King Vagrant Threatens To Off Himself To End Turtleboy, Vows Lawsuit, Cheesehog Mom Is Sharing Memes She Finds On The Internet And Calling Them “Hate Crimes”

Dear Lord, these people are the gifts that just keep on giving. I want to feel bad for, maybe? But Lord have mercy – they just won’t stop. First they spammed as many town pages and groups as they could get on with their whiny, begging internet panhandling. Then they vowed to put us all in jail and damn us straight to the fiery pits of hell for pointing out how fucking pathetic what they’re doing is. Don’t worry, we’re all still definitely getting life sentences in prison.

But now, the game has been upped, my friends. King Vagrant has a new plan, and this one is totally #failproof.


That’s right. He wants to #suicideattack Turtleboy and take us out for good. And oh boy, when he does – anyone that every so much as snickered or chuckled at them is going #down.


Let me just say, that’s a pretty dumb plan. Particularly because if you want a “class action lawsuit”…


You kinda need to be alive to file it. Just sayin’. Listen, Costantliar, we don’t want you to harm yourself, please. We want you to just get a job and maybe the fuck off of Facebook. Costa, if you’re really feeling like you’re going to harm yourself, go to your nearest ER, police station or fire station and get some help, for fuck’s sake. Then really, go get a job. You’ll feel better about yourself that way.


Anyway, don’t worry guys. He’s fine. His mom said so.


And he’s since changed his name on Facebook, but not the pity party game. He seems in a much better mood now that he’s used his superior brain power to concoct a new easy money scheme for himself and his heffalump of a mother – a YUGE lawsuit against Turtleboy!


Good luck with that one, buddy. We all saw how well you handled the court case when you decided you were going to squat on someone’s property rent-free for a year. Can I suggest employment again, please? Or, you can keep subscribing to the “all publicity is good” mantra –


But I assure you, it’s not. The sympathy cash racket is over, buddy. Go apply at 7-11 and move on with your pathetic life already.

His mother is also all up on arms about this, because of course she is. And she’s definitely accepted her loser son’s invitation to the pity party.


No one is threatening you idiots, and no one is going to harm you. The reason you were kicked out of the ER is because it’s an emergency room, for emergencies. Not a 24 hour vagrant shelter. Fuck’s sake, lady. Just get your ass to a shelter already. No one is going to feel bad for you if you don’t do something for yourself for once in your pathetic life.

Also, please learn how the internet works. You look stupid when you say shit like this in public.


  1. I’m not a guy, so no, you clearly have not seen my face. I have lady parts. Natural born.
  2. No one hacked you to get that video, your stupid son posted it publicly to Facebook. He did that for who knows why, thus publicly exposing you for the terrible lunatic you are.
  3. Your appeal is DOA, because when you squat on a property for over a year and then break your court agreement to let the landlord’s contractors just do their job, there is no defense, legal or otherwise. Free ride is over, sweetcheeks. Move on.

She also has been sharing internet memes pretending they are “harassment” and “hate crimes.”


Either mom is so stupid and paranoid she honestly thinks UNILAD Gaming and Steam Gamers Club are targeting her useless son, or she thinks the rest of the internet is so stupid they’ll miss the part at the bottom where it shows where she shared these stupid memes from. I’m leaning towards the latter, but either way, nobody’s going to donate any more money for this, you stupid cow. Take it up with the gamers.

I do truly hope that this guy doesn’t harm himself, not for our sake. We have literally nothing to do with what this terrible grifter does with his terrible life. I don’t want him to hurt himself because I am (sort of) a human being with some empathy. Sort of.

