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Deadbeat Lawrence Criscopoon Aspiring Rapper Starts $250 GoFundMe For Visitation For Kir He Ditched While In Jail, Blows Money On Weed, Owes Thousands In Child Support

Deadbeat Lawrence Criscopoon Aspiring Rapper Starts $250 GoFundMe For Visitation For Kir He Ditched While In Jail, Blows Money On Weed, Owes Thousands In Child Support

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Here’s your GoFundMe scam of the day, from some Criscopoon named Candido Rodriguez out of Lawrence:

As you can see he wants to raise $250 so he can file for visitation to see his daughter. Because a guy who can’t afford to pay $250 to see the daughter that he allegedly loves so much is clearly fit to be a parent. Of course right off the bat you know that if this guy was keeping up with child support payments and isn’t a criminal then he’d legally have a right to some sort of custody. But I’m sure it’s all his baby momma’s fault he’s keeping the child from him “for no reason.” Definitely.

First of all, I can’t stand these “dads” who think they’re real fathers because they took a picture of themselves holding the baby and posted it to Facebook. “I call her my lil Lala Bug.” Shut the fuck up. You call her nothing because you have zero relationship with her, and as we will see, this is for good reason.

For starters, Candido recently got out of the clink after two years stay at the hotel taxpayer:

Apparently he was chillin in a cheap motel room selling coke on the beach in January:

Turns out he’s actually got five kids by three baby mommas, one of whom had to get a restraining order for the child he didn’t bother to raise:

He’s also been charged with a shitload of crimes including motor vehicle larceny, assault and battery, and armed home invasion:

His most recent stint in jail was obviously not his first. In 2012 he was paroled for his armed robbery conviction.

Of course the real reason Criscopoon doesn’t get to see his “lil Lala Bug” is he doesn’t like to pay his court ordered child support:

Although when his fat ass finally got around to getting a job they started garnishing his wages, so he has contributed something, albeit not voluntarily:

So what has he been spending money on instead of child support that has left him so destitute that he’s reduced to raising $250 for a GoFundMe to pay for a simple court filing? Well we spoke with the mother of the child he’s defaming with his fraudulent GoFundMe and here’s her side of the story:

He made me work full time and hand him my checks so he could buy pot, drugs and PlayStation cards instead of rent so he got us evicted from multiple apartments. My daughter is 4 has no idea who he is. I do not want her around a drug dealing psycho manipulator who lets his other children smoke weed and get tattoos underage. He was smoking weed with his 12 year old (now 16). He’s sue-happy, sued Canobie Lake Park and the city of Lawrence. He lied when suing the city and said he tripped on a sewer cap or something and broke his ankle. But he did it himself. He’s also 37 and he’s still trying to become a famous rapper. 

He’s also psycho and controlling. I was in the hospital having my baby and he tried to make me leave because there was a male doctor and he didn’t want him to touch me. They almost had to kick him out. He’s paid $247 in child support in 3 years. But he can buy himself new Jordan’s, and of course weed every day.

Of course he’s trying to become a rapper!! As a matter of fact his Facebook page is his rapper name – Ave Therealstmc, where he posts and shares pictures of himself spending money on things that aren’t the child support that he owes, and whines about “father’s rights”:

Weed and baby mommas. The only thing he’s missing for the aspiring rapper trifecta is a pit bull. Oh wait, he’s got that on his album cover:

 

When he was in jail on the drug charges he wrote this lovely handwritten note (in cursive somehow), which of course he directed towards, “BM III,” as in “Baby Momma #3”:

Wait….you’re telling me this guy right here never stuck his weapon of ass destruction in another penis fly trap while he was with BM III?

How is that possible? He just oozes sex appeal.

Oh wait, he was in jail. Sorry Candido, but you don’t get credit for being faithful when you’re only options are Kyle Kennedy and broomstick.

Anyway, according to Criscopoon you can’t be talking shit about him because he’s “done nothing wrong.”

Except for the armed robbery, home invasion, drug dealing, and failure to provide for the children he’s created. As long as you ignore those minor things he’s a great guy.

