Hoodrat Heroes

King Vagrant And Cheesehog Mama Have Spoken – The News Will Find You, The Cops Will Find You, And We’re All Going To Hell, Or Maybe Jail

A couple of days ago, I introduced you to the reigning champion of all internet panhandlers, Constantino Sdrollas and his cheesehog mom, Ellen. They’ve been living in a van (not down by the river), because they were evicted from their section 8 funded home after the matriarch of the family sold it to avoid foreclosure, and apparently the new owners weren’t keen on a couple of entitled, combative professional mooches living in their new purchase. They were offered a grand total of $30,000 to just take their government-funded rental voucher and move the fuck out of there, but for some reason decided to take $10,000 of it, piss it away, and then refuse to allow the homeowners to perform repairs and upgrades to their property. The only thing they had to do to see another twenty grand out of this clusterfuck. Nope, they did the smart thing, and lived on the property rent-free for over a year before the sheriff’s office came knocking on the door to throw them the fuck out, with no plan in place whatsoever. Despite having 13 entire months and other people’s money available to make one.

That’s reasonable.

Well, although King Vagrant was begging for news attention, they’re now quite unhappy with the attention, and they have SEVERAL words for all of us. And you might not like those words, Misters and Misses, because you’re in big trouble. Let me tell you.

First of all, fuck everyone who decided to donate money for some broad’s sick puppy instead of the two full-grown adults who simply had to find a new place to take their government free-rent ticket and $30,000 cash for keys.



Their inability to find a way to survive with ample handouts caused their two cats to be taken by the Humane society where they will apparently now be put down, and that makes these two the victims. Obviously. You are disgusting, random strangers on GoFundMe. Get your priorities straight.

Second of all, shame on you all for not donating your money to support these two full-grown adults.

They’ve never had to work a day in their lives, how dare you expect them to start now. Fuck all you motherfuckers – how dare you.

And furthermore, please let Constantjobless  assure you, you are going to hell. Feel bad for him, or else. We even adjusted the soundtrack to manipulate your emotions.



Did you laugh? We’re all going to burn in hell. Trust and believe that.

Also, fuck you terrible people, even the ones who ponied up money. You’re all scum. Y’all are breaking the law.

You don’t know their lives, you don’t know them at all. Get a job, you said? How dare you. Sure, a kid with Down syndrome may have bagged your groceries yesterday, or a 75-year-old widow may have rung up your gas. Maybe a 64-year-old man delivered your Chinese food while balancing crutches. But you don’t know Constantwhiner and his queef box mom’s disabilities. You’ll never know what it’s like to yell at a doctor for not believing your fake stroke story and letting you treat the emergency room like a free hotel for losers who can’t be bothered to keep their free housing with what minimal effort that entails.

Fuck your tests, if I say it’s a stroke, it’s a stoke!

And lastly, please know that the news stations will find you, the FBI and police will find you, and you are all going to lose your jobs, your houses, and your family’s lives. Because, according to this perpetually unemployed pair of handout leeches, unless you “own a million dollars”, you too could end up live streaming videos of yourself begging for stranger’s cash from your Dodge Caravan Casa, and you’d be lucky to even have that.


Also: fuck all you ugly lesbians and various minorities. You let this woman down by not just sending her cash and keeping your fat ugly traps shut, and she is a saint and a DELIGHT to be around.

But we still owe her reparations anyway.


Fuck you all. And fuck me most of all, because apparently I somehow tried to move them to New Bedford last night.

I certainly did not. Even the apathetic crackmonkies of New Bedford don’t want these two. New Beige is a place for people who know how to cling to the government benefits forever, not for those who just throw them away. They don’t want you there, Ellen. You’re too gross and lazy, even by those standards.


Nevertheless, rest assured that we are all the reason their lives are shit, and we WILL be prosecuted to the full extent of the law, Turtleriders. Be afraid, because these two morons who can’t even figure out how to keep a roof over their heads when money and resources are literally shoveled at them have vowed to do everything in their power to see to it. Look at their incredibly resilience and survival skills so far.


We’re all doomed.