Listen, King Vagrant. Let’s be straight. Yeah, your situation sucks. Living in a car with no money is terrible. No one is disputing that. However, this is one front-seat bed you both made for yourselves, and whining incessantly to the internet as you lie in isn’t going to change a thing.   I would offer up my most sincere advice in saying, though, that the only way up and out is to take some initiative and help yourself, because the world owes you exactly nothing. Posting dumb shit on the internet will earn you nothing but ridicule, I think at this point that is abundantly clear. And although I have enjoyed watching this dumpsterfire burn from the front seat of a minivan bought with cash these two losers got for nothing and promptly squandered, regrettably, I’m going to have to close the chapter on this one and move on as well. Otherwise we’ll be stuck in an endless loop of King Vagrant and Homeless Heffalump updates, and I don’t think anything much is going to change on that front. Not today, tomorrow, or in a year. Good luck with all that, you shabby grifters. Let me know if you ever get a job, and I’ll happily hand out some ratchet redemption. In the meantime, adios, au revoir, so long, and thanks for the last few days of my endless amusement at your own expense.

29 Comment(s)
  • God's Love
    August 4, 2019 at 2:18 pm

    Maybe they just need God’s love to show them the way to salvation.

  • No Sympathy
    August 4, 2019 at 12:44 pm

    Bristol…. I absolutely fucking LOVE YOU! That’s all.

  • Silencio Dogood
    August 4, 2019 at 3:09 am

    “I have lady parts. Natural born…”
    If you need someone to confirm this, you have my email.

  • Lipstickhippie
    Sick fuck
    August 3, 2019 at 11:49 pm

    I wonder if mom lets sonny boy suckle her mole.

  • george costanza
    King Leonidas
    August 3, 2019 at 9:59 pm

    christ! the 300 and I died for this? shit, I should”ve kneeled for Xerxes

    • Rich Redmond
      August 7, 2019 at 9:37 am

      You’re a fag anyway Leo.

  • Real_Finn
    August 3, 2019 at 9:29 pm

    Constipated (spelling stays),
    It’s “up the road” – not “across the street”.
    Get Fucked,

    • george costanza
      The angry taint
      August 3, 2019 at 10:00 pm

      welcome back muffin we missed you!

      • Real_Finn
        August 3, 2019 at 10:45 pm

        Way too many nudniks to stays away.
        🙂 Happy to be back.

  • Shaylin
    August 3, 2019 at 7:55 pm

    So I had to add the kid on fb and see how funny posts which I did… I also offered advice and everything I said he had an excuse as in why he couldn’t be a normal human… Clearly they both just want their hands out and to wait for something to fall into them…I only feel bad for whoever helped them! Free loaders is all they’re.
    The worst part is someone out there is going to help them and regret it when they’re stuck with them. GET MENTAL HEALTH IF YOU’RE SO SICK as she would say about her son. It must suck to know you’ll never be a man.

  • George the Dirty Puppet
    August 3, 2019 at 6:48 pm

    I’ll stab ya in the cock with a Gyro fork!

  • The Name Game
    August 3, 2019 at 1:00 pm

    No, Bristol, NO! Please don’t stop, we WANT periodic updates on Constantinydick and Ma SmEllen! I do understand that “the gift that keeps on giving” is often counterbalanced by “too much of a good thing.” Don’t give up on us, and them, too soon. I sense there’ll be more drama real soon.
    And, Constantcommenting-fuckup, GET A KOB, stop whining, and, as I suggested previously, start yourself a GoFundMe, call it “$dollar$ for $drolla$” and maybe some poor unsuspecting schmucks will help you out.
    BTW, Connie, Turtle Riders have been relatively subdued in their comments, you should feel lucky. Ask Rian Waters and Kathryn Narcisi.

    • The Name Game
      August 3, 2019 at 1:04 pm

      Good God, I meant “GET A JOB!” Fat fingers! Although a kob, er, COB, might be a good gift for your mama Broom Hilda.

  • Bret
    August 3, 2019 at 7:44 am

    at this point I think the fat ugly wombat of a mother fingerfucked her fruitbat loser son, and they both take foreign objects in the fartbox.
    And Contant-disappointment is the biggest loser since CryinRyin, and should seriously consider going swimming with a cinderblock. Fuckin shitdicked pussy

  • My big fat Greek incestual encounter.
    August 3, 2019 at 5:05 am

    Do you think that in a moment of weakness, mutual consolation and mental vulnerability that mother and son might have…coupled?
    The thought of it would be difficult to fap to.

