A couple of days ago, I introduced you to the reigning champion of all internet panhandlers, Constantino Sdrollas and his cheesehog mom, Ellen. They’ve been living in a van (not down by the river), because they were evicted from their section 8 funded home after the matriarch of the family sold it to avoid foreclosure, and apparently the new owners weren’t keen on a couple of entitled, combative professional mooches living in their new purchase. They were offered a grand total of $30,000 to just take their government-funded rental voucher and move the fuck out of there, but for some reason decided to take $10,000 of it, piss it away, and then refuse to allow the homeowners to perform repairs and upgrades to their property. The only thing they had to do to see another twenty grand out of this clusterfuck. Nope, they did the smart thing, and lived on the property rent-free for over a year before the sheriff’s office came knocking on the door to throw them the fuck out, with no plan in place whatsoever. Despite having 13 entire months and other people’s money available to make one.
Well, although King Vagrant was begging for news attention, they’re now quite unhappy with the attention, and they have SEVERAL words for all of us. And you might not like those words, Misters and Misses, because you’re in big trouble. Let me tell you.
First of all, fuck everyone who decided to donate money for some broad’s sick puppy instead of the two full-grown adults who simply had to find a new place to take their government free-rent ticket and $30,000 cash for keys.
Their inability to find a way to survive with ample handouts caused their two cats to be taken by the Humane society where they will apparently now be put down, and that makes these two the victims. Obviously. You are disgusting, random strangers on GoFundMe. Get your priorities straight.
Second of all, shame on you all for not donating your money to support these two full-grown adults.
They’ve never had to work a day in their lives, how dare you expect them to start now. Fuck all you motherfuckers – how dare you.
And furthermore, please let Constantjobless assure you, you are going to hell. Feel bad for him, or else. We even adjusted the soundtrack to manipulate your emotions.
Did you laugh? We’re all going to burn in hell. Trust and believe that.
Also, fuck you terrible people, even the ones who ponied up money. You’re all scum. Y’all are breaking the law.
You don’t know their lives, you don’t know them at all. Get a job, you said? How dare you. Sure, a kid with Down syndrome may have bagged your groceries yesterday, or a 75-year-old widow may have rung up your gas. Maybe a 64-year-old man delivered your Chinese food while balancing crutches. But you don’t know Constantwhiner and his queef box mom’s disabilities. You’ll never know what it’s like to yell at a doctor for not believing your fake stroke story and letting you treat the emergency room like a free hotel for losers who can’t be bothered to keep their free housing with what minimal effort that entails.
And lastly, please know that the news stations will find you, the FBI and police will find you, and you are all going to lose your jobs, your houses, and your family’s lives. Because, according to this perpetually unemployed pair of handout leeches, unless you “own a million dollars”, you too could end up live streaming videos of yourself begging for stranger’s cash from your Dodge Caravan Casa, and you’d be lucky to even have that.
Also: fuck all you ugly lesbians and various minorities. You let this woman down by not just sending her cash and keeping your fat ugly traps shut, and she is a saint and a DELIGHT to be around.
But we still owe her reparations anyway.
Fuck you all. And fuck me most of all, because apparently I somehow tried to move them to New Bedford last night.
I certainly did not. Even the apathetic crackmonkies of New Bedford don’t want these two. New Beige is a place for people who know how to cling to the government benefits forever, not for those who just throw them away. They don’t want you there, Ellen. You’re too gross and lazy, even by those standards.
Nevertheless, rest assured that we are all the reason their lives are shit, and we WILL be prosecuted to the full extent of the law, Turtleriders. Be afraid, because these two morons who can’t even figure out how to keep a roof over their heads when money and resources are literally shoveled at them have vowed to do everything in their power to see to it. Look at their incredibly resilience and survival skills so far.
We’re all doomed.
Go ahead, call me cruel. But, listen – I’ve read all 215 pages of their year-long eviction case. I have no sympathy whatsoever for anyone outside of the guy who bought up the property and had the audacity to want to do something with it other than house a salty cunt of an old, entitled Greek lady and her failure-to-launch son. The amount of time, money and headache invested in just getting them the fuck out so he could fix up the property he bought for $625,000 is mind boggling. These two failures only had to shut up, allow the landlord’s contractors to do the work, and they could have taken $30,000 cash and a rental voucher and lazed around anywhere else. Instead, they sat on their fat, worthless asses, bitched, moaned and harassed everyone within a 15 mile radius, and pissed away a lump sum that was more than enough for a deposit on a new place. Why do they deserve anything more? Let me answer that – they don’t. They deserve abject poverty and misery from the front seat of a minivan, because that’s all they are motivated to go get. Get the fuck out of here and off the internet with that “our lives are at risk” shit. They’re not going to die, our government won’t let them. They’ll bitch and moan and cry in their willful helplessness until Mother Government intervenes and sets them up with even more free shit, and that is exactly what is wrong with America today. Right now as I am typing this there are six year old children stitching together some Kapernick-exclusive “fuck the government” Nike Airmax sneakers for sixteen hours to earn fifty cents a day, because that’s how their family can afford to eat some fucking rice and not literally starve to death. And we’re all heartless assholes for not feeling bad these two wastes of flesh won’t drive down to the local Labor Ready office and sit on an assembly line for six to eight so they can afford a room at the Econo-Lodge?
No thanks, I won’t have any sympathy for that. I’m not really the “wish death on other people” type, and it’s nothing personal per say, but maybe – just maybe, if you can’t even be moved to do the bare minimum that is expected of you to hang on to the handouts you’ve been given your entire life, you deserve to rot to death in the streets.
Actually having your life at risk would be a great motivator to just do what the fuck you need to do to survive, one would think. But not in America today. You’re so special, please let us house you and feed you on everyone else’s dime, because, compassion. God forbid we allow anyone to be motivated to rise above their circumstances and work hard to survive. There’s an office and a Department, or a website for that. Don’t lift a finger.
What entitles you to get something for nothing? The world owes you nothing, and if you feel ashamed for someone pointing that out, good. You should. These are not the principles that America was built on, but they sure as fuck are the principles that are tearing it apart. I hope that if you’re a landlord, you read this shit. These people will trash your property, terrorize your workers, drag you out for as long of a free ride as they can manage, and when they’re done bleeding you dry….they’ll make themselves the victims. Do not rent to them, do not give them a dime. The real world is sink or swim, as it should be, and with all the free time these two morons have, maybe it’s time to learn to fucking swim.