Go ahead, call me cruel. But, listen – I’ve read all 215 pages of their year-long eviction case. I have no sympathy whatsoever for anyone outside of the guy who bought up the property and had the audacity to want to do something with it other than house a salty cunt of an old, entitled Greek lady and her failure-to-launch son. The amount of time, money and headache invested in just getting them the fuck out so he could fix up the property he bought for $625,000 is mind boggling. These two failures only had to shut up, allow the landlord’s contractors to do the work, and they could have taken $30,000 cash and a rental voucher and lazed around anywhere else. Instead, they sat on their fat, worthless asses, bitched, moaned and harassed everyone within a 15 mile radius, and pissed away a lump sum that was more than enough for a deposit on a new place. Why do they deserve anything more? Let me answer that – they don’t. They deserve abject poverty and misery from the front seat of a minivan, because that’s all they are motivated to go get. Get the fuck out of here and off the internet with that “our lives are at risk” shit. They’re not going to die, our government won’t let them. They’ll bitch and moan and cry in their willful helplessness until Mother Government intervenes and sets them up with even more free shit, and that is exactly what is wrong with America today. Right now as I am typing this there are six year old children stitching together some Kapernick-exclusive “fuck the government” Nike Airmax sneakers for  sixteen hours to earn fifty cents a day, because that’s how their family can afford to eat some fucking rice and not literally starve to death. And we’re all heartless assholes for not feeling bad these two wastes of flesh won’t drive down to the local Labor Ready office and sit on an assembly line for six to eight so they can afford a room at the Econo-Lodge?

No thanks, I won’t have any sympathy for that. I’m not really the “wish death on other people” type, and it’s nothing personal per say, but maybe – just maybe, if you can’t even be moved to do the bare minimum that is expected of you to hang on to the handouts you’ve been given your entire life, you deserve to rot to death in the streets.

Actually having your life at risk would be a great motivator to just do what the fuck you need to do to survive, one would think. But not in America today. You’re so special, please let us house you and feed you on everyone else’s dime, because, compassion. God forbid we allow anyone to be motivated to rise above their circumstances and work hard to survive. There’s an office and a Department, or a website for that. Don’t lift a finger.

What entitles you to get something for nothing? The world owes you nothing, and if you feel ashamed for someone pointing that out, good. You should. These are not the principles that America was built on, but they sure as fuck are the principles that are tearing it apart. I hope that if you’re a landlord, you read this shit. These people will trash your property, terrorize your workers, drag you out for as long of a free ride as they can manage, and when they’re done bleeding you dry….they’ll make themselves the victims. Do not rent to them, do not give them a dime. The real world is sink or swim, as it should be, and with all the free time these two morons have, maybe it’s time to learn to fucking swim.

46 Comment(s)
  • skullfuggery
    August 3, 2019 at 4:15 am

    In that last pic mom has that cum hither look that makes me think I would drop tree fiddy to help the cause and get my nuts drained at the same time.
    At least she can’t talk whilst orally harvesting my baby batter.

    You think she ever looks at her son like that?

  • cjd602
    August 2, 2019 at 10:51 pm

    Love it!

  • Broke Down Van
    August 2, 2019 at 5:56 pm

    I hope that after the van breaks down, the mom doesn’t sleep on the street because if she does; a rat will gnaw that mole off.

  • Aonaöe
    August 2, 2019 at 12:30 pm

    “Everyone owes me free shit” “Mistakes teach me nothing” Yeah you’d think that line of thinking would have set them up financially by now? Money and advice will never work with them because they can’t stand the fact that acknowledging charity removes their “excuse” to remain righteously indignant.

  • Ronald O'Clair
    August 2, 2019 at 11:21 am

    Good luck with finding the “people” who “did this” to you so you can sue them. The people commenting here are anonymous, except me because they won’t stand behind their words and act like a man should. All I have to say to you Kosta is for you to seek gainful employment. You are young and apparently healthy, and your Greek so we know you can actually work, most Greek people work hard and make do with what they get.
    Time to grow up a bit if you ask me. You don’t want people making fun of you on Facebook, TurtleBoy Sports? Stop giving them the material to use.
    Get a job, save your money, get an apartment, things will get better one day at a time.

    • Bret
      August 2, 2019 at 1:18 pm

      Only one?
      Get over yourself you hooker manipulating piece of dicklint.

    • The Name Game
      August 2, 2019 at 4:56 pm

      “You don’t want people making fun of you on Facebook, TurtleBoy Sports? Stop giving them the material to use.”
      YES! Very wise words indeed, sadly to fall on deaf ears.
      I’m surprised Constantnaggo hasn’t yet started a GFM. He could call it “$dollar$ for $drolla$.” They seem to want help with no strings attached, no identification, no registering; are we sure they’re full Greek, and not Roma (as in, GYPsies)?
      So, what the hell is with this “reparations” bullshit?” Hey, sweet cheeks, USA and Allies saved your and your neighbors’ sorry asses on WW2, I imagine you’d be more grateful.
      Finally, if you’re going to be in America, identify yourself on FakeBook in English. It’s nice to identify as Geek, I mean, Greek, but you ain’t in Athens anymore.
      Some of us are somewhat reserved. Thank (insert equivalent of Supreme Bing here) that we have Bristol TC to give us, and YOU, the bare, blatant unvarnished TRUTH!
      So sue me, See-You-Next-Time and Connie. Let the boy ‘splain it to you.

