Nudniks

Homeless Cambridge Fupasloths Start GoFundMe After Missing Deadline For Another Year Of Free Food Stamps, Start Online War With Bertucci’s After Dumping In Bathroom For An Hour Without Buying Food

Follow @TurtleboyNews on Twitter by clicking here.

Follow Turtleboy on Instagram by clicking here.

Follow and like the Turtleboy Sports Returns, and Phil Prentiss to keep up with the hilarious turtle rider commentary.

Want to advertise with Turtleboy? Email us at Turtleboysports@gmail.com for more information.

If you like free speech and want to support what we’re doing, feel free to donate to the Turtle fund:




 

 

 

 

 

 

Hey fam – if you’d like to support Turtleboy and what we do here, feel free to hit the donate button at the top. We basically have to run this site like a Bernie Sanders campaign now since we’ve been blacklisted by Google and Facebook, due to the fact that rabid SJWs keep reporting our posts. Getting blacklisted by Google is a death sentence for most websites, since it’s much harder to monetize. And we all know the damage Facebook has done. We’re never going to stop fighting for free speech, but in the meantime the best way for turtle riders to fight back is to donate to the cause. Without you people none of this is possible. We love you all. 

 

A few months back we published this blog about about a Cambridge fupasloth couple who refused to rehome their pets even though they chose to be unemployed and live on the streets.

And despite being morbidly obese they were starving, and thus constantly made GoFundMe pages begging for people to pay for their hotel rooms….

Or this, one begging people for plane tickets to Germany so they could go to college there and learn how to sell their craptacular street “art.”

She also whines that she can’t get insurance to pay for her gender transition surgery so she join the banana express….

Their names were Blake Loren Newton and Justin Newton.

I say “were” because they’ve apparently both “transitioned,” and changed their names, so now he’s the chick and she’s the dude. Justin is now Gareth Robert Newton-Blake, and Loren Blake Newton is now  Andrew Jonathan Blake-Newton.

This is all perfectly logical. And if you think any of this is weird, or that they might have some sort of mental illness, congratulations, you are a bigot who is no longer welcomed on Twitter or Facebook.

Well, almost nine months later they’re shockingly still both unemployed, collecting from the taxpayers and whining about how the government isn’t doing enough for them:

Just to review:

  • They’ve been living in storage unit in Vermont for a month
  • She (the one with the vagina) got an alert on her $700 phone that she needed to fill out some forms to keep getting food stamps
  • Her husband’s food stamps are different from hers because they were talking about breaking up and finding new morbidly obese nonbinary homeless fupasloths to mate with
  • They got $400 worth of food stamps on an undeclared day
  • He received $675 in SSI, despite being able to work while refusing to even consider getting a job
  • Despite this, he still was applying for more food stamps
  • She only got $211 in food stamps because their account was “under review” which upset her because she is clearly dying of hunger
  • She had to be back by September 7th to sign a document in order to get more food stamps, but 3 days notice was not enough time for her to bust out the forklift and get back to Massachusetts for free shit
  • Because of this their account was closed and they got no food stamps
  • Charlie Baker and Jay Gonzalez aren’t doing enough to “fix” the fact that two adults who refuse to work were too lazy to fill out a form that would get them more free food stamps
  • Now you should give them more money because the government isn’t giving them enough free shit
  • They still collect food stamps under their old names, which might be transphobic

What a life. This is why I go to work every day – so I can feed Hansel and Grundle and pay for their healthcare. Remember though, food stamps were not supposed to be a way of life. They were supposed to be a way to help people who are struggling not starve to death while they got their life back together. It’s also supposed to be for single mothers and the elderly, not two helium hemorrhoids in their early 30’s.

Oh, and with the food stamps they evidently eat out at Bertucci’s once a week, and since she’s “incontinent” (too slow to waddle to the bathroom before soiling herself) she believes that she is allowed to dump in their bathrooms whenever they please, even when they are not dining:


The nerve of this guy. So she was in the bathroom for an hour dropping jumbo sized cadbury eggs while using their free wifi to share Occupy Democrats memes on Facebook. She has a RIGHT to destroy a bathroom that people who are actually paying them to eat would like to use.

