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So this past weekend in Stone Mountain, Georgia there was apparently a rally of Georgia’s finest who were defending their right to fly the flag of an imaginary country of traitor’s who died defending rich people’s right to own slaves. It was a magnificent slice of Americana, and it was capped off by a brilliant Georgian who didn’t realize what the FUBU shoes he was wearing stood for:

Wait a minute, wait a minute. You’re telling me that it’s 2015 and people are still wearing FUBU? That’s still a thing? I haven’t seen these since elementary school. These things are like 1991 Astrovans – they’ve been handed down the food chain so many times that only the finest derelicts in society now possess them. They don’t make FUBU shoes anymore, but this guy is EXACTLY who I would imagine would be wearing them in 2015.

I’ve never seen people who better represent that flag. They do indeed have every right to wave it all they want. But we also have the right to laugh at them. Because ultimately they are here for our amusement. I think my favorite part about it is that the guy doesn’t know how to tie his own shoes.

Amazing sock swag though.

Guess who didn’t fight and die for the flag? Wealthy plantation owners. They could buy their way out of it. Guess who did die for the that flag? Toothless wonders like this genius who would NEVER EVER be wealthy enough to own land, let alone own slaves. That’s the genius of Jefferson Davis. He realized he could get millions of idiots to protect his private property by appealing to the lowest common denominator.

If this rocket scientist and his ilk focused more on their dental hygiene and less on their pride in a losing war, they might not stick out like sore thumb. But instead they’re stuck with their “traditions,” which by the looks of it includes a flag, illiteracy, and diabetes.

Anyway, in the video the guy holding the camera asks him if he’s here as a Ku Klux Klan member, to which he responds, “I’m not here as a Klansmen.”

Oh OK. So you’re just a Klansmen going to a confederate flag rally, but you’re not on company time. Got it. Thanks for clearing that up. We’ll just ignore the fact that you have KKK emblems on your hat, chain, and tattoo.

And this guy’s complete misunderstanding of what FUBU stands for was fantastic irony. For us, by us. It’s supposed to be about black empowerment. Obviously white folks are free to buy all the FUBU crap they want. But if this guy had any idea the shoes that he got for $4 at the Salvation Army were made by a black man, he almost definitely would’ve gone for the $6 Fila’s or the $7 Reebok Pumps instead.

“It doesn’t matter who, who, what, or why, I don’t care what it’s by!! Them shoes that you wore were designed by a white man back in 1920. Does that make you stop wearing them??!!”

Boom. Roasted. His logic is rock solid, but I’m pretty sure whatever shoe the camera man is wearing was designed by an 8 year old Filipino boy.

Then there was the completely non-racist exchange at the end:

“You know, I don’t hate you. I hate not you. I hate what your people are doing to this country.”

“My people?”

“Are you not black? Are not 90% of the murders committed in this country by black people?”

I hate not you? Goddamn, someone’s been reading their Shakespeare!!! I wish I knew this rally was going on because I would’ve been on the first plane to Georgia. Would’ve been an epic blog talking to some of these people. Instead we just have to sit back and admire their amazing choice of apparel. Like this woman’s fantastic cape:

“You can kiss my rebel ass.” LOL. Thanks but no thanks. I love how these people all call themselves rebels too. It’s like, what are you rebelling against? Personal hygiene and common sense?

Then there was this kid:

He’s wearing an “I thought this was America” t-shirt, while also rocking a handkerchief that represents an imaginary country that existed for the sole purpose of leaving America. Glorious.

Then there’s the girl in the background with the blue tank top:

In Georgia, that’s what Daddy’s refer to as “child support bait.”

Now I understand that you have the right to be a complete ignoramous in this country, but what about the poor dog?

Just because you’re obsessed with a bunch of losers who surrendered because America shoved it’s boot up their ass, doesn’t mean you have to make the dog play along. That’s just mean.

And how amazing was this guy’s outfit?

Pretty standard outfit for your run of the mill confederate flag rally – a ripped t-shirt exposing your morbidly obese belly, complete with hand me down cargo shorts, and to top it all off, a nice pair of crocs. This is why “The South will rise again” is a slogan instead of “The South rose the other day and they won.”

I see a lot of people on Facebook with confederate flags for their profile pictures. This is fine and you can do whatever you want. But just remember that these are the people you’re aligning yourself with. At least they have the excuse of being born into it though. If you were born and raised in Massachusetts and you still take pride in displaying the flag of these fucknuts, you might wanna sit out a couple of plays, because you’re embarrassing yourself. And Turtleboy really feels bad for you.

Want to have your business advert seen by over 900,000 people per month? Email us at Turtleboysports@gmail.com for more information, and check out our website about types of advertising we offer.

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Click the picture to buy your Free Tom Brady/Turtleboy or Je Suis Tom Brady/Turtleboy t-shirts.

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