo.
    Learn something new every day

  • Old Tom Morris
    March 14, 2019 at 1:21 pm

    Vanilla Spice needs to work on his flow.

  • z
    March 14, 2019 at 1:19 pm

    I imagine in the next couple of days after he gets tired of people talking shit to him.

    “Dad, people on the internet are making fun of me because of what you did for sis!!! They’re so mean!!!”

    “Shut the fuck up son.”

  • Eobard Thawne
    March 14, 2019 at 1:11 pm

    Drop him in the hood and leave him to fend for himself. You could film it, it would be hilarious to see him interact with the hood boogers and junkies.

  • I’ve Earned My Boulevard Cred
    March 14, 2019 at 1:10 pm

    Can this fk’n assclown be so out of it that he doesn’t realize his homies are splitting their sides laughing at him ? Can you imagine what they think when Rosa the maid brings in after school snacks for all his little rap friends ?
    This guy and his whole family is priceless !!!

  • Clayton Bigsby
    March 14, 2019 at 1:10 pm

    Hellen Keller was a bitch-ass racist who didn’t like the looks of minorities or the way they talked.

    I finally saw(strike that) realized the error of my ways.

    • Who is Clayton Bigsby
      March 14, 2019 at 1:44 pm

      • Y
        March 14, 2019 at 2:20 pm

        A+

  • Francis Sidebottom
    March 14, 2019 at 1:03 pm

    I can not wait till good ole turtle turds crotch fruits are in the public picture talking about how hard their lives are from the embarrassment of their farther and endless bullying of the public and how everytime they do something it ends up posted in a blog just to shame them

    • Grannie Sidebottom
      March 14, 2019 at 2:04 pm

      Frannie! C’mon up from the basement! I made your favorite, Spaghetti-O’s and grape Kool-aid!

  • Big Wick
    March 14, 2019 at 12:57 pm

    “Everyone deserves to go to college.” Uh, no. Exhibit A: recent TBS douche-sposé on raw dog’s son “Rawson Boston.”

    • Big Wick
      March 14, 2019 at 1:02 pm

      Oh, yeah, I forgot Exhibit B, The Tattoo’ed Teeth Trashface Turd.

  • True justice
    March 14, 2019 at 12:48 pm

    This is the culture who vote democrat. Aoc supporters. The future of our country . What could go wrong?

  • Randall Guy
    March 14, 2019 at 12:43 pm

    BUILD THE WALL!!!!

    • Randall Guy's Dad
      March 14, 2019 at 1:16 pm

      Randy! Get off the phone and get your ass back to the corner! Big Fat Momma broke the rear springs in the PT Cruiser again. It ain’t gonna fix itself!

  • Stunt Penis
    March 14, 2019 at 12:43 pm

    isn’t a white dude doing rap cultural appropriation?

  • Francis Sidebottom’s Alter Ego
    March 14, 2019 at 12:39 pm

    The ‘who wore it better’ had me rolling!!! Great job!

  • Rap Sucks
    March 14, 2019 at 12:38 pm

    Only queers like it.

  • Grow up looser
    March 14, 2019 at 12:35 pm

    What a littly douchbag faggot.

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