Hoodrat Heroes

Ghetto Hampster Starts $25K GoFundMe For Crackhead Baby Daddy So She Can Get Him Into Rehab And Back To Being The Medium Crackhead He Was When They Procreated 

 

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This is Junazia Monae from one of the twin cities in Minnesota.

And she created what is quite possibly the greatest GoFundMe I’ve ever seen,

entitled, “HELP MY BABYDADDY GET OFF CRACK!!!!”

The GFM blew up yesterday and was shared nearly 100,000 times, because it’s amazing, and consequently she took it down. Then she changed her mind and put it back up today. Unfortunately if you don’t speak Ratchetese you’re not gonna understand what any of this means, so allow me to translate for you.

Ok guys i dont know where to start, I’ll just start from the beginning , So 3 years ago APRIL 8 2016 I MET THIS GUY NAMED (MIKEMOE) I was at the time going through something with my first love & decided to use mike to make my first love mad‍♀️

I had a boyfriend at the time, who naturally wears flat brimmed Chicago Bulls hats, which are a prerequisite for taking me to pound-town. 

However, he spent all his time working on his burgeoning rap career, so I took the first crackhead I found and let him bury his broomstick deep in my stench trench in the hopes of making my boyfriend jealous. Generally I court men like this by finding the closest dumper and taking a selfie of my big fat ass. 

First one who comes up behind me and gives me the R Kelly wins. 

welp plans changed, Instead i got to know the lil roach. Im like he kinda ugly but he coo doe so i said forget it & kept messing with him because his vibe. Im like buddy coo i guess,

I was initially planning on using him for the D and considered putting a paper bag over his head during sex because he’s hideous looking, but then I realized I was kind of a dumpsterslug myself so this was probably the best I was gonna get. 

Now 5 months past we vibing , next thing u know i done fell in love with a ugly kangaroo ‍♀️ 07.29.17 we had our first born, (James) *My son looks better than his dad* No cap , then 3 months ago 9.22.19 we had our second born *

We chose not to use birth control because when you live in Ilhan Omar’s district the more crotch fruits you can fire out the more money starts raining down from the welfare tree. And if you think I’ve learned my lesson from this, you are dead wrong, because I plan on procreating several more times. 

Mi’Nazia* he barely even knows! only seen her 4 times since she was born!

We chose to make a baby’s name up completely out of thin air, and found a way to include an apostrophe, thus greatly increasing the chances that the child’s first words will be, “yo daddy ain’t shit.”

He was a GREAAAAT father He didnt play about our baby boy ‍he always putted him 1st. until he got a hold to the DRUGS! They bond was super tight , tighter than the shirts & pants michael wears  Did i mention he do crack now .. NVM i’ll tell yall about that later, 

He never paid child support, but he fed the poon polyp a bottle a couple of times, which made him a great Dad until he decided that he’d rather smoke crack. I never saw this one coming. 

Anyways he started hanging around niggas that smoke k2, snort percs, drink lean, and do yopps. Eventually he started slacking, he moved 3 hrs away with his nanny, (courtney monay austin) and started slacking bad in life. He started stealing from her, Stealing her cars, And stealing money from her, Just to get to stpaul to get k2 , Now COURTNEY being desprate she puts up with that. She’ll do watever it is to keep a nigga around. Mind u she 34 he’s 23 .

Nanny is codeword for his “boo,” who is 11 years older than him. She keeps him around because although he may be a crackhead, he can still lay the pipe with the best of them. 

Anyways , me and her had a conversation on the phone 3 months ago. She told me about how she going to bring him a lot of k2 up to her place so he wouldnt have an excuse to come back to the cities ‍♀️ thats where she went wrong at because now my babydad is addicted to it badly,

I spoke with his new slampig who prevents him from returning to St. Paul by feeding him a steady diet of drugs and poon-tang. However, this was a mistake on her part because now he’s a junkie.

3 days ago im walking into the gas station to pay for my gas , i see a young man looking like a D#$% fool ! On side of the gas station trying to get my attention! I didnt know who it was so i kept walking , he didnt know who i was either , Now he’s all behind me begging for 4$’s i turn around because as he got closer voice sounded more familiar to me ITS MY BABYDAD he tried to play it off & say he knew it was me he was juss playing around, No because why is it crust around yo lips i automatically figured he was on crack.

My baby daddy is such a crackhead that he didn’t recognize me, despite the fact that we had a child together a year ago, asked me for $4, and then played it off like he was kidding. Crackhead humor is an acquired taste, but she did not believe he was kidding due to the crust around his lips. 

I looked down he had on some big a$$ busted black forces, Lordddd ‍♀️ i automatically got upset with him because never have i expected him to turn into a crackhead i mean wen i met him he was a medium crackhead‍♀️ but i changed him to do better.

She was a positive influence in his life, as can be ascertained by the fact that he was only a “medium crackhead,” while they were making not one, but two babies together. This is what “medium crackhead” looks like.

It’s not ideal, but it’s manageable. However, the new dick cushion in his life allows him to go full crackhead, which makes her a bad influence. 

