It wouldn’t be a Patriots parade without a bunch of drunken hooligans Quincy (probably) ruining the day for children and families everywhere by acting like savages in the streets of Boston. We all remember the South Shore Sausage Queen from a few years back. For some reason these crotch creatures can’t handle their Busch Light and feel the need to ruin a good time for everyone else.

Philadelphia: “We have the most obnoxious, douchtastic fans in the country.”

Boston: “Hold my beer.”

Guarantee 80% of the people in that fight own at least one article of clothing that says “Saturdays are for the boys.”

Let’s go to the tale of the tape.

It begins with some Chad, who likely gets paid by the hour to move stones around at the quarry, hates life, wears sweatpants to church when he goes once a year, aims to one day own a house in Weymouth, and spends most Saturday nights getting drunk on Peach schnapps and crying about his ex-girlfriend, dog walking one of the 15 people in the fight who was wearing a Gronk jersey directly into a car.

He then immediately gets up and runs over to cheap shot some Peabody pork nugget, who of course was shirtless at this point, while his boy who likely still tells people about the two hitter he threw against Andovah in 2013, is sucker punching the pork nugget from behind.

Next thing you know Motel Beckham Jr. shows up as the token minority, and quickly gets a left hand jab to the face.

Then you can see #42, who is desperate to be accepted by the group and wants to prove that he is more more than just being the sober driver every weekend, pushing someone several inches taller from behind, but fails to knock him down.

After that it’s just an orgy of testosterone and blue balls fighting to establish who is King Douchebag of Parade Day 2019. Out of the madness appears Cornbread Flintstone, kicking a guy in the face so hard his shoe falls off, before putting his hood on over his head because he knows the cameras caught him committing a felony.

This is why I hate everyone between the ages of 18 and 25. Because they ruin everything. We can’t even have a parade out here that doesn’t turn into a World Star video because these savages can’t go out in public without causing a scene.

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