Worcester Telegram and Gazette: — A Charlton man is being charged with breaking and entering after he allegedly went into a Spencer home Friday and stole jewelry and a collection of baby teeth while his girlfriend and their 2-year-old child waited in the car.
Timothy Schoener, 26, of 27 Stafford St., Charlton, will be charged with breaking and entering in the daytime with the intent to commit a felony, larceny of property valued at more than $250 and conspiracy along with charges related to three other break-ins or attempted break-ins in Spencer, according to police.
Police said Mr. Shoener was arrested after a postal employee, who had been alerted to recent thefts in the area, called police when he noticed a vehicle parked outside a home on Hebert Road and spotted a man walking around the house shortly before 5:30 p.m.
Police said Mr. Schoener’s girlfriend, Christine Iandoli, was driving his 1999 dark green BMW and she attempted to leave the Hebert Road area when police arrived but was stopped and told police her boyfriend was at a house asking for directions.
Police said the man fled on foot. Police later learned a neighbor had provided Mr. Schoener a ride home after he knocked on the man’s door and said his motorcycle had broken down.
Police began searching for him and located him at home, in Charlton, hiding under a pile of clothing. He was arrested. He was held on $1,500 bail and allegedly admitted to being involved in burglaries in the area, police said.
Is this guy the biggest dooshnozzle to ever hit the 508? I mean, let’s take a look at all the giant boners this nudnik pulled:
1. He goes off to pull a robbery, The only problem is he doesn’t have a car, so he’s gotta get the baby momma to give him a ride.
2. He forgets to hire a baby sitter before robbing the home.
3. He forgets that 5:30 PM is broad daylight in early August, and the neighborhood mailman is still working at that time.
4. Instead of stealing the electronics or other items of actual value, he stole a collection of baby teeth on a string.
5. This guy could’ve hid anywhere, and he chose to hide under a pile of dity clothes in his likely run-down apartment. Because the cops would never think to check UNDER the clothes.
Now, I’ve never been to Charlton, but I assumed this was the wine and cheese crowd. Apparently they must’ve opened up a youth center there, or they snuck a out halfway house in without the neighbors knowing, because this kid has Webster written all over him.
You know how I can tell this guy’s a giant asshole? Because this is a picture he chooses to represent himself with on Facebook:
Here’s a question I have – why the hell is this idiot driving a BMW and I’m taking the bus or riding a turtle?
Oh yea, and how the hell is the baby momma not getting charged in this whole thing? Apparently you can just bring your two year old kid on a robbery spree with you and there are no repercussions as long as you ditch the daddy when the fuzz shows up. I’m gonna remember this the next time a feministo is rambling on about the “war on women.” Seriously though, I will gladly trade making 77 cents on the dollar for the right to never go to prison for committing the exact same crimes that men commit. (see teacher sex scandals for more examples)
And his Facebook game has been on fire on his girlfriend’s wall:
I love u both you mean the world to me changes are coming there’s no one who could replace you two in my life what I do for now on is for you two I come Third
So let me get this straight TJ. You’re gonna put your baby momma and kid first by bringing them along with you while you burglarize homes? Stop the fight!! TJ just won the father of the year award for 2014!! At least he was consistent with his list though. He said he was gonna put them first and himself third. Right on cue baby momma is riding shotgun for the 5:30 B&E. Presumably the teeth he was stealing would bring some extra bounty from the tooth fairy. And after that he comes third. I guess that means all the people he was robbing came in fourth though right? Hey, it’s not like he didn’t warn you people. Number 3 is pretty fucking high on the totem poll when it’s all said and done.
There’s just so much to love about this post too. First of all, awesome sentence TJ. Secondly, apparently by “changes” he means “I am going to stop ignoring your requests for child support and start robbing houses in Spencer with you.” And EVERYONE knows that people who say they are turning their life around always stick to the plan.
In all seriousness though – I feel really bad for the kid. I mean, she’s gonna read about this on the Google machine one day, and it’s gonna be tough for Mom and Dad to explain this one. I’m just kidding, everyone knows there is a 0.0% chance Dad will actually be there. Most likely he’ll be “weekend dad” by then, which means he’ll show up once every two years for the Harley convention.
This is just further proof that you should definitely need a license to reproduce. If you do have kids you should be allowed two fuck ups. The first one is the final warning. The next time you fuck up you have to give your kid to a nice friendly gay couple so they can actually take care of them and give them a good home. That’s strike one for these lovely people.
Feel free to share your thoughts to keep the conversation going.