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I’d Rather Kill Myself Then Go Back To The Big E Because It Is The Worst Place On Earth And These Pictures Prove It

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Mrs. Turtleboy dragged me down to the Big E a couple years ago and we documented it for the world to see. I promised I’d never go there again and after seeing this post from the Springfield Police Department today, I feel 1,000% validated:


Look at all these morons lined up to go to the worst place on earth:

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Sucks to be them. Let’s look at what we missed this year….

A grown man pretending to be Santa’s mailman:

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Guys doing live infomercials for frying pans:

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Hat salesmen hiding behind a wall of unsold hats

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Freaky mutant vegetables

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Chariot competitions in front of sold out arenas of wild fans

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Fake cows you can milk

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Horse and buggies made of better

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Gigantic pumpkins

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Fried dough

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Fried dough with deep fried Oreo’s

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Fried dough with bacon

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Huge tents full of people trying to sell you shit you don’t want

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Such as “wonder knifes”

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Hot tubs you can put in the trunk of your Prius

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Depressed kangaroos

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Lactating pigs

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Wild animals like dogs

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Eggs hatching into chickens

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Tractors to stare at

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Strange men who showed up to the Big E dressed as a princess

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Cow hats

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Long lines behind fat bastards in Seahawks jerseys

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Huge crowds of people waiting to see…….something that must be important

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Other crowds wandering around like zombies looking for more fried dough to eat

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Guys handing out informational brochures in the State houses

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Syrup for sale in the Maine house

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Vermont meatsticks

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Attendance figures from previous Big E’s

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Some people take the bus in from the middle of nowhere. And they get a little excited when they get closer. Just for the record, the Big E is not in Worcester:

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No word if there’s any mops left over from last year

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The demonstrations are pretty wild and they go pretty fast

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No word if the cow judging contest was back for the 100th anniversary, but we all remember who got 8th place back in the 90’s

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Anyway, the Big E is the worst place on earth. I stand by that. I have no idea why millions of people flock to this place and pay $15 for the right to walk around and have people offer to sell you a bunch of stuff you don’t want. But they do, and it is fantastic people watching. Should we go back next weekend? Could be interesting.

 

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14 Comment(s)
  • Publius
    September 27, 2016 at 10:58 am

    Funny post. But at end of day if you don’t like the Big E you don’t go. same for King King Richards Faire, unless your a kid just an expensive waste of time.

  • dave
    September 26, 2016 at 9:08 pm

    Hell of a lot more interesting people at King Richard’s Fair.

    • FiestyLawyerLady
      September 26, 2016 at 9:20 pm

      That’s crazy. I was gone for the weekend in that area and I waited a long time in traffic to pass by that location. I looked it up since I read the sign and was interested. It actually seems pretty cool lol….. It better be decent, it was pricey in my opinion. Maybe next year.

      • BobnMic
        September 27, 2016 at 12:55 am

        Fuck off asshole. Haven’t you caused enough trouble in here in just this last 5 months? You single-handedly ruined this blog’s comments. All the fun people vanished. Really nice job you fucking loser. Go take a pill you fucking druggie and leave here while we still have something left…

  • Tudor turtle
    September 26, 2016 at 11:01 am

    The kangaroo in the cage says “fuck the big e, go to king Richards faire instead.”

  • LOL
    September 26, 2016 at 10:23 am

    Everyone says its great for people watching. Here’s a tip: go to Wal mart. There’s less traffic and you can see the same flannel shirt wearing burn outs.

    • Wal-Mart Customer Service
      September 26, 2016 at 10:25 am

      Lots of bellies hanging over and tons of plumber crack too.

  • Abby
    September 26, 2016 at 9:30 am

    Come on TB, make your wife happy. Think of all the points youd earn taking her!

  • Rational person
    September 26, 2016 at 8:59 am

    Thank you for reminding me why I stopped going to the Big E. The big yellow slide just isn’t worth it anymore.

  • Skeeter
    September 26, 2016 at 8:51 am

    I always wanted to go there since I was a kid. I finally ended up going back in 2014. I was so disillusioned. Boring as fuck. I couldn’t wait to get out of there. It was way too crowded. I’ll never go again.

    $100 bucks says there was some a-hole trying to get people to sign up for DirecTV. Another $100 says there was another one trying to sell windows.

  • Brendan Rys
    Beej
    September 26, 2016 at 8:07 am

    I love you, TB, but I hate your contempt for the Big E! I’ve been going every year since I was just a little turtle-rider, and look forward to it every year for the food, beer, concerts, shows, and people watching!

  • Bill P.
    September 26, 2016 at 6:48 am

    Went there about 6 years ago. A colossal waste of time, and money. I actually felt sick that I’d gone.

  • Mediocrity
    September 26, 2016 at 6:13 am

    We went Saturday. Left early and no traffic delays (except for accident on Pike). Great parking spot. Leaving was a breeze. Had some amazing food. Other than food, our only purchase was a Swiss flag. It’s fun to people watch, tho.

  • Shackleford
    September 25, 2016 at 11:28 pm

    I love when you review places and events with pictures and one liners, one of my favorite blogs. Makes me feel upper class.

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