  • What now?
    August 2, 2019 at 10:57 am

    OK, now that you’ve gotten me in all this trouble, what now?!?!?! I don’t want to go to jail OR hell, but TB offers ZERO help. Should I Consult a priest? Should I move? How do I break this to my family? Can this guy get my computer’s VIN #? Will this effect my job? Would it help to change my appearance? I cannot afford a lawyer at this time. TB, please follow up with ACTUAL help and/or advise. It’s the LEAST you can do.

  • Stunt Penis
    August 2, 2019 at 10:55 am

    I’d cut my dick off before I stuck it in that.

  • murdochpatsymcreynolds
    August 2, 2019 at 10:46 am

    New Beige é muito mais better then Fall Reeve.

  • Could be worse
    August 2, 2019 at 10:42 am

    I know first hand what it costs to get people out of rent controlled units in NYC. I’ve seen payoffs north of $250k to get a person to formally vacate an EMPTY apartment. Shitbags use the housing laws to extort landlords and monetize other people’s real estate and it’s a very lengthy process to get them evicted even with positive proof of their illegal activities. Even when a tenant dies their family effectively inherits the apartment. There’s an entire cottage industry complete with sham marriages and black market “rental agents” so that everyone except the rightful owner makes money.

  • Mayor of Jamestown
    August 2, 2019 at 9:35 am

    New welfare reform: you don’t work you don’t eat.

  • hartf811
    Dont knock
    August 2, 2019 at 9:23 am

    I feel bad for them but…..
    They obviously have other family that has chosen to kick them to the curb. Why? Probably the dopey son who has been leeching of his low IQ mom for his entire useless life and the other family have decided that taking care of mom should not involve that lamprey. Sonny boy: if you want to protect your mom, it is time to let go and become a man.
    The 3 most important words for any future you might have: Get a job!

  • Save the Cats
    August 2, 2019 at 9:06 am

    the animal rescue league doesn’t euthanize unless the animal is suffering and very sick. I bet they didn’t even have cats and if they did the best thing was having them taken away.

  • Fashionista
    August 2, 2019 at 8:06 am

    The picture of the lady with three sets of glasses looks incomplete without a monocle over her mole.

  • Street rat
    August 2, 2019 at 5:07 am

    I just can’t imagine what that car smells like…..

  • thomas newton
    August 2, 2019 at 2:47 am

    These may be the worst people ever
    ..his latest video is from a motel ranting about how jealous everyone is and repeatedly embarrassing himself over his lack of understanding of anything but mostly the concept that adults are supposed to work to provide for themselves and people don’t like to throw money at lazy entitled adults. It’s disgusting that our state encourages these maggots who will never do anything but absorb tax dollars that could be allocated elsewhere. I wonder if mummy still changes his diaper before they spoon for the night. Nobody is threatening or harassing them and they sure as hell won’t kill themselves the state is not that lucky n they’ll be taking advantage of resources for the rest of their useless lives

  • Treasury Department
    August 2, 2019 at 2:42 am

    I’m just so incredibly sorry I ran out of donation funds already this quarter.
    Let’s see…I’m paying about 500 a month for insulin that insurance fucks me over on.
    I stupidly helped three people out that I knew were in deeper shit than I (real people, not internet sob stories to the tune of 400 over three months)
    Then my grandkids got displaced by their deadbeat dad in another state. YEAH I willingly dropped 500 on them.
    So if everyone on Turtleboy doesn’t start sending me money, I’m calling FOX NEWS, CNN, BBC, Josh Abrams, ANTIFA and The ASPCA, ya big bullies.
    Send money or food.
    My 2006 Corolla is small for two old fat people and a cat.
    I’d send Zorba and his mom cash, but I’ve blown my allowance this month.
    Sorry, I got ya down for next month.

    • dowen0895
      Dick Scratcher
      August 2, 2019 at 5:37 am


      Hahahahahaha! You bastard!

      Just laughed out loud and blew tea out of my nose and now everyone at work is wondering what I’m reading.

      Superb, sir!

      • Big Wick
        August 2, 2019 at 5:10 pm

        Bristol’s brutal truth could almost be deemed NSFW! Careful with that tea, Dick. You need to be healthy to compose a limerick in honor of Zorba and his Mole-Mom.

