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Shane Collins of Derry, New Hampshire, let his mullet blow in the warm, Spring breeze while taking police across 4 towns during a high speed chase on Wednesday. Collins was pulled over in Salem on Weds. morning when police were tipped off that a Lo-Jack signal reported the pickup truck he was driving was stolen from Haverhill, MA. Collins decided to show off his Nascar Ambitions and floored it, heading north towards Derry. He may or may not have screamed “Merica!” as he fled..
Before we get into the story let’s just take a minute to get an inside look at the type of dude we’re dealing with here. Shane has not one, not two, but three different Facebook pages that are all full of the usual junk from white trash, middle aged dudes from New Hampshire.
Yup, In case you didn’t know, Shane is FUCKEN AWESOME!
Shane enjoys rambling about his personal life and relationships with heroin addicts, posting pics of his ma-dukes with guns, flexing in bathroom mirrors to show off that smokin’ hot physique and partaking in all things Jerry Springer. There are a lot of posts about life, love and his desire to bang “hot” babes. BARFBARFABARF.
Obligatory middle finger pics. Not sure what that Koi fish did but fuck him too.
Shanes been bagged for various crimes before including drug possession. He’s a real winner.
Ok so after Benedict Cumberdouche went hauling ass through Salem, Cops tried to throw out stop sticks on Veterans Memorial Parkway and at the corner of Main and Bridge. Collins upped his game and got the genius idea to drive the truck towards police cruisers to avoid them and took off towards Derry. Apparently Shane doesn’t fuck around when it comes to stealing cars and going 110% balls out because this is the SECOND incident involving a stolen vehicle that he’s been involved in this year. His first redneck joyride happened just a few weeks ago on March 15th when he stole an SUV in ManchVegas, crashed into a womans car and then took off. Police saw him driving like a lunatic and then found the car parked behind the Firebird Motel in Hooksett. Collins figured he needed a rest and was found hanging out in one of the motel rooms.
Something tells me this fine establishment doesn’t leave truffles on your pillowcase or have an on-site gym and conference center..
Anyway, numerous police officers from multiple towns, including the NH State Police, were involved in the chase that crossed town lines into Derry, Hampstead, Sandown and Chester. At one point it was reported that there were around 14 cruisers chasing this assclown and residents were getting pissed at the cops for pursuing him. The play by play on the Salem, NH Residents Facebook page was hilarious. Collins turned down an access road (trail?) along a section of power lines in Chester where he ditched the truck and took off on foot which, honestly, really never works out. If you’ve ever watched COPS or any similar show you know that the cops/k9’s always find these dumbasses hiding in a tree or under a bush, popping out like a back country jack-in-the-box. Where did they find Collins? In a swamp because OF COURSE he thought chillin in some rank-ass scum water was a foolproof plan. Like the cops would just give up and go home for lunch and a nap and he could stroll out of the woods without anyone noticing him. Have you seen what this guy looked like when they arrested him?
Yeah, like if I’m out walking my dog or grilling some wings on my deck I’m not going to take one look at this freakin guy and nope the hell out of there. Nothing to see here, just mulletman covered in swamp gunk with bad tattoos, no shirt and (judging by the pictures) no pants. Go figure, that’s EXACTLY what happened. Crackjob Collins walked up to a womans house and peeked in her window, scaring the everliving shit out of her before he ran off. The woman called the police who set up a perimeter of the area and eventually caught and arrested him. By the looks of him, he should have been arrested for his choice of tattoos alone.
I’m just glad that no one was hurt during this entire ordeal and I want to give a big shoutout to ALL of the police officers (and pups!) that worked hard to track this guy and take him into custody.