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The other day the Dartmouth Police, who have one of the top 5 best best police Facebook pages in Massachusetts, posted about some local slugrake stealing TV’s from Target:
Immediately in the comments people started recognizing this Fall River fudgecake. Naturally he decided it would be a good time to comment directly underneath a picture of himself stealing TVs, call these people rats, and deny that it’s him in the third person:
“I don’t see HIM walking out with anything.” Oh, you mean “me”? Because clearly that’s you Jason Ferreira:
And immediately the turtle signal appeared in the sky….
And he did not let us down.
Of course. Because, of course fucking of course. There was a 0.0% chance he didn’t have a flat brimmed Chicago Bulls hat readily visible on his Facebook page. You might as well get “guilty” tattooed on your foreskin.
This nut wallop is a walking tutorial on how to pretend to be hip in 2009. Like excessive use of the word “swag”
And still thinking “YOLO” is a thing:
Referring to to your “hat game” by showing off your assorted collection of flat brimmed hats with the stickers still on them:
Claiming that you “stunt hard”
Translation – I smoke Parliaments and drink Henny, see you at the Lil Wayne concert.
You also gotta rock the ice:
Two chains for pubestains.
After he was identified by the mob (which makes LEO’s jobs so much easier) he announced that he was doing the noble thing:
Obviously he did a lot better in first grade than he did in his first shot at tenth grade, because in elementary school you stay in your classroom whereas in high school they have periods. And as you can see from his failed attempt at the English language, this man is allergic to periods.
Let’s do the Fall River to English translation so we can figure out what he’s attempting to say…
“U know whats funny tho people just assume things but really they ant perfect themselves”
It’s true. If you’ve ever had an overdue library book or lost your temper around the house that means you’re not perfect. It’s basically the same thing as getting busted stealing two TV’s from Target and packing them into your Lexus.
“n want to come on here n rat people out like it’s cool but it’s ok at the end of the day I can sleep at nite knowing I did the right thing n returned that stuff”
Translation – I was shamed into returning the merchandise I stole, and was going to be arrested if I did not do so. This makes me virtuous and unlike you I can sleep well at night because I protect criminals I know on Facebook.
“n it obviously wasn’t for drugs cuz it would of been gone”
Translation – I tried calling up Diego for some of that Blue Magic, but it’s Fall River and that shit goes fast.
“so get your facts straight”
It wouldn’t be a ratchet rant without someone telling you to get your FACKS straight.
“n if u see the pics I never walked out with anything ok”
Wait…..what? So he’s denying it while simultaneously confessing? OK.
“so think bout how I did it somebody from the inside so not saying names not a rat like most of u people r”
Oh I see. He’s not gonna rat on whoever helped him do it, he’s just gonna point out where they work and alert the police to the fact that he did not do it on his own. He ain’t no rat though!! At least he’s got that going for him. Because……Fall River priorities.
11 Comment(s)
I can’t get over the plywood headboard. Classic.
“Stuntin’ hard”; slang; Renting out one’s mouth and anus for money or other negotiable material for the purpose of obtaining Chicago Bulls hats and apparel, shit chains with price range appropriate bling and illegal narcotics.
What is Fall River Station, the Beverly Hills of Fall River? Come on, people, nobody’s fooled. Same goes for you schmoes, too in Haverhill referring to Bradford like it’s the land of milk and honey.
Bradford…Same high school. The young ladies will be distributing head equally and knocked up by 9th grade whether your from one side if the bridge or the other.
There’s no way somebody could raise the bar of idiocy that far without meaning it in some way. The fact that he would actually post to the police website right beneath a picture of himself verges on psychopathy. I wouldn’t discount the possibility that he subconsciously wanted to get caught.
That’s muh boyfwend!!!
The ‘Rite’ thing would be for this asscock to put a bullet through his own head
Holy shit. A Hispanic dirtball stole something. That’s so fucking new, I’m having a hard time believing it.
This turd thinks he looks good? Wtf does “stuntin hard” mean? Sorry I’m not hip to turd English, and this cat looks like an old disabled person with the hat and sunglasses on trying too hard, maybe that’s his thing, but he’s no pick that’s for sure. Oh I know, he’s going for the IceJJFish look, y’all gotta look that kid up, he’s an article for himself for sure!
You can’t teach stupidty.
If he didn’t steal the TVs, what isn’t that he didn’t do for drugs?