Nudniks

Deputy Debbie Downer Will Be Patrolling Plymouth Bar Parking Lots Tonight With Her “Friends” Looking To Call The Cops On Anyone They Suspect To Be Drunk

It goes without saying, but I’ll say it anyway – don’t drink and drive tonight, guys. Don’t do it any night, for that matter, but we all know New Years Eve is “amateur’s night”, as my father used to call it, and if you get behind the wheel of a car drunk you are definitely a scumfuck. Call a cab, call an Uber, call your brother, or sleep it off in a piss-soaked alleyway, I don’t care, just don’t drink and drive and end up sleeping on a cement cot next to a toilet while your face is plastered all over Turtleboy tomorrow. Because we won’t be nice about it. I do hope we have a deal.

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That being said, if you live in or around Plymouth, Turtleboy and the cops aren’t the only thing you’d have to worry about, anyway. Because while the rest of the world is out having a good time ringing in 2020, Deputy Debbie Downer over here is going to be prowling the bar parking lots for potential drunk drivers so she can waste precious police resources on the one of the top drinking holidays of the year.

 

No thanks, Neda. If we need someone to prowl the parking lots in search of Xanax bars and 23 year virgins with a Mrs. Robinson fantasy, you look like you’re probably the one for the job.

 

But as far as field sobriety tests go, I think we’ll just leave that to the professionals, OK? Because from the looks of it, the only breathalyzer you’d even have access to is if you have one wired into your car’s ignition. Seriously. The cops have this under control and no one is impressed. Furthermore, who is “us”? You, your cats and a couple boxes of Franzia? Will you all be in uniform? Do you get a hall monitor pass or something for this? How are you going to tell who’s too drunk to drive? Judging from your caps locks enthusiasm and general appearance, I don’t know that I trust your expertise on the matter.

Stay home, Buzzkillington. Your post has accomplished nothing here outside of possibly causing some brain cancer and mortifying your adult children.

For everyone else out there – be safe, have fun, and if you see this face lurching towards you in the darkness of the Applebee’s parking lot come midnight, don’t panic.

It’s not Ozzy Ozborne, it’s just some self-righteous cougar who needs to find a hobby in 2020.

 

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65 Comment(s)
  • Turd Reversalist
    January 3, 2020 at 1:01 am

    While I appreciate her enthusiasm for keeping the intoxicated from behind the wheel, I still have to throw a flag on the play for not staying in her lane.
    Of course, she has to pay the piper or layer of pipe, if you will.
    As previously mentioned, she was trying to do the right thing and it is considered a mitigating factor.
    With that in mind, she will still have to present the starfish for the sentence to be carried out butt the insertion will be gentler and more lubricated than what is normally done when addressing any transgressions.
    It is within my purview as a professional to show compassion and leniency when appropriate.
    This is one such instance.

    Once again, I have to remind some of you in this thread that this is a matter best left to a professional turd reversalist. Name like Butt Creamer and Rump Ranger indicate to me that hobbyists and novices are trying to get in on the action.

    All that aside, I would like Ms. Neda to surrender herself for the purpose of carrying out the sentence this Friday night at the Shanty Rose, 9 pm. From there, we will go directly to the work van and take care of business.
    Happy New Year.

  • Sir Wilfred Death
    January 2, 2020 at 4:26 pm

    Bristol is a great investigative reporter. Even she has to contend with one of the slowest news weeks of the year. This woman didn’t do anything so terrible. Big deal. Now she gets to be embarrassed by the Google machine forever.

    Social Media is Cancer

    • Neda RK
      January 3, 2020 at 9:37 pm

      On the contrary I have nothing to be embaraced by! I have no control over these idiots that published this on there pethatic disgraceful blog! They are just a bunch of uneducated miserable people that have nothing better to do than insult people! As a matter of fact I am getting so many nice private post one and several job offers! So maybe I should really thank them!!!

      • Ted Bundys VW
        January 4, 2020 at 12:14 am

        embarrassed

        • shooter McGee
          January 22, 2020 at 4:26 pm

          I’ve got the special sauce that can keep those bangs plastered to your head and off your face…..

      • Dried up roast beef drapes
        January 4, 2020 at 12:18 am

        Uneducated? Pethatic? Surely you jest.Try pathetic douche nozzle.

      • Job offer
        January 4, 2020 at 12:21 am

        Seven dollar gum jobs and cleaning the urinals of The Glass Slipper does not count……

  • AngryWhiteDad
    January 2, 2020 at 9:14 am

    If you told me she was Hot Tow Truck Girl’s mother/sister/aunt/cousin, I’d believe it.

  • Chester the Fupa Molester
    January 2, 2020 at 6:07 am

    I know her type. I know a barfly when I see one. When you walk into the bar she looks ok then she hits a spot of good lighting and you have to make an excuse to get away from her.

    yeah I gotta go over here I think I dropped my pocket bye.

    You almost immediately forget she’s there because well you know alcohol.