  • Jeff J
    Really Now
    August 2, 2019 at 1:54 am

    I just watched the 9 minute abortion video of junior threatening everyone. I laughed so fucking hard I started to cramp up. How “he’s done with social media or done with Facebook, for real. I don’t even care anymore. Well, maybe till tomorrow. We’ll see, tomorrow’s a different day.” Funny stuff.

    • PleaseStopBreathingMyAirConnieBoy
      August 2, 2019 at 8:26 pm

      OMG I died also with that “I’m done with facebook but I’m actually going to bitch and moan for eight more minutes”

  • Lip
    August 2, 2019 at 12:48 am

    You hit the nail right on the head with this article. It’s truly unbelievable that people listen to this kids story and have sympathy and send them hard earned money from working a JOB!!!! I bet he’ll play the suicide card eventually. I don’t know how much more desperate this kid can get, but he’ll use any guilt trip he’ll find to get easy money from sob stories. Boston has too many resources to be in he’s situation. Try the Pine Street Inn for you and your Mother Bro!!

  • Jeff J
    August 2, 2019 at 12:47 am

    If I could stop laughing long enough to donate, I’d consider it but probably not.
    These two poor fucks!! I do feel a little bad. Only because mom’s almost retirement age and probably hasn’t worked a day in her life so she’s useless. However, junior there is more than capable. Like someone said, he’s in shock and his millennial ass can’t handle it. Welp……time to buck up sonny cuz those whiny, borderline teary-eyed vids ain’t getting it done.

  • GetAJob
    August 1, 2019 at 11:19 pm

    It infuriates me that he keeps saying how people did this to them!!! No1 did anything to them they did it to themselves. They had more of a chance than most. They got 10 grand to move. Absolutely absurd. We are making the system worse and we are why the country is the way it is!?!?!?! Hahaha o pls. Useless drains on society. She is a terrible parent who raised her son to depend on the state. I receive some government assistance but I’m a single mother who works 2 jobs and receives no child support from my kids father or cash benefits through SNAP. They arent getting any sympathy from me.

    • GetAJob
      August 1, 2019 at 11:28 pm

      They cant afford food yet miraculously have money to smoke. I love how he says once he can chill and get comfortable when this bad time passes hes gonna make sure this story gets out to the world. Buddy how bout instead of chilling and getting comfortable you get a God damn job put some money away pay your bills and get your shit together in order to avoid this type of shit show from occurring in the future dumb ass

      • Smoking when your homeless is easy
        August 3, 2019 at 9:23 am

        I’ve seen homeless people asking people for the ashtray in their cars that have cigarette butts, they take em out of ashtrays at grocery stores or any where else they can find any. Then they take out what is left of the butt and then roll their own. You can see him rolling something in one of the videos. Could have been a joint, was most likely a smoke.

        • GetAJob
          August 5, 2019 at 7:43 pm

          That is absolutely disgusting. Have these people heard of friggin herpes and a million other diseases they can catch smoking someone else’s dirty old discarded cigarette??

  • Rudy Hess
    August 1, 2019 at 10:52 pm

    Lazy people should be euthanized

  • Writers Block
    August 1, 2019 at 10:38 pm

    Bristol TC,
    I love your writing style.
    Best Regards,
    English Comp Teacher

  • Shakespeare
    August 1, 2019 at 10:33 pm

    “The real world is sink or swim, as it should be, and with all the free time these two morons have, maybe it’s time to learn to fucking swim.” Pure poetry.

    • dowen0895
      Dick Scratcher
      August 2, 2019 at 10:16 am

      Poetry, you say?

  • Y
    August 1, 2019 at 10:31 pm

    Saoirse Kennedy Hill, the granddaughter of Robert F Kennedy.

    Police were called to the Kennedy compound Thursday afternoon around 2:30 PM, reported WCVB.

    The Kennedy compound has several homes on 6 acres of property on Cape Cod just above Nantucket.

    The Boston Herald reported:

    The Hyannis Fire Department confirmed paramedics responded to 28 Marchant Ave., one of the Kennedy compound homes on the 6-acre property, at 2:32 p.m. Thursday.

    Tara Miltimore, assistant district attorney for Cape and Islands DA Michael O’Keefe, confirmed the death, but would not elaborate.

    “Earlier this afternoon Barnstable Police responded to a residence on Marchant Avenue in Hyannisport for a reported unattended death,” Miltimore said in a statement. “The matter remains under investigation by Barnstable Police and State Police detectives assigned to the District Attorney’s Office.”

    The Marchant Avenue house is worth an estimated $3.6 million, according to online real estate records. The white clapboard home, records state, has 14 rooms and was built around 1924.

