The smartest thing you can do when, you’ve been released from jail, for trying to burn down Walmart, is message Desk Girl and threaten to sue.

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The past couple days have been filled with dead bunnies and snoring babysitters. Let’s lighten it up a bit shall we? I hate sending you guys to work grumpy.

Now, I haven’t figured out why Desk Girl hasn’t realized we check all of her correspondence with these ratchets from the inbox. Probably because she doesn’t read the blog. She’s like a lot of you bleeding heart snowflakes out there who always tell me I’m too mean. Pussies.

So, one of the older Turtleboys wrote about Maiya Cruz.

The Fact That The Hoodrat Chick Who Burned Down The Sturbridge Walmart Is From Southbridge Is The Least Surprising News Ever

She was the chick that lit the Sturbridge Wal-Mart on fire and made headlines for it. She’s the one Brett said queefed near the propane tanks and nearly blew the place up?  Remember her? If you’re having a hard time recalling it, that’s because it happened last September. It happened before Deskie and I started here.

Well, Maiya, with the vagina fart flame-thrower, got out of jail today. She decided her first move out of the clink was to find those God damn Turtleboys and threaten a lawsuit.
Can you imagine sitting in jail, your mom is on the other side of the glass, and she’s trying to convey the insults we threw at you?

Maiya sits in her cell, pining for revenge, and she think of all the things you’re going to say to these bloggers that tore her down. 

This was the best she came up with: Now, I was watching Abi try and search for this blog. She thought it was normal one that had just been published. Oh no. Friggan September. You can almost hear the confusion in Abi’s typing. Oh, you want to overshare, Queen Fire Ratch? You have no clue who you just bumped in to.

Also, most people who are suicidal don’t message blogs to talk about it. So much for us treating the crazies in jail!

Okay, so she actually just got out of jail, has been there since September, and thinks that we would know who she is off the top of our heads. Right. That explains her after-jail selfie. She looks like the griddle for Tummypancakes. I guess Bae broke up with her. 

I’ve got to give it to Deskie. She has this uncanny ability to get people to relate with her. You can’t be mean to her because she’s just going to tell you about how mean we are, her latest turd, her vagina getting looked at way too much by a guy who probably isn’t really a doctor, the fucking Pitbulls, and those forms she made up one day and won’t stop sending to people. Wait. Maiya actually wants to be friends with this ginger desk-bound invalid? Are you kidding me? These two are bonding over a message that started with a lawsuit. How is this even happening?

I had to send this to South Shore Turtlemom because she thinks Abi is hysterical. Even I couldn’t believe what was transpiring.

Oh, and here comes the “how I started working here” sob story. Deskie is lying. The actual writers of the blog have zero soul unless you’re a kid or an animal. I’ll fight anyone who disagrees. annnnd there’s the poop and gyno tale. 

Maiya never sent in the form but left with a sense of completion. She had found her resolve with Turtleboy.

At least until she sees this. I kind of can’t wait for the next of the Turtle Shamed to get out of Framingham and message us. It really changed up the day!

Until next time! 

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