Oh, and she once had a panic attack from being misgendered:

This is the kind of person we should be taking seriously when they demand we use their chosen pronouns.

41 Comment(s)
  • Jay Neil Wutan
    June 15, 2020 at 10:32 am

    It’s got a vape that it wears on a chain around its neck. Vaping is not cheap…

  • The real boy is a pedifile
    September 10, 2018 at 2:59 pm

    Offender ImagePhoto Date: 4/20/2012
    NEWTON, JUSTIN PAUL

    Sex Offender #
    21859
    Birth Date
    1/24/1987
    Gender
    Male
    Registry Type
    Twenty Year
    Registry Status
    Compliant
    Supervised Release
    YES
    Race
    White
    Height
    5′-9″
    Weight
    195 lbs
    Hair Color
    Brown
    Eye Color
    Blue
    Biometric
    YES
    Track Offender View Photo History Print Flyer
    Address Information

    Primary Address: 4359 Murray HWY Hardin KY 42048 Marshall County Map it
    Remarks

    Offenses requiring registration

    Code Count Description County Name State
    510.110 1 SEXUAL ABUSE 1ST DEGREE Mccracken KY
    Victim Age: [13 y/o]
    Known Aliases

    • Jason
      September 12, 2018 at 11:58 pm

      Hey dumbass maybe they are fucking lazy, but reread the name of “real boy” his name is Justin ROBERT” not Justin Paul. Name is right there for you. Jesus Christ you fuckwit. But these fuckers are gross. They need to die already.

  • Ames1049
    September 9, 2018 at 12:46 pm

    The lazy freaks don’t look like they are starving. Cut all taxpayer benefits and let them decide to either work or die like the rest of us do every day. With a fat store like she has, she can probably go for about a year and a half before she’s even close to being skinny.

  • msheadkracker
    #fuckyourfakeptsdyoucunt
    September 9, 2018 at 1:20 am

    Hold the fuck up, now its mate isnt transitioning to a female??!?? When did it decide this? It has got to be the biggest attention starved fat slob on the planet, because you dont just transition and then all of a sudden have PTSD from people calling you the wrong pronouns. Get a job you lazy cunt, you cant change your gender marker, its labeled on every strand of DNA in your body you stupid twat. Now lets hope to God it doesnt decide its female again and shit out another worthless welfare leech, theyd probably raise as a “theyby” you know, the dipshits that think its cool to not know or tell anyone the sec of their baby and let it pick what the fuck it wants it wants to be and then needs therapy the rest of its life because their parents were too stupid to call it a boy or girl like the rest of normal society would do. Hopefully, every business with bathrooms sees this post and how moochy this cunt is and locks its doors when they see it walking close. Fuck Allys law, piss your pants like the rest of us have to when we arent close to a bathroom or better yet, get a job so you can take your galactic shits in your own house without stinking out an entire resturant. Thats why they called the cops you idiot, customers started complaining about the smell from your ass! You have to question why they are on the street and not in the home of a relative, how many bridges have they burned that absolutly no one will take them in?!?

  • Surprised SHE hasn’t ate her cat yet.
    September 8, 2018 at 9:37 pm

    Kill em both. Nasty sacks of shit. Oh and fuck your “preferred” pronouns. You’re just nasty pigs. 

  • Judge dread
    September 8, 2018 at 10:10 am

    Didn’t this cheese hog get the memo that Starbucks are the world’s gets public restroom? Plus who spends 20-60 minutes in a public restroom? Unless your taking a sink bath or shooting dope, no one does. Apparently while she was reading the financial times.

    And that laminated card with her name on it, wtf up with that? What are you 8 years old and in summer camp?

    There’s a reason she doesn’t have a job, it’s because she will sue her employers using EEOC discrimination lawsuits when she gets bitched at for showing up to work 2 hours late. No sane employer would ever hire her because she will sue and the employer will have to pay the law firm $400/hr to defend themselves.

