Crime in Charlton is out of control. 

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The Charlton Police Department Facebook Page is a pretty entertaining follow. Today they made this announcement:

Turns out the crime that these guys committed was grounds for an all points bulletin in C-Town. Must’ve been a VERY serious offense:

BUSTED!!!!

You’ve obviously made a lot of poor choices in your life if you’re 45 years old and you’re still doing the snatch and run at Honey Farms. I mean, isn’t this phase of your life supposed to end after you turn 17? How old is this guy?

$20 says he’s from Oxford. He might as well have Oxford tattooed on his forehead.

I’ll tell you what the real crime is here. Take a look at the picture again:

They’re buying lottery tickets. Ya got that? They’re pissing money away and giving it to the state while stealing from a small business. I’ve always said that there should be two lines at convenience stores – one for smart people who wanna buy a gallon of milk as quickly as possible and another for dumb people who stand there and place their orders:

“I’ll have three numbah twos.” (cashier grabs 3 scratch tickets and looks at customer). “Four numbah sixteens.” (cashier grabs 4 scratch tickets and looks at customer, hoping order is over). “What are those numbah 28’s? Are those the new monopoly ones?” (Yes, those are the new ones). “OK, let me get two of those.” (brings ticket over assuming order is completed). “Let me get five of those, world class million dollah scratchies.” (cashier waits by tickets, knowing there is more). “And give me twenty five quick picks and a pack of Newports.”

By the time the order is completed the expiration date on your milk has passed. Hey numbnuts, it doesn’t matter what tickets you pick. They all have an equal chance of losing. The state doesn’t print them so you’ll win over time. And as for your quick picks, you have a one in a billion shot of winning. Buying 25 quick picks doesn’t increase your chances of winning at all. You’re still just contributing money to the state so we can pay people like Melinda Boone to do nothing all day. Don’t worry though, when you get lung cancer from ripping three packs of butts a day I’ll pay for your health insurance. Just get the fuck out of my way when I’m standing in line at Honey Farms.

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Click on the image to get your Turtleboy Sports Revolution hoodie or browse other merchandise from the Turtleboy store.