    Get drunk…. get drunker….. get drunkiest….

    Then you wake up the next day and see her laying next to you in bed. This is the moment you realize you need to stop drinking. Then after contemplating your life choices you realize it’s easier to drink until she looks good again so you can have a second round.

  • Just sayin'
    January 1, 2020 at 10:41 pm

    “Osbourne”

  • Charlie Baker
    January 1, 2020 at 8:55 pm

    I would give her a pink sock then a Cleveland steamer.

    • Brett Kavanaugh
      January 1, 2020 at 10:28 pm

      A cock slap and back-to-back-to-back rapes.

  • Anonymous
    January 1, 2020 at 7:22 pm

    Lurking in parking lots and looking for drunk drives is dangerous to trained, armed cops — we can start with the number of times they nearly get run over. Ask one…

    Throw in that — to a drunk, in the dark — she might appear attractive and women’s bodies do wind up being found in ditches, car trunks, and the like. Seem to remember some of that happening in Boston last year…

    The dumb c**t is lucky to be alive if she really pulled this stunt….

  • 2nd to last picture with guy in glasses...
    January 1, 2020 at 6:50 pm

    HTTG?

  • Cheesemo
    January 1, 2020 at 6:02 pm

    I’d let her put the tip of her tongue up my asshole

    • Mentors
      January 1, 2020 at 7:08 pm

      Do don’t “let her” MAKE HER

  • Idi Amin
    January 1, 2020 at 4:49 pm

    Like throwing a Antelope carcass down the Ted Williams Tunnel.

  • Abe Vigodas Ghost
    January 1, 2020 at 4:39 pm

    I’d leave a nice pile of penis butter on her chest.

  • Wait
    January 1, 2020 at 4:14 pm

    Wait, what about handicapped parking enforcement?

    Should that be left to the professional?

  • Lolz
    January 1, 2020 at 4:12 pm

    Isn’t she doing what TB brags about? You know, nabbing ratchets with his “investigations?

    Good for her if it stops one person from driving drunk. Make fun of her all you want and use her for content but What did you do today that tried to help your town?

  • Chest Rockwell
    January 1, 2020 at 2:10 pm

    Her way of knowing who’s too drunk to drive: if you take her up on her offer of a parking lot blow job you’re too drunk to drive.

  • Lee Ho
    January 1, 2020 at 12:51 pm

    One picture looks like she have “turkey neck”.

    Ok if you are looking at back of head in motion.

  • Startled Pancake
    January 1, 2020 at 12:37 pm

    With this brawd, the ol’ maxim applies:

    “When In Doubt, Whip It Out!”

  • Only Cost me a cinema ticket
    January 1, 2020 at 12:33 pm

    Neda was a lotta fun back in 1982.

    Took her to see Fast Times at Ridgemont High, missionary fucked her behind Showcase Cinema in the backseat on my ’77 Chevy Impala while listening to my Cars tape while still wearing my Members Only jacket, slept all night in the car, she said her back ached so she blew me the next morning, we went back to my parents house, and she helped me Armor-All the inside of my car. Nice girl! What’s not to like? Ah, the early 80’s…..
    I can still smell the Drakaar every time I see her picture!

    • Corinth Arkadin
      January 1, 2020 at 1:09 pm

      oOOOOhOOOOoooo is that what ya smell???

  • Corinth Arkadin
    January 1, 2020 at 12:07 pm

    It’s fucking Morticia if…Morticia wasn’t hot and looked like she was about transform into a puddle of grease at any moment.

    FFS, New England seems overrun with ratchets to the point of derangement. It’s fucking amazing.

  • 01001
    January 1, 2020 at 11:40 am

    What a miserable cunt. Stay home with your vibrator.

  • don
    January 1, 2020 at 11:39 am

    i will drive by and throw my beer at her.

  • JJ
    January 1, 2020 at 10:19 am

    That face looks like it’s been beat by every black cock on craigslist! What a nasty looking sewer trout she is!

    • Nicole Ritchie
      January 1, 2020 at 12:23 pm

      That’s hot.

  • no
    January 1, 2020 at 10:12 am

    here is the field sobriety test for guys in Plymouth.

    “Would you fuck that woman”

    If you said no, you are sober and free to go.
    If you said yes, then be prepared to get cuffed and stuffed by the local cops

  • Hugh-Bo Mont
    January 1, 2020 at 9:37 am

    I’ll take “I’ve been smoking 2 packs a day for most of my life.” for 600, Alex.

  • Hugh Mungous
    January 1, 2020 at 8:37 am

    The husband got some nice footage of her being DP’d in a Super 8 by a couple of drunk college kids home for winter break.
    Mission accomplished, It will be on porn hub later today.

    • Startled Pancake
      January 1, 2020 at 12:26 pm

      Ah, Double Penetration.

      It’s like the end of Leaving Las Vegas, if Liz Shue dug it in the butt.

