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This story right here from Masslive.com just made Turtleboy’s morning. Before you read it, let’s play a game called “guess the crime.” What do you think this man right here was arrested for in Dudley?

So many possibilities, I know. But with that mustache, anything is possible. Could it be a DUI? Perhaps he owes $240,000 in child support? Was it your run of the mill heroin possession? The scenarios in which that many right there could end up in handcuffs are endless. Here’s what happened:

After being evicted from the property, police say a man drove into his former home not once, not twice, but three times, while others were in apartments inside.

Andy Nelson, 40, of 5A Mill Road in Dudley, was arrested and faces eight charges, including assault and battery with a dangerous weapon, after allegedly driving into the multi-unit building that had residents inside at the time.

Police responded to 45 West Main St. around 9:10 p.m. Tuesday for the report of a car into a building. A fight was also taking place during the call, police noted.

When officers arrived, they found Nelson restrained by people on the scene.

Witnesses said Nelson drove his Hyundai Sonata into the building, then backed up and drove into it at least two more times. The building has apartments connected to it and people were home at the time, but no one was injured.

A police investigation found that Nelson, who had previously rented garage space in the building, had been officially evicted on Tuesday after a Worcester Superior Court hearing the day before with the building landlord, William Auger.

Jesus H. Christ. Get your shit together Dudley. Although it’s really not Dudley’s fault. This is what happens when your town has the misfortune of being the Webster to Southbridge expressway. And the scene of the crime (45 West Main Street) is basically Webster.

It’s too bad, because we drove through Dudley back when we did our blog on the worst plowed towns in Worcester County, and it seemed pretty nice….except for everything close to Webster. I think most Dudley residents wouldn’t have a problem if the King of Webster crossed over the mighty French River with his army of Websterites and claimed everything in the vicinity of Schofield Ave as part of New Webster.

There’s just so many amazing aspects of this story though. I mean, what was this guy hoping to accomplish with a Hyundai Sonata? You think a Goddamn Hyundai is gonna take a building down? And even if the building eventually collapsed as a result of you driving into it, where did you think the rubble was going to land? Did you honestly think your Hyundai Sonata would keep you safe once all the brick and glass fell directly on top of your car?

This story right here is the reason I think you’re insane if you get into the property renting game. You’re trying to pay your bills and feed your family, and you got schmucks like Andy Nelson over here trying to live there for free and they drive their cars into your property when housing court rules against them.

And by the way, do you realize what it takes to be kicked out of an apartment in housing court? Dudley is still part of Massachusetts last I checked, and I’ve heard some horror stories about tenants who basically squat in an apartment for months or even years without paying shit. The long and short of it is that the landlord basically has to pay an arm and a leg in legal fees to kick people out the apartment when they don’t pay.

That’s why I don’t feel bad for this guy. Because it’s almost impossible to be kicked out an apartment in this lovely state. Nevertheless, you have to respect his never give up spirit at least. The man didn’t just drive his Hyundai Sonata into a brick building once. He did it three Goddamn times and had to be restrained by townsfolk in order to stop. That right there is commitment ladies and gentlemen.

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