Hoodrat Heroes

Malden Meth Muppets Gave Back The Red Sox AL East Banner And Got No Ransom For It, But The North Shore GED Express Is Going After Turtleboy In Their Honor

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We’ve got an update on the Malden Meth Muppets who “found” the Red Sox AL East banner on the side of the road in Somerville and held it for ransom so they could use the cash to pay for Diego the friendly neighborhood heroin dealer’s kid’s to go to college. According to the Boston Globe they were accused of stealing it (just like anyone with a brain knew they did), the Red Sox refused to give them shit, and they ended up returning it anyway because they likely realized that advertising on the News that they were selling back stolen property to the Red Sox was the latest bad idea they’d concocted while listening to bootleg rap music at Green Park.


Nevertheless, we hereby formally invite both Jez “the jizz puppet” Amaral and Louie “get the girls woozy” Iacuzzi to come on Turtleboy Live this Saturday night for the return of Clarence Woods Emerson from 30 day suspension. We would love to hear their version of the story and give them a chance to set the record straight and really give us a piece of their mind. Because it looks like Jez isn’t happy that their 15 minutes have come and gone:

And the North Shore GED Express was out in full force to defend the meth muppets’ honor…..

Bro, I don’t talk online. I just post shit 24/7 when I’m not in the studio working on my latest rap album and celebrating 48 hours of sobriety.

Once he gets that address shit’s gonna be on.

Joey Joe Joe here is apparently under the impression that we reported him to the Facebook police?

Proving once again that everything on the Internet is Turtleboy’s fault.

Then there’s Danny Knight….

Add Malden to the list of many, many places Turtleboy is banned from for fear of getting smacked by a meth muppet like this:

Although according to William Walsh Voiceovers it’s disputed that Louie and Jez are in fact meth muppets…..

Yea guys, just because someone’s on methadone doesn’t mean they’re a meth muppet!!

The only one in the crew I’m not fucking with is Victoria….

I’m not fucking with her. I know better than to grapple with an Everett broad whose got plastic AND paper bags under her eyes.

That lady’s seen some shit.

Not sure if this is JFK the rapper, or he’s here to defend some other north shore skagrag, but this might be the greatest sentagraph ever:

He’s evidently been messaging anyone who shared the blog to let them know that the government is surveilling them using the Patriot Act….or something?

OK then.

Anyway, if you need Jez he’ll be doing what he always does – chillin at Green Park listening to JFK.

Hit us up Jez. We’d love to have you and Louie on the show Saturday night. You won’t.

25 Comment(s)
  • Fo Sho
    Not wid my dick
    September 20, 2018 at 6:44 pm

    Malden……………… The Gateway to Meffa.

  • Yuck
    September 20, 2018 at 4:02 pm

    Jesus H. Christ!!! What a collection of fucking turds! Joe Joe, when you’re done sucking cocks for Bud Lights, make sure you wash the cum out with one of those “fine” malted beverages. And Victoria…holy fucking shit is that one worn-out trash bag. When the phrase “Rode hard and put away wet” was coined, it was her that it referenced. Goddamn woman, look what forty years of giving out BJs and handies behind a Cumby’s dumpster has done to your ugly mug. Your best bet would be to stay the fuck off social media and wither in shame.

  • John Sardnola
    September 20, 2018 at 3:13 pm

    I love the paper and plastic bags comment. That broad looks like shes been passed around a lot.

  • WT Heck
    September 20, 2018 at 2:38 pm

    Malden is north of Boston, but it is NOT North Shore because it’s not on the shore. It’s just a burb.

  • Let me up, I've had enough
    September 20, 2018 at 1:57 pm

    Malden. Where everyone looks like they are an extra in the movie “The Town”. More tracksuits per capita than anywhere else in the USA.

  • James is not Jason
    September 20, 2018 at 12:44 pm


    You guys legit got something pretty wrong on the previous article about these two. You bring up a Jason Amaral who has absolutely nothing to do with this story. It’s very easy to correct, you just need to remove his name. James Amaral was not in the CBS special referenced, Jason was and has since got his life together and has helped many others to do the same. Please correct.

  • Honkey Kong
    September 20, 2018 at 11:32 am

    The best is that Goonies character Walsh:

    “I’ve know Jez Amaral for some time and he ain’t no meth puppet.”
    “Stop lying, you know he’s on methadone.”
    “So that makes him a meth puppet?”

    That’s exactfuckingly what makes Jezbian Is The New Black a meth puppet, Down Syndrome.