    • Judge dread
      September 8, 2018 at 10:20 am

      This is why we need to bring back the draft. If she wants to be a man so bad, then the drill instructor will treat her Iike one. Btw I’m glad this bitch lost her benefits. Oh I guess calling her a bitch is misgendering.

  • straightwhitegirl
    September 8, 2018 at 7:33 am

    Couldn’t even finish watching the video. “Um, um, um” it triggered my PTSD just listening to it. Seriously though, I’m disabled and just got food stamps, and I’m happy with what I have ($90 per month). I’m single and my children are all grown. I use coupons and coupon sites. How do these two get so much more than that while also being single with no children?

    • straightwhitegirl
      September 8, 2018 at 7:35 am

      ps. how does he/she afford to get his/her hair dyed??

  • Dick DiBona
    September 8, 2018 at 12:51 am

    Can you imagine what the bathroom smells like after that 2 week unwashed ass lets loose with a bout of explosive diarrhea?

  • Judge dread
    September 7, 2018 at 10:27 pm

    Ugg
    1. Don’t poke the turtle
    2. It’s late and I’m old I’m going to bed.

    I can’t give a good comment cuz I’m tired and I want to go to bed.

  • We’re fucked
    September 7, 2018 at 10:05 pm

    Why don’t they just move to Greenfield? They’ll be fucken celebrities on the town common. Fucken pigs. Have some self respect. Be a fucken ferrett for all I care. Just do something productive while you are. This is why Im an asshole to my kids on a regular basis. It’s so the my don’t turn out like these useless theives of the world’s oxygen. Somehow this world now encourages parents kidding their kids ass so that when they ‘grow up’ they expect the world to do the same. We’re fucked.

  • BucketNutz
    BucketNutz
    September 7, 2018 at 8:44 pm

    (1) Creatures like this have many pro-life people rushing to donate to Planned Parenthood (Is it too late for their moms to go make a visit to the clinic?).
    (2) Sure, go to Germany you slobs. There are lots of ‘new’ Germans who would love to share their ideas about Sharia Law with you…….PERSONALLY.

    • Fo Sho
      Not wid my dick
      September 8, 2018 at 9:34 pm

      HeShe don’t have to worry about the Muzzies………. they don’t eat pigs.

  • Leigha Genduso
    September 7, 2018 at 8:10 pm

    The only ones I feel bad for are the animals who are completely innocent in this whole thing. Get jobs, you losers. Lots of people have chronic illnesses and still go to work. Get off your ashes.

  • whatevuh
    whatevuh
    September 7, 2018 at 7:23 pm

    holy crap, she takes up two zip codes, let it die, we’ll all be better off

  • Wade Boggs Taint
    September 7, 2018 at 6:41 pm

    Nature should just take its course here and thin the herd. Simply put, he-she-it-whatever is nothing more than a burden on those of us who produce. In nature if you can’t take care of yourself, the rest of the pack doesn’t pony up to keep you alive. The best thing she could do for civilization is die and be fertilizer .

  • TJB
    TJB
    September 7, 2018 at 6:02 pm

    “not starve to death while they got their life back together. It’s also supposed to be for single mothers and the elderly, not two helium hemorrhoids ” Indeed. As a White Male husband and father; I was not able to work for three months due to a motorcycle accident. I applied for assistance; and was told straight out by a whoppi look alike with greasy oily potato chip lips…. ‘you don’t qualify for nuffins’

  • fattyfucker
    September 7, 2018 at 6:00 pm

    you should kill your cat with a hammer or a tire iron, then eat the fucking rat chaser you fat kuntbitch.
    your partner is a betacuck, probably loves it in the ass, kill the ferret too you fat pig

  • Yuck
    September 7, 2018 at 5:42 pm

    Well, damn! Of course that fat bitch needs a goddamn hour in the bathroom. It is no easy task for someone that obese to try (emphasis on “try”) to get the shit smears out of that massive ass. Plus, when someone is eating that much food, it takes a fucking shit ton of time to offload it. Goddamn, eat a fucking salad!