But as he pointed out,

“Trust me, I’m the last person you want to piss off.”

Well guess what moron? Now you’re Turtleboy famous and everyone knows what a deadbeat GoFundMe loser you are. I’m sure you’re pissed off about it, so we anxiously await for you to roast Turtleboy in your next album.

 

12 Comment(s)
  • Angel Sanchez
    November 18, 2017 at 12:26 am

    How does this work? He can’t plug out the $250 to get those child visits, but he can’t wait for “his lawyer” to get ahold of TBS and file for defamation. Defined A defamatory statement is a false statement of fact that exposes a person to hatred, ridicule, or contempt, causes him to be shunned, or injures him in his business or trade. Ale TheDipshytMC has been outed with documented facts, hence real staements. Fails first test. Shunned or injured, personally or business wise? Well, I assume his own past has limited to killed his options, dead long before TBS outed him. Fails prong 2. This unintelligent Vanilla Ice wanna bee does not even have the brain power to udnerstand what he is spewing. With that crutch, who the fuck would listen to his rap? Got to live your words, unless there a market for dip shit ignorant cry baby lyric out there, the fucktard should just start at McDs and work his way up and hope he can gain the love of his kids by the time the new ones have to decide about drugs. Sounds like he has already failed that test too, but we can only hope for the youngest of the Spawn of TheDipshytMC!

  • Johnny Rocket
    November 16, 2017 at 9:46 am

    Man this guy is the classic Lawrence EBT and welfare chudstuffer. 3 different baby mommas ? Where are the others screaming for child support ? You make’m Candyman,you support’m. Funny how even a one inch penis can create babies. I hope his rap career takes off so he can send that money to these kids. Imagine Candyman getting a Grammy award and the authorities waiting backstage for a check ? Priceless.

  • John Wypyszinski
    Herr Doktor
    November 16, 2017 at 9:17 am

    Yo, fatboy. Pay your F-ing child support, Jesus H, even with the arrears amount it’s not that F-ing much. You need a license to go fishing, but any asshole with a dinkie can make a kid. This ass clown is a poster child for what a father should NOT act like. The Burrito Bandito needs to visit his friendly neighborhood proctologist to have his head removed from his ass, get a real honest to God job (or two or three) and start doing right by those kids so the taxpayers don’t have to pay to support them. Of course there’s about as much of a chance of that happening as there is of Donald Trump being invited to be the graduation speaker at Westfield State this year…

  • First Time Caller
    PhilSimmsSucks
    November 16, 2017 at 6:18 am

    Wondering if this zipperhead meant to lay out his weed on his AA book or if he just can’t read the title.
    This asshole is a waste of taxpayer money

  • whatevuh
    whatevuh
    November 16, 2017 at 5:39 am

    This is exactly where the term ‘piece of shit’ came from, if you look it up in the urban dictionary, his picture is there

  • Jojo
    November 16, 2017 at 1:14 am

    You know you’re an OG, when your homeboy rocks a Fitbit on your album cover. Gotta keep that step out up while rockin the mic. How about those hallmark store statues flanking him while he shows you how hard he is throwing up the West Lawrence EBT signal.

  • Webster Turtle Rider
    November 15, 2017 at 11:30 pm

    Love you turts but can’t believe you didn’t black out this guy’s social. Not that’s he’s got credit to ruin…

    • chrissy
      November 15, 2017 at 11:37 pm

      this man is beyond repair anyhow..

      and now he’s brought further shame upon his family having them do this gofundme *smh*

    • SouthShoreTurtleRider
      November 15, 2017 at 11:46 pm

      Lmao who would ever wanna steal that identity haha

  • The Vorlon
    The Vorlon
    November 15, 2017 at 11:12 pm

    Remember folks, Trap, Neuter and Release your feral ratchets. The last is optional, by the way…

  • DJ Trump
    November 15, 2017 at 10:55 pm

    Candido needs to lay off the burritos.
    That taco-benders is a little bit fat.

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