  • skullfuggery
    August 3, 2019 at 4:31 am

    Ok, now I’m starting to feel bad for her.
    I’ll up the donation to $4 as long as she swallows and promises not to talk at any point during the transaction.
    And no, the son cannot watch. This is about getting my nuts milked, not turning it into a teaching moment. He’ll have to learn to trick on his own.

  • Constantions Ma Thinkin
    August 2, 2019 at 6:54 pm

    HELP ME!!! My good for nothing lazy piece of shit son has kidnapped me and he’s holding me hostage unless hard working taxpayers or the Government gives him free stuff Pleeeease I’m begging you….

  • Frank Rizzo
    August 2, 2019 at 6:53 pm

    If this kid offs himself, I’ll give mom a double sawbuck for a bj. luv, frank

  • Modern Greek Tragedy
    August 2, 2019 at 6:36 pm

    Constantino I’m not sure if your mom could go on without you.
    You two are the modern day Romeo and Juliet and it’s heartwarming for the rest of us.
    What you should probably do is run a garden hose from your tailpipe to the cab of your car tonight, close the windows and sleep deeply.

  • Anthony genest
    August 2, 2019 at 6:27 pm

    I’m all with the idea of contributing to society but then again I’m kind of with the idea of fuck society
    honestly I would love to see people like this actually say all right enough of this this is dumb I’m really going to get a job you know what he actually might be good at something mechanic or a fluffer or whatever.

  • Sympathetic Softy
    August 2, 2019 at 6:17 pm

    This kid doesn’t have the balls to off himself.
    He just doesn’t get it, he’s a burden to society that will not be missed.
    To make him feel better if he actually does off himself I’ll give his poor mom $25 for grieving money.

  • lisa flood
    August 2, 2019 at 6:12 pm

    As I want to blame someone for their misfortune, like the government for making it so easy for lazy people who have DONE NOTHING TO CONTRIBUTE TO SOCIETY , I have to blame these people personally . They had way to many roads smoothed for them , too many freebies that they never said thankyou 2 taxpayers who actually fucking work . No matter what people say nothing is free!!! Someone always pays and it’s always the taxpayer that works hard. Raise the minimum wage everyone said so they raised it and now what they’re bitching about the food cost where did you think the money was going to come from? Get a job , learn a trade, go to school get away from your f****** mother. In words become a man. Because between you and I you’re never going to get a woman living in a f****** Corolla with your mother

    • Rich Redmond
      August 7, 2019 at 9:39 am

      You know Lisa, you suck BBC in hell. You worthless cunt.

  • Mismanagement
    August 2, 2019 at 5:04 pm

    Mother talks about disabled son. Which one, or are both collecting disability? I’m going to guess at least one of them. Free medical care, food stamps, etc….Only their own fault they can’t manage their handout money.

  • z
    August 2, 2019 at 5:01 pm

    Will the suicide be live streamed? He’s videoing everything else.

  • What Now
    August 2, 2019 at 4:27 pm

    I think they both have mental health problems. I would leave them alone. Bad karma.

  • Sick of these Ratchet Fucks
    August 2, 2019 at 3:55 pm

    Mom would he “Shitting in tall cotton” if he offs himself! Why? Because she will have the whole Corolla to herself! Then the living will be easy, no whining kid to console. And yes, they keep on giving….

  • Daniel Sullivan
    Sprinkle Pig
    August 2, 2019 at 3:36 pm

    I’m only commenting in the hopes I’ll be dragged into court for slander or libel I always get confused on which one it is. Lol. Either way I’d love to get a summons to court for this just to see the face of the attorney that would take this case lol.

    • Dodi Strawn
      August 24, 2019 at 2:43 pm

      This is so sad. When you become a man, King Vagrant; you will understand why you are a perfect target. Get it together. BTW; NO GOOD WOULD COME FROM YOU HARMING YOURSELF!!!

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