  • Daniel Sullivan
    Transitioning Twat
    September 7, 2018 at 5:39 pm

    These things are fucking disgusting. We need to stop helping people who refuse to help themselves. Natural selection needs to take over. All these things do is take take take. They give nothing beneficial back to society. They’re wastes of life. Yes I know how dare I say such mean things this is how people commit suicide blah blah blah. Good if you’re so fragile that opinions about you make you want to take your own life then 1. Please do so and 2. You probably won’t survive much longer anyways. Lose some weight, got a fuck job and support yourselves. YES IT IS THAT EASY! Fuck Off!

  • Regina
    September 7, 2018 at 5:32 pm

    Do these people have a criminal history or drug history? Someone should check. If not, then leave them alone they aren’t hurting anyone!

  • Peter
    September 7, 2018 at 5:28 pm

    Hey Alex read through their profiles. Phones are $50 each. Which their mom helped them get because their phones were stolen while they slept. They aren’t living in their storage unit, they are camping while they close out their storage unit. They are getting their apartment in November. Justin is changing his name to Gareth, not transitioning to female. Blake is transitioning to male, thus is male, by law considering he posted that he legally changed his gender marker. You continuously contradict yourself and the posts these people make, such as Blake’s and Gareth’s foodstamps being lowered to $211 AFTER they combined their account, you said it was just Blake. Going from $400 to $211 is a drastic change, and then to have it shut off completely when you rely on juice and stuff to stay alive. Also, wouldn’t it be cruelty to re-home their pets at this point? They have been outside longer than they were inside, and with Blake and Gareth for nearly their whole lives, and they will be moving into their apartment in November. Also, by law, any place that offers restrooms to customers, MUST also allow people who are NOT customers to use them if they have disabilities covered under Ally’s law. Truly Alex Deluca. Get a life. You used to be a drunk that pissed all over himself and was constantly arrested. I know who you are and I know who Gareth and Blake are. They are 50× the people you will ever be, considering they are the type of people that if you need food or anything, and they have already eaten, they will help you if they have it. They are amazing people who spoil and love their pets. Yes they might have some mental health and physical health issues, but who the hell are you to judge? You are in and out of work yourself. As someone who has SEEN Gareth and Blake make a ton of money with their business when they have their permits, shame on you for crapping on it. They are earning their money. They would much prefer that to panhandling, having a GoFundMe, and asking for help. As someone who has talked to them, actually TALKED to them I know this. Did you know they only got foodstamps because they couldn’t sell their jewelry anymore because their permit was revoked? The reasoning was that they were issued the wrong permit, the same permit they issued other artists who sold their art. The they were discriminated against for being homeless, and the Cambridge Arts council was annoyed that cops kept calling them about their permit. All of this, is readily available on their pages. But you pick and choose stuff that makes them look bad. Shame on you.

    • Frank Rizzo
      September 7, 2018 at 6:59 pm

      Hey Peter, you are a stupid fucking cunt. Get a grip. Like Finn sez, get FUCKED. FRANK RIZZO!!!!

    • Soon to be peter-less "IT"
      September 7, 2018 at 7:21 pm

      Hi Peter

      I am a male, well no I’m not, i was born with a penis and testicles. I classify myself as “it”. I wear a charm around my neck that says please call me “IT”. Im responding because I’m wondering if you can give me some advice…I want a vagina and to have big breasts! Im gonna cut my cock off and use a blow torch to coderize the wound. Do you think this is an effective manner? Id like to think I could be the role model for all trannies with cocks who don’t want all the unnecessary expenses. Do you think Gareth and Blake and Justin and Newton and Blake will donate to mygofundme? I need to buy a blow torch. Thanks

    • TJB
      TJB
      September 7, 2018 at 9:39 pm

      Hi Peter. You sound like you have a big heart. Why not let Mr. & Mrs. FUPA set up a tent and live at your house. They will also need porta pottys and 24/7 transportation to get their checks, and fleabag pets to the vet. Here’s to your hope and change.

