GoFundMe For Manchester Meatflap Who Is “Too Cute For Prison” Has Raised $2,500 After She Pointed Rifle At 2 Year Old On Christmas Morning, Shut Down Entire Block During Standoff
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So let me get this straight. We’re supposed to “Free Carrie” because she’s “too cute to be behind bars,” and the free public defender you’re getting isn’t good enough to “free her”? Sounds legit.
Somehow this winner has raised nearly a quarter of the $10,000 goal, largely because of a G from one donor:
Safe to say Carrie owes James a basket lunch as soon as she gets out the can.
Anyway, I wonder what she did to deserve this outpouring of support? Is she some sort of political prisoner? Did she steal a loaf of bread to feed her starving family?
Nope. Turns out she pointed a rival at a baby’s head, causing a huge SWAT team standoff that shut down an entire street in Manchester on Christmas morning before being tazed into submission:
A Manchester woman at the center of a Christmas Day standoff with police had her day in court Tuesday. Carrie Portinari is accused of pointing a rifle at several people, including an infant, as they arrived to her C Street apartment building for Christmas. Portinari entered a not guilty plea to a number of charges. Prosecutors said she is a danger to the community, while those who know her say her alleged actions are completely out of character.
“There was a witness who was driving down the street who did witness the defendant pointing a rifle at two men and a baby,” a prosecutor said.
Witnesses also told police that Portinari was entering and “smacking” cars that did not belong to her. Responding officers said the 43-year-old refused to speak with them and went back into her apartment, prompting a SWAT team response. C Street was closed off and the neighborhood was put on lockdown, creating quite a scene for residents.
Sounds like someone was upset that Santa didn’t get her that Hatchimal she wanted.
Prosecutors said Portinari admitted to police that she got in a heated argument with her roommate earlier that day. She was eventually taken into custody after police used a stun gun on her. Portinari’s attorney highlighted his client’s lack of criminal record.
“She basically has no criminal record. She has a single DUI conviction that is from 2016,” he said.
Oh yea, “basically” no criminal record. Unless you count that DUI, AND a conviction for it. But that was wayyyyyy in the past. Over a full year ago. And 2016 was a leap year too!!
Maybe the free my boi patrol is right about this lawyer. I mean, would you trust someone with a haircut like this?
I’d take the first lawyer from My Cousin Vinny
My Cousin Vinnyover Moptop McGee any day of the week. Just sayin.
Friends who were at her hearing described her off-camera as one of the nicest people, saying this is not the woman they know. Their statements were also echoed by her neighbors.
“Yeah, I’m really surprised. I mean she was always nice to us,” JT Musuku said.
Yea, she never put a gun to my head, so this definitely seems out of character.
As for the “too cute for jail” thing. I mean, she does have potential:
Just seems a little beat up by life for my taste. Sorry, but I usually don’t pursue women who look like the 80’s kicked the shit out of them after routinely getting train run on them by
ACDC an ACDC cover band. Then again, maybe that’s why so many dudes have donated to the free muh girl fund. Something tells me when she gets out she’s gonna treat some of them to a debauchery carousel. My question is, who’s got first dibs? Tony Valentin started the fundraiser:
But James Chouinard put his money where his mouth is, so I’m pretty sure she’s gonna have to put her mouth where his manmeat is now. That’s just how the rules of the free my boi GoFundMe work. She knows that. He knows that. Everyone knows that.