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Charlton Police Report Drive By Rappers Challenge Boys To Rap Battle, Leads To Hilarious Facebook Commentary

Charlton Police Report Drive By Rappers Challenge Boys To Rap Battle, Leads To Hilarious Facebook Commentary

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One of our favorite follows on the Facebook machine is the Charlton Police Department. Whoever runs their Facebook account should probably quit and join Turtleboy full time. Here’s their latest update:

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#CharltonProblems

And I thought we had it bad here in Worcester. All we have is gang bangers shooting each other. Thank God we don’t have drive by rap battles. And even worse – wannabe rapper wearing open-toed sandals. The humanity!!! What is this world coming to?

First of all, shame on the parents. And not the parents of the drive by rappers. I’m talking about the kids who stood there and got served. What kind of generation of wussies are they raising out there in Charlton? I’ll tell you one thing – if Turtleboy Jr. is walking down the street and three dooshnozzles in Voke-staches pull up next to him and challenge him to a rap battle, you best believe Turtleboy Jr. won’t back down. And he’s three years old. We don’t get served in this family. It’s our number one rule. If Turtleboy Jr. came home crying about this happening to him I’d tell him to get his ass in the car and we’d drive around until we found these wangstas and gave them rap justice.

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But seriously, do you understand how many aspiring rappers there are in some of these towns? Plenty. The 2% of Charlton that is trailer trash automatically thinks they’re hardos because they’re the only ones in town who can’t spell “college.” And because they’ve never actually had any interaction with people from actual mean streets, they constantly have to prove themselves as the town bad asses. After five or six years of building forts in the inhouse suspension room, they leave high school and don’t know what to do with their time so they launch their rap careers. Trust me, whenever we write about some nudnik from Webster we immediately get flooded by 10 of Dudley’s finest making rap videos about how wack Turtleboy is. Not even kidding. This happens all the time.

Look, anyone with a brain knows that this post was obviously made by the Police to do two things – 1) make parents aware that kids should be vigilant for strangers in cars, and 2) make people laugh. Because obviously this is a funny story, but at the same time, it can teach kids a valuable lesson about strange looking guys from the vast wasteland of the Dudley/Webster border. And Charlton ain’t far from where Molly Bish and Holly Piirainen disappeared from either. But sooooo many Internet geniuses couldn’t figure out the satire:

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Oh sweet Jesus. Everyone else is having a laugh over this and along comes this guy to make things all serious. Hey friend, relax. They’re not really investigating this that hard. They just wanted to post something funny but at the same time wanted to make it seem like their Facebook isn’t being run by Jerry Seinfeld. Then you came along and ruined it.

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Heather Marie. That’s the type of name that gets you to be employee of the month at Sweaty Betty’s. Newsflash – there’s a 99% chance the kids that jumped out of the car and challenged the 12 year olds to a rap battle were on their way to pick up some Oxy’s. By “investigating” this, the cops are killing two birds with one stone.

Loved this comment too:

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Wait…..what??? Let’s just ignore the fact that this woman is trying to hijack a hilarious thread about a rap battle and turn it into a dialogue about one woman getting shortchanged by a cashier at a Southbridge McDonalds. But, what exactly is the problem here? You got into an argument with a minimum wage worker and then you got the money back. Cool story bro. So….what did you want the dispatcher to do? Press charges? This lady serious? I would’ve paid good money be sitting next to the dispatcher who took that call.

And more importantly, how the hell do you get shortchanged $50 at McDonalds by yourself??? Did you pay with a Benjamin and only get $44 back in change? Who spends enough money to get stiffed $50 at a McDonalds? And who goes to a McDonalds in Southbridge? McDonalds is generally a bad idea, but a McDonalds in Southbridge sounds like a great way to catch the Plague.

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Finally this comment won the Internet for the day:

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It’s true. Except you’d probably have to build the fence around Charlton to keep the Websterites out.

The bottom line is, this is why people move to towns. This is why people pay $100,000 more for a house because it’s not in Worcester. Because your police department has the luxury of taking drive by rappers seriously. Unlike in Worcester where the cops are up to their ears in unsolved shootings, despite the fact that our Mayor keeps telling us how safe our streets are.