After our breakup idk wtf happen to him. Anyways, the nigga on drugs bad i bumped into him 2 months later again this time downtown, He was stratching his neck begging for 4$ and 50 cents now. So he see me and my son walking into the store downtown he saw my son pull out a 10$ bill , And asked my son can he get his changes after he pay for his snacks which was 5.25 im like wtf turn around its him again once again he said he knew it was me. He was just playing‍♀️ 

Several months later the same exact thing happened, except due to inflation he now asks for $4.50 instead of $4. This time her son, who is two years old, was for some reason carrying around $10 on him, and the sperm donor who abandoned him asked the 2 year old if he could get the change he’d receive after purchasing snacks. He once again played it off like it was a practical joke.

so just a small donation of 5$ 10$ maybe 15$ we can all come together and help my babydaddy go back normal and put him in treatment‍♀️ i cant sleep at night knowing he a crackhead im so hurt, we use to be a happy family before the drugs abused him, He started losing dreads and sleep. like lets come together and make MINNESOTA great again! arent yall tired of him stopping yall too begging for 4$’s? lets get this man in rehab plus he be stealing k2 roaches from his hommies! they should really pintch in and help. He use to be healthy before he started doin crack BRING BACK THE OLD MIKE LETS GET HIM HELP NOW WE LOSING TOO MANY FATHERS TO CRACK, JAIL OR THE GRAVE! LETS MAKE HIM UN BECOME A CRACK HEAD. & Nooo i dont do drugs! im sober asf dont even smoke cigarettes or drink! i just wanna get my babydaddy off crack before its too late. my kids deserve a sober dad‍♀️ now he sleeping with his step cousin who is 15 years older than him he said he need help he just dont know where to find it, LORD … surving having a Crackhead ass baby daddy LIFETIME! IM READY TO TELL MY STORY!! snapchat:mickeeeybaby

Give me money so I can put him in rehab where he can magically go back to being a medium crackhead and be the dream father I always imagined he would be when we named our first child Mi’Nazia. Things are getting ugly now that he is fucking his step-cousin, who is 15 years his senior. 

Remarkably she was able to raise $95 last I saw, and probably more by the time she shut the GFM down and withdrew all the cash.

Because some people are fucking idiots, and will give money to anyone who pretends like they’re getting their life together.

 

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36 Comment(s)
  • Community Improvement, Inc.
    January 16, 2020 at 5:22 am

    I have the new miracle cure for his disease.
    CCB.
    Guaranteed 100% effective, proven in multiple clinical trials.
    Not currently FDA approved but NRA endorsed.
    Click.
    Click.
    BOOM.

  • Silencio Dogood
    January 15, 2020 at 1:09 am

    her version of Stepin Fetchit (Sm. Crackhead) Ebonics has no word for ‘husband.’

    i spent hours on Urban Dictionary before realizing that her screed had been translated, d’oh!

  • Hell in Minnesota
    January 14, 2020 at 8:06 pm

    Her GoFundMe failed because she forgot Rule #1: blame racism and the System. A startling omission.
    But demographically, they are out-reproducing us, will someday vote, and will eventually destroy everything of lasting value as they destroy themselves.

  • jamal khashoggi's rotting corpse
    January 14, 2020 at 7:38 pm

    there was a sheboon named monae
    who went for a roll in the hay
    her babby daddy’s shot
    turned into a tot
    so now he smokes crack all day

  • Hate Dindus
    January 14, 2020 at 7:19 pm

    It’s wild to me that some people think blacks should have rights.

  • Jim the greek
    January 14, 2020 at 6:38 pm

    I’d give $5 just for the story, funny as fuck. And it makes me feel better about myself and having to wake up at 5:30 am to go to work.

  • Fred Knessl
    January 14, 2020 at 5:08 pm

    How do these African-American Gentlemen run from their deeds when the crotch of the Pants is somewhere around their GODDAMN KNEES???

  • Tenfro
    January 14, 2020 at 3:41 pm

    Who is paying for the nigglette?

    • Pelosi's piss flaps
      January 14, 2020 at 7:30 pm

      savethechimps dot org

  • Lost Cause
    January 14, 2020 at 3:11 pm

    This is the funniest shit I’ve ever read in my life and I hope you posted this to laugh with her and not at her. It was just a joke she didn’t do it to really raise money.

  • Jane Goodall
    January 14, 2020 at 1:08 pm

    I believe its the Silverback species.

  • Aunt Esther
    January 14, 2020 at 1:01 pm

    The pitbulls name is scarface.

  • Make His Fentanyl
    January 14, 2020 at 12:57 pm

    $95.00 will git yoz’s 5 shiny roczs.

  • Bloop
    January 14, 2020 at 12:42 pm

    “Its coo doe” mother of fucking God. What part of Africa is this dialect from?
    The scary thing is that for every one of these pieces of trash on here, there are hundreds of thousands just like them or worse getting free money from the gubmint. Keep working people.Theys gots cracks to smoke and no moneys to pays for it. Ya herd

    • Hugh-Bo Mont
      January 14, 2020 at 1:08 pm

      Somalia

  • Senor' Discount. ;)
    January 14, 2020 at 12:33 pm

    Street cheetahs are the same from the twin cities to the coasts… And they wonder why they are considered base humans.

