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I’d like to introduce you to one Fall River’s finest assholes Dan Astle. He’s a real cornicopia of fucking crazy.

Deranged Dan came to my attention when a concerned member of Threw Up In Fall River spotted the psycho’s antics and realized that considering he’s a complete danger to society, that it’s probably best that people get familiar with his face because the next time you see it, he may be wearing yours as a mask ,Texas Chainsaw Massacre style.

Dan’s most predominant hobbies include working on his Creep Jeep, being a felon who builds his own guns, stalking random chicks and sending dick pics to anyone who he seems worthy of his slobknob. And completely fucking insane death threats, seriously check these out.

There’s a lot of talk about Mr. Astle being into underaged girls, 15 years old to be exact. Now, not a whole lot of that talk as been substantiated but there’s been so much of it that it can’t really be ignored. For instance, these screenshots seem to paint a really fucking twisted picture of grossness.

That’s really difficult to ignore. As difficult to ignore as the stories some ladies have shared about encounters with him. Like that one time when he met up with a woman who was selling a phone and asked her if he wanted to see his naked mole rat and when she declined he just sent her a picture anyway afterwards. And then tried to lure her into his Creep Jeep to take her to a place so isolated that “government officials” couldn’t find it. Because that’s totally normal and doesn’t raise any red flags or anything:

And then there’s this statement that the police released verifying that he’s actually physically stalked someone…

I want to set something straight before anyone has any bullshit to say. No, I’m not ripping on a mentally ill person who doesn’t know any better. I’m ripping apart a complete and utter douchebag poopsmooch who preys on women and just happens to have a mental illness. Everyone is, to some degree, mentally ill and somehow manage to still be good people who do the right thing. Personally, I’m affected by complex PTSD, major depressive disorder and a panic disorder. Not the self diagnosed Millennial versions, but like the real shit. And again, somehow I wake up every day and decide not to be a fucking asshole. Mental illness is no excuse to be a slugrake, he knows what he’s doing is wrong. Mental illness doesn’t escuse this:

Spy murder you won’t find on the news.

Stop it, Dan. Stop sending unsolicited dick pics, stop messaging underaged girls, stop being a felon who admits to owning guns and stop with the ridiculous death threats. Take your ball and go home, no one wants to play with you. People put up with you because your nutter butter bullshit is amusing to some. You can’t make a single move without someone taking note. You’re creepy and everyone has eyes on you. Stop it.

Also, aliens don’t want to see your shmeckle either so I wouldn’t count on trusting your eyes.

Have another tale of fucked up creepoids? Email me at Manchesterturtlette@gmail.com!