 

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19 Comment(s)
  • Andrewthomas
    March 17, 2016 at 6:10 pm

    Wow loln hard from Springfield

  • Doc
    March 16, 2016 at 6:37 pm

    Dudley dudes have Webster’s back? What the what? Links, please.

  • Stephanie D
    March 16, 2016 at 12:51 pm

    Well Turtleboy, you could’ve just asked me directly about it. The point was about taking the call seriously. The girl was trying to keep the money but I held her accountable and got the manager who saw what happened and returned my change. I didn’t want her to do that to another customer which is why I reported it. Southbridge has a habit of not taking calls seriously because of the history of the way they operate. Hopefully now with a new Chief, that will change. We had a hard day and the kids wanted something fast and I had bought dinner for the family but you wouldn’t understand that because you made your own assumption. I wasn’t hijacking the post. I just don’t like being scammed. Thanks though for making your own observation about it.

    • D-Skillz
      March 17, 2016 at 2:29 am

      So why post on a comment about Charlton??? If you have a problem with something in southbridge find a post there…..

      You comments have no relevance to this story and it was in fact hijacking!!!

  • JoeD
    March 16, 2016 at 11:19 am

    the end must be near…and thank God it is…I can’t take much more of this.

  • Little T
    March 16, 2016 at 8:08 am

    Yo yo to you already know who it is nigga, Litter T up in this bitch, yeah that was me and my squad we will challenge anyone, step up

    Niggas wanna talk about my open toe sandals/ scared a couple kids now it turned into a scandal/ niggas can’t handle my dope ass rhymes/ nah they can’t hold a candle

    And mr kerny Lookin like a sorry ass muppet/ lame ass nigga Gettin drunk in public/ now he recycles articles with his weak comments/ this blog weak af best you just stop it

    NIGGA ILL MEET ANYONE ON DRESSER HILL ANYTIME COME AT MR BRUH

    • Megen Latour
      March 16, 2016 at 11:11 am

      Haha You called yourself “Litter T”
      Meow
      Here kitty kitty

    • Andrewthomas420
      March 17, 2016 at 6:16 pm

      Bro you are weak just stop people I know would run you over . The fact you are trying to be hard from Charlton is funny . Nobody is afraid of kitty litter if you feel you are so tough why don’t you come visit me n my friends in the north end of Springfield anytime get opened up alive in a rap battle and left for dead

  • Keir Darcey
    Rochambeau
    March 16, 2016 at 6:52 am

    The WCVB article made it to the Drudge report. This is international news.

    http://www.wcvb.com/news/police-beware-of-men-challenging-teens-to-rap-battles/38524764

  • Nate dog
    March 16, 2016 at 6:07 am

    Real rappers wear Crocks.

  • Wabbitt
    wabbitt
    March 15, 2016 at 11:15 pm

    Hey now – the Southbridge McDonald’s is a lot cleaner than it used to be. It can’t help that it’s practically next to the sewer treatment plant, so it always smells like shit over there.

    I won’t lie, I fucking died laughing at that part of the blog, just because I know the general manager and he’ll probably be steamed when I show it to him.

  • Steven Stover
    March 15, 2016 at 10:27 pm

    Sniff Doggy Poop know about this?

    • Megen Latour
      March 16, 2016 at 11:10 am

      literally just cried laughing at this

  • Dirk McGurk
    March 15, 2016 at 9:48 pm

    Nobody’s really talking about the fact that one of these emcees was wearing “open toed sandals”. Real rappers who have they real headz in the game would never wear such footwear. If anything they’d wear Adidas slip-ons with they white socks. And even that’s if they in a hurry like they gotta go pick up some milk at da corner store for they moms.

  • Deb Mc
    March 15, 2016 at 7:31 pm

    Meanwhile in the grand ole town of Spencah: free cones at Dairy Cone. Think about it. Had my youngest 2 grandbabies there and over heard some 20 something get in some guys face and threaten to call the cops. Didn’t see what went down x just kept licking that luscious vanilla cone.

  • Warren G
    March 15, 2016 at 7:26 pm

    “The next stop is the East Side Motel”

    • RSoxGuy
      March 16, 2016 at 12:59 am

      Charlton… on a whole new level….

  • Reddog
    March 15, 2016 at 6:57 pm

    Charlton. Home to white rappers and Grizzley Adams!

    • shay
      March 15, 2016 at 8:27 pm

      Little know fact, grizzly was the first white rapper.

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