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GoFundMe For Manchester Meatflap Who Is “Too Cute For Prison” Has Raised $2,500 After She Pointed Rifle At 2 Year Old’s Head On Christmas Morning, Shut Down Entire Block During Standoff

GoFundMe For Manchester Meatflap Who Is “Too Cute For Prison” Has Raised $2,500 After She Pointed Rifle At 2 Year Old On Christmas Morning, Shut Down Entire Block During Standoff


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Here’s a fun GoFundMe scam…..

So let me get this straight. We’re supposed to “Free Carrie” because she’s “too cute to be behind bars,” and the free public defender you’re getting isn’t good enough to “free her”? Sounds legit.

Somehow this winner has raised nearly a quarter of the $10,000 goal, largely because of a G from one donor:

Safe to say Carrie owes James a basket lunch as soon as she gets out the can.

Anyway, I wonder what she did to deserve this outpouring of support? Is she some sort of political prisoner? Did she steal a loaf of bread to feed her starving family?

Nope. Turns out she pointed a rival at a baby’s head, causing a huge SWAT team standoff that shut down an entire street in Manchester on Christmas morning before being tazed into submission:

A Manchester woman at the center of a Christmas Day standoff with police had her day in court Tuesday. Carrie Portinari is accused of pointing a rifle at several people, including an infant, as they arrived to her C Street apartment building for Christmas. Portinari entered a not guilty plea to a number of charges. Prosecutors said she is a danger to the community, while those who know her say her alleged actions are completely out of character.

“There was a witness who was driving down the street who did witness the defendant pointing a rifle at two men and a baby,” a prosecutor said.

Witnesses also told police that Portinari was entering and “smacking” cars that did not belong to her. Responding officers said the 43-year-old refused to speak with them and went back into her apartment, prompting a SWAT team response. C Street was closed off and the neighborhood was put on lockdown, creating quite a scene for residents.

Sounds like someone was upset that Santa didn’t get her that Hatchimal she wanted. 

Prosecutors said Portinari admitted to police that she got in a heated argument with her roommate earlier that day. She was eventually taken into custody after police used a stun gun on her. Portinari’s attorney highlighted his client’s lack of criminal record.

“She basically has no criminal record. She has a single DUI conviction that is from 2016,” he said.

Oh yea, “basically” no criminal record. Unless you count that DUI, AND a conviction for it. But that was wayyyyyy in the past. Over a full year ago. And 2016 was a leap year too!!

Maybe the free my boi patrol is right about this lawyer. I mean, would you trust someone with a haircut like this?

I’d take the first lawyer from

My Cousin Vinny 

over Moptop McGee any day of the week. Just sayin. 

Friends who were at her hearing described her off-camera as one of the nicest people, saying this is not the woman they know. Their statements were also echoed by her neighbors.

“Yeah, I’m really surprised. I mean she was always nice to us,” JT Musuku said.

Yea, she never put a gun to my head, so this definitely seems out of character. 

As for the “too cute for jail” thing. I mean, she does have potential:

Just seems a little beat up by life for my taste. Sorry, but I usually don’t pursue women who look like the 80’s kicked the shit out of them after routinely getting train run on them by ACDC an ACDC cover band. Then again, maybe that’s why so many dudes have donated to the free muh girl fund. Something tells me when she gets out she’s gonna treat some of them to a debauchery carousel. My question is, who’s got first dibs? Tony Valentin started the fundraiser:

But James Chouinard put his money where his mouth is, so I’m pretty sure she’s gonna have to put her mouth where his manmeat is now. That’s just how the rules of the free my boi GoFundMe work. She knows that. He knows that. Everyone knows that.

16 Comment(s)
  • West High Alumni
    December 31, 2017 at 9:24 pm

    Her quote from the 1992 West High Yearbook – “To dream of the person you would like to be is to waste the person you are”. Carrie Portinari. I’d say she should have focused on the dream. I wish I could post the picture – what a change…

  • December 30, 2017 at 12:29 am

    Isn’t it a violation of GoFraudMe’s “terms of service” to collect funds for criminals? Report away, Turtle Riders.

  • Eljefe72
    December 29, 2017 at 5:43 pm

    Linda Hamilton’s stunt double from the Terminator movies.

  • KJDS
    December 29, 2017 at 3:22 pm

    “pointed a rival at a baby’s head”

    Dude, seriously. Proofread before posting.

  • Wtf
    December 29, 2017 at 9:36 am

    It’s so sad when ignorant spermsticks think they are tough walking around with their over bred , untrained , probably unvetted “pit bull”. I have know a couple
    Very good pits and many not so good.
    What kind of grooming does that dog need ? As the owner you are not capable of giving it a bath or clipping its nails ? Red flag right there. I wouldn’t even care about the muzzle
    Stop taking your untrained , vicious and NOT cool dog out to public interaction and give it a fucking bath yourself. It’s easy if u train right. I have 5 lg dogs and I can bath them. One jumps
    In the tub daily. Trying to untrain that. Lol.
    After 2nd human bite the dog needs to be euthanized. I am sorry but that is a direct result of human ignorance no matter
    How you look at it. From litter forward all human stupidity.