  • Disgusting behavior
    January 14, 2020 at 12:31 pm

    ROFL and at the end she posted her snapchat. What the fuck? Stop blaming drugs, jail, or the grave. If a subculture keeps viewing themselves as victims, that’s all they’ll amount to.

  • Marshall St. Garage
    January 14, 2020 at 12:26 pm

    In the one picture where she looks healthy……WTF is that on the ground behind her?

  • Big fan
    January 14, 2020 at 12:23 pm

    Wow, I can’t believe those “journalists” called you a tabloid.

  • Jewmerica
    January 14, 2020 at 12:21 pm

    Normally I would post something stupid, but this guy, I have to admit is still living a better life than me!

  • John Blutarsky
    January 14, 2020 at 12:20 pm

    A match made in STD heaven with herpes for everyone!

  • Jeremy
    January 14, 2020 at 12:20 pm

    I LOVE one of her comments when some people only donated 5 bucks lol “its not enough to even take him to rehab” how much is this slug putting in to “helping” him? Cuz ya know people should put in 100s of their hard earned money into this scam! Dumb brainless broad! Why doesnt she go off on the people that donated $0 dollars like me? Like we are some kind of fools?

  • Natasha
    January 14, 2020 at 12:17 pm

    A medium crackhead lololol

  • Ram Jam
    January 14, 2020 at 12:11 pm

    ” Make Minnesota great again “. Fucking funny! Time to import more Somalians..

  • VINNY
    January 14, 2020 at 12:08 pm

    I’m sure that Rachael Rollins, Congresswomen Pressley ,AOC and congresswoman Omar from Minnesota and Senator Lying Liz will donate to this worthy cause.

  • Junkies against plastic straw ban
    January 14, 2020 at 12:08 pm

    I gots da bigg brainz unda dis Flatbrim.
    NBA playas tellz mez da irth bez flat.

  • Casino Scum
    January 14, 2020 at 12:05 pm

    Would. Pre-pregnant she was hot.
    Now, no way. She’s been contaminated.
    I can find better at Foxwoods on a Thursday.

    • whitey
      January 14, 2020 at 1:21 pm

      I will be @ Foxwoods on Thursday. Where is the best pickup spot? Thanks

  • Clowns
    January 14, 2020 at 11:54 am

    People are actually donating money to them? They are gonna buy crack and anyone who can’t see that is a fool. If she was truly concerned with his addiction, all she needs to do is go to the local court house and section 35 him. He will be locked up for 30 days, won’t be able to leave early and there will be no reason take anyone’s money. Period.

    • I see dumb people... Everywhere
      January 15, 2020 at 8:42 am

      Section 35 is not that easy.. You can ask for it until you’re black and blue in the face ( literally from bruising due to your spouses addiction) the court calls in some random hack doctor who spends a total of 2 minutes talking to the person you are trying to save. They ask the addict if they think they have a drug/ alcohol problem the addict says No they can quite whenever they want.. Hack doctor tells judge the addict who just tried to kill their spouse while under the influence does NOT have a problem with drugs or alcohol as they could stop whenever they want, in turn allowing the addict to walk free and get wasted and come back to try to finish what they started because you exposed their addiction in court and tried what you know was a last ditch effort to save anything left of the person you once knew and spent your whole life with.
      You end up living your life hiding from said addict and become a fucking hermit in fear of what they will do should you accidentally bump into them somewhere while your alone and they are under the influence , because you know the truth , you know they use from the minute they open their eyes until the minute they pass da fuq out. Courts do not care about addicts and they most certainly do not give a flying fuck about an addicts victims.. Those victim fees don’t go towards any actual programs to help victims they supposedly “pay” the victim witness advocates that volunteer to be there… I question the legitimacy of that as they are infact volunteers not on payroll for the courts.

  • Frank Rizzo
    January 14, 2020 at 11:52 am

    That was so fantastically entertaining I’m actually considering donating to the GoFundMe! NOT!!!

  • Say No to Nogs
    January 14, 2020 at 11:39 am

    You can take the boons out of Africa but you can’t take the Africa out of the boons

  • We've all been there
    January 14, 2020 at 11:26 am

    Not!

  • Ratchetsaurous Rex
    January 14, 2020 at 11:21 am

    Even my Ratchet ass has not a clue what this chicks saying haha Thanks for the clarification TB. This probably is one the funniest, like old man can’t breathe from laughing so hard, GFM that has existed. Look at the comments on it though hahahaha “You were brave enough to tell your story” WHAT IN THE ACTUAL FUCK LMFAO

  • New boot goofin'
    January 14, 2020 at 11:13 am

    Well lot to unpack here…lot to unpack. This girl should be hired to write scripts for SNL.

    • Cute Chick
      January 14, 2020 at 5:09 pm

      She can be Cardi B’s running mate for the New Illiterate Party!!!

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