  • Pistachio Disguisee
    January 1, 2020 at 7:39 am

    I’d definitely smash that….I’ll just triple bag it to give myself more girth however I still think we’ll be looking at a hotdog/hallway scenario

  • I Will Report My Findings To The CDC
    January 1, 2020 at 2:58 am

    I will be on the look out for greek whores with stds in Plymouth parking lots tonight.

  • Silencio Dogood
    January 1, 2020 at 1:45 am

    Take her keys.

  • George Burns
    January 1, 2020 at 1:45 am

    Did her.

    • Neda RK
      January 3, 2020 at 9:40 pm

      You wish!

  • Rope Launcher
    January 1, 2020 at 12:58 am

    I don’t have a problem with reporting drunk drivers. Just as long as she reports texting drivers too. Texting drivers are just as dangerous as drunk drivers. At least drunks are trying to look at the road.

  • Breakwater
    January 1, 2020 at 12:46 am

    I wouldn’t normally comment, or defend the crazy, but the sweet girl who died and the other girl in critical condition from the Pembroke accident are both from
    Plymouth. Everyone in town is a little on edge. Clearly this is not the way to “help”, but it’s been a tough few days and emotion has replaced rationality.

    • bonedawgtuco
      January 1, 2020 at 10:58 am

      Nice comment thanks.
      Thumbs down inflicted on your comment are disappointing.
      Happy New Year

  • wetkitty
    December 31, 2019 at 11:45 pm

    aww it looks like her and her cat lady friends don’t like the blog~meow

  • Hey stuuupid
    December 31, 2019 at 10:26 pm

    Just. Doesn’t. Get.Any.Dumber.

    So, sweetie, when a defense attorney pulls up that public post (where you are headhunting for drinks), do you think ANY report or statement you make is going to carry any weight in court?

    Thanks for wasting the cops time. Stay home and drink cosmos.

  • Bath House Barry
    December 31, 2019 at 10:21 pm

    I would hit it if I wasn’t married to Michael the tranny.

  • Bath House Barry
    December 31, 2019 at 10:21 pm

    I would hit it if I wasn’t married to Michael the tranny.

    • Startled Pnacake
      January 1, 2020 at 12:42 pm

      Just like the REAL Barry, who stutters like a Jerry’s Kid and endlessly repeats him/herself.

      A bravura performance.

  • Rosie O'Donnells Stunt Penis
    December 31, 2019 at 10:06 pm

    Would.No question.

  • Plymouth plower
    December 31, 2019 at 9:41 pm

    Lights out she’s a 10, provided she doesn’t have the newport/methadone voice and aroma.

    • Hugh-Bo Mont
      January 1, 2020 at 9:42 am

      A 10? Stevie, is that you??

    • bigdaddyy
      January 1, 2020 at 11:03 am

      Beauty is only a light switch away

  • ITCHY_BALLS
    December 31, 2019 at 8:38 pm

    I would…..PANIC !!

  • Ted Bundys VW
    December 31, 2019 at 8:23 pm

    Would

  • ChipChipperson
    December 31, 2019 at 8:22 pm

    It’s 830 pm now. I give her about 2 hours before some skeezy red-faced drunk knocks her out in a bar parking lot.

  • Chip Striker
    December 31, 2019 at 8:10 pm

    Gross.

    Weathered face douche with too much time on her hands.

  • Lee Ho
    December 31, 2019 at 7:57 pm

    She better leave my bottles of sake alone.

    Go deliver meals on wheels you sanctimonious twit.

  • Startled Pancake
    December 31, 2019 at 7:28 pm

    Would!

  • Slow news Jesus Christ
    December 31, 2019 at 7:21 pm

    Y’all have slow news wtf is this trash she said don’t drink and drive or she’s calling the police sounds a lot like what you guys do ? Grow up whoever wrote This garbage I know uncle turtle boy didn’t write this

    • Ok, here is some fast news..
      December 31, 2019 at 7:50 pm

      …you are a dumb douche!

      My bad, that is old news.

    • Neda RK
      January 3, 2020 at 9:46 pm

      If any of these people that under disguise are posting these nasty messages have any balls then why not disclose who they really are? But they wouldn’t simply because they are a bunch of losers! Thank you for your comment!

  • Interesting
    December 31, 2019 at 6:50 pm

    A blog that brags about catching criminals saying to leave it to the professionals.

    • Corinth Arkadin
      January 1, 2020 at 12:33 pm

      First, learn to read.

      Then you can move on to nuance.

      Fucktard.

    • Neda RK
      January 3, 2020 at 9:48 pm

      Welcome to the the Trashville!

  • Seed bag
    December 31, 2019 at 6:44 pm

    She out patrolling for drunk dick…. That’s all she’s looking for. Almost worth driving to Plymouth to stick it in her plantation

  • Ratchetsaurous Rex
    December 31, 2019 at 6:44 pm

    For fuck sakes hahahaha

    Happy New Year TB and Riders!

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