    • #uhhhhhhhhh
      December 29, 2017 at 9:49 am

      Well first mistake, wrong post, this article is about a psycho chick that pulls rifles on toddlers and some jackass thinks she’s too cute for jail, clearly he needs glasses or to put down the bottle because she’s a 6-8 shot Friday night, no less.

  • Dark Truth
    December 29, 2017 at 8:35 am

    The thirst is strong with these betas.

  • They call me Ponch
    December 29, 2017 at 8:31 am

    Daaaaaaang. We found Joe Dirt’s sister.

    ( It’s pronounced Dirte’ )

  • Holiday Crash and Burn
    December 29, 2017 at 6:05 am

    Ginger Woman, no further questions your honor.

    Ginger + Woman + Holiday Stress + Bipolar + Borderline + Substance Abuser = This Chick.

    I do believe she is best placed in a psychiatric hospital, don’t agree she’s cute not that good looking just thin. People like her can function almost completely normal when on their meds, hold a normal job and be above average intelligence.

    They need daily minding to take their meds and monitoring for substance abuse and changes in behavior. Psyche hospital for a year or two then a half way house then a legal guardian with an iron will and no nonsense, Kathy Bates type of legal guardian.

    • yup
      December 29, 2017 at 7:25 pm

      you nailed it (minus the ginger insults lol)

      everyone else nailing her for a psychotic break, that’s not your job, you’re commenters not bloggers. let the bloggers make the lulz and stop trying to write your own version of comedy…..it’s, not the same.

  • Fred Flinstoner
    December 29, 2017 at 2:13 am

    I know Carri, she aint no ho, no disease monger nada. She has been going through some issues and been erratic for past year or so. She has done some fucked up things lately, so by all means put on blast, but know, she aint no ho or chronic. She keeps her probs to herself so no one knows what is up. Actually a solid chick, and agree with the others. I know, rare for Manchester. lmao. She’d actually be a great turtle, and I know would no doubt bitch slap DiDi if they ever crossed paths. Serious, straight up good peeps. Does got to get her shiite together though This coming from a STAUNCH turtle! World be known baby.

    • Finn
      December 29, 2017 at 2:32 am

      Fred Flinstoner,

      For the love of God, write a legible post.

      “but know, she aint no ho or chronic. ” What?

      “She’d actually be a great turtle”. No. I’m in no way am I an authority/in charge/representative of TBS – but NO, she’d be a horrible turtle.

      “no doubt [sic] she would bitch slap DiDi if they ever crossed paths.” — Pretty sure TBS doesn’t condone violence. ever. just don’t.

      • Fred Flintstoner
        December 29, 2017 at 6:14 am

        For the love of God, write a legible post. – Flint”stoner” bruh, it is what it is.

        “but know, she aint no ho or chronic. ” What? Isnt a whore or has the disease, simpler times I guess lol

        “She’d actually be a great turtle”. No. I’m in no way am I an authority/in charge/representative of TBS – but NO, she’d be a horrible turtle. – Reinforces -people dont know the real Carri, just the picutre projected. She isnt a ratch either and would be the first to blast someone who was

        “no doubt [sic] she would bitch slap DiDi if they ever crossed paths.” — Pretty sure TBS doesn’t condone violence. ever. just don’t. – Yes, of course, hypothetical bruh, used consisently in the Turtle mantra as a way of life. ha, ha, ha , ha, he said condone …………………….

        Sit back, relax, accept my share or dont. Knowin what I do, I feel exact what me said. Also note, me didnt let her off, and craxed her for what she has done. ha, ha, ha , ha, he said horrible turtle, no such thang

        • #thatwasaninsultnumbnuts
          December 29, 2017 at 9:53 am

          Wow..I love how you tried to get him to see how ratchet he was Finn, he doesn’t get it. Who the hell talks like that?!? Did you just climb out of a crack house and can’t form complete words, don’t worry about a sentence, this kid can’t even form a complete word. I’m sorry he missed your whole point Finn, it’s a shame these people are allowed to be out in the open walking around in public, they are a danger to themselves and others, totally missed kindergarten comprehension.

  • #ifthatscutecallmeCindyCrawford
    December 29, 2017 at 12:46 am

    Holy moly, what an 80s train wreck! Cute?!? To who??? She looks like she’d fit right in with the other ratchet rejects in the state pen. No sane person points any kind of weapon that shoots projectiles at children, this chick is coo-coo for Cocoa Puffs

  • Finn
    December 28, 2017 at 11:45 pm

    Would *not* on that Fanta-pants.

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