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Masslive: The ShowBar, a downtown strip club, is faced with police allegations that it employed a 17-year-old girl as a dancer earlier this year. The girl’s job came to an end when her mother found out and paid a visit to the club, police said. The Springfield License Commission has a pre-hearing conference scheduled Wednesday at 5:30 p.m. at City Hall to receive a list of alleged violations against the ShowBar, including one count of posing/exhibiting a child in a state of nudity.

I’ve never been to a Springfield strip club, but I would imagine the GED express that parades itself on stage is a sight to see. 

According to a police report, officers were sent to the club at 240 Chestnut St. on Feb. 17 to assist a woman who claimed her 17-year-old daughter “is on scene stripping and refusing to leave with her.” 

I hate when that happens. Leave me alone Mom!! Ya know what should’ve been the dead giveaway that this is a shady strip club? The fact that this is what it looks like from the outside:

That looks like an abandoned box factory. The boarded up windows and wires coming from the AC are a touch of class. 

Daniel Kelly, a lawyer representing the club, said the ownership will request a formal hearing before the License Commission at a future date to answer the allegations. “We dispute the city’s version of events,” Kelly said. “We have a lot of witnesses to call on our side.”

Ummmm, witnesses? She admits to being a stripper. The witnesses all saw her buck naked. She’s 17. What can a witness possibly say to get them off the hook?

The names of the girl, her mother and another relative who went to the ShowBar on that night were blacked out in police reports obtained by The Republican. According to a police report, the manager of record, Caterina Amsden, admitted the girl was an employee but claimed that the girl used fake identification that belonged to a 24-year-old cousin.

Sounds like they run a pretty tight ship down there at the ShowBar. Girl shows up with someone else’s ID and is immediately put on the payroll. I’m sure they thoroughly went through her resume on LinkedIn and the girl filled out her W2’s before she got up on that magical pole. 

Police Commissioner John Barbieri, in a report filed with the License Commission in March, said the police investigators found that the 17-year-old “stripper” did use the identification of the 24-year-old “but was receiving paychecks in her actual name, not the name of the cousin on the ID.”

Hold on a second. So she applied for the job using the name of her 24 year old cousin, but they wrote checks out to her? And no one thought there was something…..STRANGE about this? Just standard hiring procedure at Springfield’s strip clubs. 

In addition, Barbieri said police learned that a social worker from the state Department of Children and Families had talked to the girl, and that the girl said bartenders knew she was underage.

Someone better tell the ShowBar’s lawyer that if their witnesses are these bartenders, and they’re telling the cops that they knew the naked woman on stage was a minor, that’s not gonna help their case. Then again, I never went to Internet law school and I don’t have a degree in journalism so what the hell do I know?

Let me tell you something, the ShowBar looks like a magical place based on their Facebook page. These names and pictures are amazing (warning NSFW):

Based on what we know about their hiring practices, it honestly wouldn’t surprise me if one of these girls actually used an ID with the name “Buttercup” on it.

Oh, and the Springfield strips club taco bar sounds world class:

Almost as good as getting a tattoo of an pinball machine on your left thigh.

We’re not sure if Hershey is ever coming back, but her birthday bash sounded legendary:

So……post op? And what’s up with the stereotyping ShowBar?

Try to fit more microaggressions in one sentence. You can’t.

But seriously, some of these names are amazing:

Sugarcane, Sparklee, Sweetz, Cinnamon, Carmel, Treasure, Paradise, Candy, Montana, Dakota, Idaho, Lola (not to be confused with La La), Cookie, Brandy, Barbie, Sapphire, Fantasy, Henny, Sweetheart – which one is the 17 year old? It’s like they entered these girls in a stripper name generator and picked the most cliche ones that came out. The only thing more high quality than some of these names and talents, is the quality of the camera they used for these pictures which they then put up on their Facebook. I had no idea that CVS still sold those manually rewindable throwaway cameras.

Oh yea, and they also do graduation parties:

Because having a high school diploma instantly makes you the smartest employee they’ve ever had. I know where I’ll be on June 19!!

The reviews from patrons are even better:

It wouldn’t be a Springfield strip club if there weren’t a fat smelly guy selling bootleg purses in the corner.

Gotta get that bacon!!!

Reviews on the talent are mixed:

You know you’ve hit rock bottom when you’re leaving Facebook reviews on a Springfield strip club’s Facebook page, using your real name. Come on Russ, it’s not THAT bad is it? For only $25 per song you can get a lap dance from three generations of Holyoke’s finest.

Where do I sign up?

Some of the reviews seem a little…..biased:

She’s not even kidding. These are in fact that sexiest women in Springfield. Doesn’t look like some of the girls are doing so well in the tips department:

Come on guys, support your local strip club!!! Like my man here:

Money well spent indeed!!

There’s some interesting commentary on Masslive’s Facebook page about this, such as this brilliant woman’s thoughts:

Yea, so a minor is getting paid money to take her clothes and get her ass grabbed by Springfield’s finest in the VIP room. It’s not like she’s prostituting herself. Because that would be bad.

And according to the rumor mill, Momma Bear made a big mistake by messing with this legitimate business:

I’m sorry, but shouldn’t the mob be able to recruit some higher quality talent? I mean, haven’t you people watched the Sopranos? Do any of these girls look like they could get a call back interview at the Bada Bing? If they are really in the mob at least we know they’ll be back in business in no time, and now they’re looking for a new employee. At least until this girl turns 18.

Anyway, y’all need Jesus. Hopefully this girl can get her life turned back around because of this and she’ll be an astronaut on Mars curing cancer in no time.

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