  • Dom Provalone
    September 20, 2018 at 11:30 am

    Yo, leave these boys alone. They got nice gel in their hair and they live with their mums to take care of her. Sure they buy acid washed jeans with holes in them to make it look like they got jobs and work but gratzi they good kids.

  • Frank Rizzo
    September 20, 2018 at 11:07 am

    I grew up in Malden a long time ago, in my teens we moved to Amherst in 1968, thank god the old man got us outta there! These two clowns are like every idiot that I went to jr high with and this just scratches the surface, the whole north shore is loaded with frikkin clowns just like these two. I live just outside of Boston on the south shore now and its pretty much the same down here but with a higher ratio of Micks in the mix (heheh) not as many Guidos but they’re all the same, buncha frikkin pukes, no shit.

    • Jim
      September 20, 2018 at 1:28 pm

      I’m not going to argue Everett, Malden, Medford etc, has their share of Aholes and I’ll bet towns south of Boston do as well, but thankful you moved to Amherst? Come on, it’s nothing but Cambridge West. Full of liberal dick suckers and feminazis. 2016 vote: Hillary 84.1% and Stein 4.2%.

      • Y
        September 20, 2018 at 4:43 pm

        You’ve got a valid point.
        The place is full of Subaru Foresters, Birkenstocks, Coexist bumper stickers, boys regulars and meat tossers (shout-out PCU).

  • FED X
    September 20, 2018 at 11:02 am

    Um Yeah, they found a package that belonged to the Red Sox and held it for ransom. You can’t do that! The only question is what happens when they have to go to court.

  • Daniel Sullivan
    Berkshire Medford
    September 20, 2018 at 10:15 am

    Is it me or does that Jez kid look like a lesbian? I am not judging at all maybe he/she is transitioning I don’t know to each his/her own. I never knew Medford was so gangster before this article came out. Apparently they are all mobsters I honestly thought Medford was in the Berkshires out past Worcester. But hey I from Brockton so I am the last one to judge anyone lol. I guess I didn’t know how close I lived to people who think their lives resembles the sopranos. I wish I could wake up everyday chase down some oxys then head to the local park and listen to some half ass underground (more like mothers basement) Eminem. Good luck turtleboy your time is almost up these Ghetto boys are going to hunt you and your family down. Actually maybe mine as well since I commented on this article. That’s what JFK said anyways lmao God I love this. Turtleboy you are best. I am actually going to order a turtle boy sticker right now Thanks

    • Good Idea
      September 20, 2018 at 10:20 am

      I am going to buy a Turtleboy sticker now also.

    • Y
      September 20, 2018 at 11:06 am

      They look like a couple failed 40 Y/O losers, one with a busted nose, the other with a tranny face and gray hair.
      Hey Ladies, you need any Xannies or Johnnies, or does the methadone do the trick?
      Malden ppl are the worst; such a bad look for Bostonians.

    • Jim
      September 20, 2018 at 1:31 pm

      It’s the GED crew so I think he misspelled Jiz

  • John Henry
    September 20, 2018 at 10:05 am

    I love how there fucken junkbag constitutional scholars love to make up fake federal / State investigations and always seem to reference that IP Address. Anyone with a fucken brain knows that it takes no effort to set up a VPN and route theough multiple anonomius IP addresses. Good luck with that investigation and scoring your next bundle of what I hope is pure fentanyl.

    September 20, 2018 at 9:41 am


    • IP Adrdess a bag of dicks
      September 20, 2018 at 9:53 am

      WTF are you talking about douchbag?

    • Kevins 9 Iron
      September 20, 2018 at 9:57 am

      Hey dipshit what’s with caps? You mad bro?

    • Y
      September 20, 2018 at 11:01 am

      Kennedy, don’t forget to listen to the new JFK joint on your way to the meth-van this morning.

    • Joey C
      September 20, 2018 at 1:26 pm

      Oh hey John Kennedy!

      If Mia Curtatone is your fiance and she lives with you, why is she posting pics in bed with micheal lacrosse??

      Please don’t report me to the FBI/patriot act, i’m just genuinely asking a question.


      – Uncle Joey

    • America First
      Nancy Curtatone
      September 20, 2018 at 2:59 pm

      Hey “TURTLE SCRAM” (aka Mia Curtatone): Do you smoke crack with your father, or are you strictly a junkie?

    • speedracer
      September 20, 2018 at 4:23 pm

      Heyy Mia its Maude, holla at me gurl…….

    • ncfoothillbilly
      September 20, 2018 at 5:20 pm

      You had a FB page taken down? Well, thats some hardcore Nancy Drew sleuthing you did. J/k We know an adult helped. Heres my IP for the innerwebz po-po 8675309.

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