    • Captain Trips
      Captain Trips
      September 8, 2018 at 12:31 pm

      BEGIN********NOTE:
      “The prior post from Peter above was transmitted from a Tent on the Greenfield Common”

      END********** NOTE

  • Someone who knows the truth about the author
    September 7, 2018 at 5:16 pm

    Seems like you have way too much time on your hands if you constantly write about these people. Dude, stop obsessing. It’s fucking creepy. Especially since you were the kind of homeless person who was constantly drunk and pissing yourself in public

    • Pickle puffing queen.
      September 7, 2018 at 6:55 pm

      With the blatant lack of any “reporters” name, how is it that YOU, person who knows the author, knows who the author is? Am I missing something, did I not see the line in the article with the authors name? Good on you Justin and Blake, for writing your own reply/comment, thinking that nobody will know it’s you. Alex is a wonderful hard working man, who’s PAST, is just that. As opposed to your current, which NEVER changes, it’s the same as your past. Grow the F up, stop blaming EVERYONE ELSE for your issues, become functioning, productive adult members of society, and suck it up buttercup. Jeebus H Fricken Christ.

    • Pickle puffing queen.
      September 7, 2018 at 6:57 pm

      With the blatant lack of any “reporters” name, how is it that YOU, person who knows the author, knows who the author is? Am I missing something, did I not see the line in the article with the authors name? Good on you Justin and Blake, for writing your own reply/comment, thinking that nobody will know it’s you. Alex is a wonderful hard working man, who’s PAST, is just that. As opposed to your current, which NEVER changes, it’s the same as your past. Grow the F up, stop blaming EVERYONE ELSE for your issues, become functioning, productive adult members of society, and suck it up buttercup. Jeebus H Fricken Christ.

  • Sick of it!
    September 7, 2018 at 3:24 pm

    Stop giving these assholes any taxpayer assistance. Then they would either have to leave or start contributing to society.

  • Biff Drinkmore
    September 7, 2018 at 3:23 pm

    Michael Moore has really let himself go to shit.

  • Don't Be A Lickspittle
    September 7, 2018 at 3:07 pm

    Each town or city in the NotSoCommonwealth should post signs on their major entryways listing the current approved active pronoun choices.

  • Y
    September 7, 2018 at 3:00 pm

    How do you not post that fat cunt’s newest profile picture (s/he’s got a beard now!!)?!?!?!
    WTF, the People’s Republic of Cambridge is an absolute embarrassment!!!

  • Not your concern
    September 7, 2018 at 2:57 pm

    Alexander De Luca you are obsessed with these people. Stalker much?

  • ncfoothillbilly
    September 7, 2018 at 2:52 pm

    Preferred pronouns? How about you GFY you fat cunt. I prefer adjectives; dont be an adjectivephobe. Friggin’ psychos.

  • crop duster
    September 7, 2018 at 2:50 pm

    “I also have memory issues”….not sure I mentioned this or not…I can’t remember. Hahaha…how bout you stop yapping for 5 minutes and rewind the video on your iphone . he seems to have a good enough memory to list through the 100 ailments her Onyx, Peekaboo, Beth, trex, hensley bambam muellins and everyone else is suffering from.
    Secondly, Germany doesn’t need you, your 100 ailments and 15 pets either…..Cambridge is going to be your best play…stay put.

  • Mad Millennial (I didn’t major in gender studies!)
    September 7, 2018 at 2:32 pm

    Oh come on, these two again? I need a memory enema after seeing their photos and reading about those jumbo size Cadbury eggs…

  • John Q Public
    September 7, 2018 at 2:21 pm

    This is the saddest story I’ve ever heard. Someone please pass me a fucking hanky…

  • Richyrich
    September 7, 2018 at 2:05 pm

    It’s soooo Cambridge

Leave a Reply to Dick DiBona Cancel reply

*

RELATED POSTS
Nostalgic Facebook Commentators Are Really Pissed Off About Snow Days For Kids
Guy Who Tried Hiding In Tree To Flee Cops on I-290 Earns Moron of the Week Award
Auburn Fan Who Refused To Bet On Florida State Loses Chance To Win Free $25,000 Is Giant Moron