Donald Trump gave a speech in Dallas last night, and it was the ultimate display of Alpha Male dominance. 

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We’ve written about Matt Walsh a few times before. He’s an ultra conservative startup blogger who now works for The Blaze. He can be so right about some things, but when he’s wrong, he’s as bad as you get. And one of the things he clearly doesn’t understand is Donald Trump, who gave a speech in Dallas last night:

“Wow. Amazing. Amazing, thank you. So exciting. Do you notice what’s missing tonight? Teleprompters! [APPLAUSE] No teleprompters. We don’t want teleprompters. That would be so much easier: we read a speech for 45 minutes, everybody falls asleep listening to the same old stuff, the same old lies. So much easier.

So, you know, I have a little debate coming up on Wednesday. [APPLAUSE] I hear my… let’s call them opponents. Can I call them opponents? We’re allowed to do that, right?

You know, New York was very nice to you people last night, you know that, right? [LAUGHTER] Did they hand you that game? [APPLAUSE] They handed it! I said, I am going to have the friendliest audience — sit down — I am going to have the friendliest audience. So I wasn’t sure, was I happy or was I sad? But Jerry Jones is a great guy, and he deserves everything he gets, frankly. [APPLAUSE]

And you know, another great guy is Mark Cuban. [APPLAUSE] And I think, you know, he’s been talking about maybe doing this himself. And I think he’d do a great job. We don’t have the exact same feelings about where we’re going, but that’s OK. But Mark was great. You know, he called me, like, literally a few days ago, and he said, “you know if you want to use the arena” — which by the way is a beautiful arena [APPLAUSE] this a great arena — and Dirk is a fantastic player [APPLAUSE] he’s just a wonderful player — and the Mavericks have been fantastic and it’s just a great team — but he said, “you know if you want to use the arena.” And I said, “Mark, when?” He said “how ’bout Monday night?” It’s like, that was like in four days. And you had a big holiday in between. And he said, “they really like you in Dallas, they really like you in Texas, maybe you can get a lot of people.” [APPLAUSE] Because we were coming here, and we thought maybe we’d get a thousand people, but we never get a thousand anymore, it’s always, like, the same thing.

You know, we went to Alabama. We started off with a 500 person ballroom. And after about 2 minutes — look at all these guys — paparazzi, look at this [LAUGHTER] we’ve got everybody here. We started off, by the way, with a 500 person ballroom, and after about 2 minutes the hotel called up begging for mercy. “We can’t do it!” They were inundated, so we went to convention center, and that was 10,000 and that was wiped out in about an hour. So we went to a stadium, we had 31 thousand people, which is by far the largest, they say, like, ever, for an early primary, and that’s probably true.[APPLAUSE]”

Oh calm your naniburger there Matt Walsh. Look, I’m not here to endorse Donald Trump or anything like that. I think every single person running for President right now sucks. That’s the best way I can put it. I’m not even gonna get into how much both parties piss me off about some issues, but I am gonna say this about Donald Trump – the guy is fucking HILARIOUS. And he’s making this whole election must see TV.

That speech right there was one of the most alpha male, dominant lead-ins I’ve ever heard. “Opponents?” What the hell is an opponent? Oh you mean all those other guys at the debates? Yea, some of them hot wives I guess. I don’t really have time to explain why they suck because I’m too busy dominating life and hanging out with all my billionaire friends from Dallas like Jerry Jones. Ever heard of him?

I loved this line too about Mark Cuban: “And I think, you know, he’s been talking about maybe doing this himself.”

I can’t help but be amazed with the way the ultra rich with too much money live their lives. Yea, Mark was thinking about “doing this himself.” Ya know, running for President of the most powerful country in the world. Maybe he will if the Mavericks are away on a road trip, or Shark Tank is airing some reruns. We’ll see. Put that one on the bucket list for now, right after eating lunch on the moon and burning a pile of cash.

Most importantly for people like Matt Walsh though, you gotta take a deep breath and listen to Turtleboy for a minute. Let me make this very, very clear for you – this isn’t real. This whole Trump thing for President is just a show and he knows it. He has no chance of getting the Republican nomination, never mind becoming the President.

I realize that he’s tapped into the far right of the Republican party, but at the end of the day he’s Donald Trump. And you don’t become Donald Trump without doing things that will eventually be looked down on by ultra conservatives. Because ultra conservatives like Matt Walsh don’t like fun things. They don’t like orgies, and I guarantee Donald Trump has had many an orgy. They don’t like liberals. And when you’re as rich as Donald Trump, you hang out with other billionaires, like Jamie Dimon, who gave shitloads of money to Obama. They want you to obsess over meaningless shit like gay marriage, and Donald Trump more than likely could give a fuck less if two gay people who wanna get married.

So when the actual voting starts, Donald Trump will get a few votes in New Hampshire, and MAYBE, just MAYBE he will win the Iowa Caucus. But once primary season starts each of the two parties goes with the safe, established, and non-controversial politician who they think won’t fuck up their chances of winning the White House. It’s why people like Walter Mondale, Bob Dole, John Kerry, and Mitt Romney get nominated, and fun people like Ross Perot have to start their own parties.

When push comes to shove it’s gonna be Jeb Bush against Hillary Clinton. You can deny it all you want and buy into all the bullshit, but those will be the two. They’re also the odds on favorite in Vegas as well, and Vegas doesn’t give money away. The only two who can possibly beat Bush are Scott Walker and Marco Rubio, because they look like and act normal. And as for Bernie Sanders beating Hillary, LOL. Give me a break. The guy is a cool Facebook meme, but at the end of the day he gets pushed around by disgruntled hippies who always seem to take over his rallies. No way Hillary is letting the Clinton legacy go down in flames to some schmo from Vermont.

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