    The compound is made up of three Cape Cod-style white frame clapboard homes on Irving and Marchant avenues in Hyannisport that have changed little since they leapt into the public consciousness in 1960 as the “Kennedy Compound.”

    Thursday’s death at the Kennedy compound was eerily close to the 50-year anniversary of the death of Mary Jo Kopechne who was killed after Ted Kennedy drove a car off a bridge in nearby Chappaquiddick on July 19, 1969.

    Ted Kennedy didn’t tell anyone he drove his car off of the bridge into the Poucha Pond until the day after the late-night accident, resulting in Mary Jo Kopechne’s death.

    • Y
      August 1, 2019 at 10:35 pm

      Just last night, CNN’s Tom Perez was gloating over his old boss, Ted Kennedy.
      Also last night – Joe Biden, Eric Holder, etc. were telling us to not listen to negative reports of Barack Obama.
      No coincidences, folks.

  • Nero
    August 1, 2019 at 10:26 pm

    I want to dress as an alien* and perform experiments** on his ass.

    *the outer space kind
    **yes, sexual in nature

  • z
    August 1, 2019 at 10:18 pm

    He doesn’t sound stupid and I doubt he is. He’s in shock the system didn’t kiss his ass and he is in shock that people aren’t afraid to tell him that he and his mom are grifters.

    Bag fucking groceries somewhere. Work for Babu at the local convenience store. Roll junkies in alleys. Stand in front of Home Depot in the morning with the rest of the down and outers hoping to be picked up for a day of landscaping and being paid under the table.

  • You've been warned, bad tenants.
    August 1, 2019 at 10:16 pm

    Ha ha ha! That was my warning he screen shotted and cared about that comment because THEY WILL DO IT AGAIN! The thought if getting turned down cold before even filling out the app has him shook. Should have thought about it before you guys threw away your benefits like idiots. People waite for years for that you took it for granted. Btw every other greek I ever met were super hard working ,clean house keeping ,small family business geniuses. Where do you 2 come from. You are embarrassing their good community and for that don’t try showing up to the next goat roast. You’ve been down graded to Italian, keep it up you’ll be spanish.

    • Regis Philbin
      August 2, 2019 at 6:04 am

      “You’ve been down graded to Italian, keep it up you’ll be Spanish”

      Please, Please, Go fuck yourself! It is refreshing however to actually see a “real” racist in action.

      • Swing and a miss
        August 2, 2019 at 9:09 pm

        I said that to piss off constantino because i grew up with a ton of greeks and they do think they’re better than italians. Ask them. As for me i’m married to an italian for over a decade. Before that i was married to a Kenyan immigrant. I live in brockton and my brother is half black. So not so much.

        • Regis you can p c your way out
          August 2, 2019 at 11:02 pm

          “Everything is racist” claims will be the death of comedy. Also regis philbin the entertainer has a serverely diasabled wheel chair bound son he abanded his whole life. You can google that or just keep using that deadbeats name if that doesn’t offend your pc sensibilities.

    • Lol
      August 3, 2019 at 4:05 am

      Just crank the dial all the way down to Portuguese.

  • Amazed and Amused
    August 1, 2019 at 10:06 pm

    How is it they can afford to have phones (both of them) and she’s ripping butts at $10 a pack? His account is overdrawn by $4?? Maybe take that $10 for the next deck of smokes, put some gas in that fuckin thing, head to New Beige, get a job and your shit out of storage? Nahhh, can’t do that huh? Y’all.

    • Crystal Laviolette
      Constantino Bungholio
      August 1, 2019 at 11:37 pm

      First of the month my friend. They shoulda both gotten their checks today, but they can blow thru that money because other people should hand them their hard earned money. They are entitled to it, they are the victims here. Oh, and they are done with Social media, he’s just gonna post videos now every two hours. And read every comment. Ever.

    • Obama
      August 3, 2019 at 9:35 am

      Assurance wireless and safelink. Two free government phones. Then they go somewhere WiFi is free and use the internet.

  • Pat
    August 1, 2019 at 9:57 pm

    Constantino, you grew up in West Roxbury… stop acting like a wig bomb — you say “y’all” three times in every sentence. After McDonalds tomorrow morning, drop ma off at Mclean’s, then get an empty coffee cup, find a nice strip, and start panhandling. The internet begging has come to an end.

  • Jack Wadd
    August 1, 2019 at 9:56 pm

    Sell mom’s ass…sell your sperm. Hell, sell your ass boy. This Jabba the Cunt and her pet, Salicious Bumb are a horror show on (Dodge Caravan) wheels. Darwin, do ‘yo thing. Please, thank you, and Amen.

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