All-Star Criminals

Marcus Luttrell Acting Like A Bad Ass To Dudes Who Will Want His Daughter Is A Really Bad Look For Men

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Marcus Luttrell is on my Mount Rushmore of bad ass Americans. I’d have him up there with Nathan Hale, General Sherman, and Patton. If you’re unfamiliar with him, he’s the real life soldier who Mark Wahlberg portrayed in 

Lone Survivor. 

That movie brought me on a ride that only my magical turtle could match. Dude took on the Taliban after being shot five million times and still won. It simply doesn’t get any more American than that.

Anyway I follow him on Twitter because he has interesting things to say. The other day he posted a link to a post on his Facebook page about what his requirements will be for dating his infant daughter when that time comes. Here’s what he posted:

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No offense to Marcus Luttrell, but this sort of shit has to stop with men. I’m sick of it. I know the bro-tastic take would be to see something along the lines of, “

I would totally do the same for my daughter if some dude was trying to nail her.”

But this is not a bro-tastic blog. It’s a feminist family blog, and quite frankly I’m a little sick of hearing dudes say this.

We get it. You don’t want to think about some Joe tight shirt trying to add your daughter to his list of conquests. She’s as innocent as you can possibly be right now, and the thought of some dooshnozzle taking that innocence away upsets you. I feel ya.

over-protective-dad

But please, for the love of God, stop trying to be such a bad ass. First of all, you’re a fucking hypocrite. Every dude out there was a 16 year old boy at one time. If he went around hooking up with girls when he was 16 then he’s the biggest fraud for trying to stop the new generation from doing the same. All they’re thinking about is girls, sports, and whose older brother is gonna buy them beer that weekend. This doesn’t make them predators. It makes them boys. And Marcus Luttrell was once one of them.

Here’s another thing – your daughter is not your fucking property. It’s like a bad cliche from 

Ten Things I Hate About You

every time I hear someone rant like Marcus Luttrell. But your daughter is going to grow up to be a human being that can make her own decisions. Instead of trying to lock her up and scare away every dude that’s trying to hook up with her, maybe you should treat her to respect herself and not be a giant bucket? Nah, fuck that. Just threaten some 16 year old kid who you could crush with your bare hands. That’s what a real man does.

What’s even worse is when someone tries to do this with their sister. I see it ALL TIME TIME. Shit like this I can find from a simple search on Twitter:

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Oh man, what a bad ass!! He’ll totally kick my ass if I act on the biological impulses that are completely controlling my body and mind. People who act like this are just dying to be someone’s knight in shining armor. They think they’re protecting their female family members, but in reality they’re just embarrassing everyone involved. This meatstick’s sister might actually WANT a guy to touch her. Ever think of that? So basically your sister’s right to make her own decisions isn’t nearly as important as your right to assert what a professional bad ass you are.

Quite frankly, dudes need to be less worried about their daughters and more worried about their sons. As a father when you have a girl a lot of people’s initial instinct is to go all Marcus Luttrell. Relax dude. Girls make much better decisions than boys. That’s a scientific fact. Girls love nothing more than to tell boys how immature they are. They relish the fact that they are in control and make responsible life choices.

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But boys? Boys are the real liability. I fear having a boy for that reason. I will constantly be thinking, “

I hope he doesn’t get arrested tonight,” 

or, “

I hope he doesn’t get talked into jumping off a third floor balcony into a 4 foot above-ground pool.” 

Because this is what comes naturally to us as boys. We have to talk ourself OUT OF doing really stupid shit. It’s science. You can have the best parents in the world. They can teach you right from wrong, raise you with love, and teach you values. Doesn’t matter. The second you get freedom from them you’re gonna fuck around as much as possible and break every single rule you can get away with. Boys push the boundaries until bad things happen.

Girls though? Girls love rules. The tattle tales growing up were almost always female. Girls do their homework and are organized. Boys forget everything on the bus and have a trapper keeper filled with cookies and really important forms that they never gave their parents.

So relax Marcus Luttrell. Your daughter will be just fine, and if you raise her right she probably won’t be interested in scumbags. Yea, she’ll probably end up making out with some dudes, but who gives a shit? I would advise you to just not think about it at all. But your son should scare the shit out of you and you should be worried about him 24/7.

Feel free to share your thoughts to keep the conversation going.

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8 Comment(s)
  • Jimmy Garropolo
    September 30, 2014 at 9:51 pm

    Your clearly a d-bag that perhaps doesn’t have a daughter or a sister? Because no one is implying a sister or daughter cant date or “be touched” by a guy. I don’t know if your aware, but women tend to be more defenseless when it comes to domestic abuse. The basic point is, as Luttrell means, in his sarcastic rant, that if you physically abuse, rape, pillage, hit, kick, verbally abuse, his daughter, then you he basically has the right to find you and give you what you deserve. Way to read between the lines. This is basically what any guy means when they say these things. There are plenty of losers like yourself that must violate these things to not be able to understand the hatred towards rapists and abusers. Good luck Loser.

    • Finnish goalie
      October 1, 2014 at 6:18 am

      “Thinking about having a chastity belt made.”

      Pretty sure he almost lost his life and his squad was wiped out by people with similar thoughts.

      • Biff Tannen
        March 29, 2017 at 1:42 pm

        The guy is an American hero, damn it.

  • wabbitt
    September 30, 2014 at 1:32 am

    The only time a guy should act like that in regards to women in their family, is if the other guy is abusive.

    I let my sisters date and screw any shit sipper they want. But if one of those little bastards lays so much as a hand on one of them, and they’ll be drawing back a fucking bloody stump.

  • Joey G
    September 29, 2014 at 10:21 pm

    I’m not really impressed by a guy who gives away the end of his book in the title of it.

    Oh and by the way, Nathan Hale was a coward. You only hear part of the story about him. After he said “I only regret that I have but one life to give for my country,” he said “but what I really regret is that I’m giving it right now.” And then began the begging.

    • Alice
      April 3, 2019 at 1:15 am

      With all respect, I invite you to learn more about Nathan Hale. I have a detailed, documented and source-verified book on him from the 1800’s. Nathan Hale was an incredible bad arse and patriot who played a pivotal role of accurate and timely intelligence gathering (in real time) for General George Washington during the revolutionary war, by going behind enemy lines. Courageous patriot. (If you were jesting, I apologize in advance.) God bless the USA.

  • Finnish goalie
    September 29, 2014 at 9:07 pm

    Of course he wants her to stay pure. How else can he expect a decent dowry? Duh.

    • Finnish goalie
      September 29, 2014 at 9:08 pm

      Marriage contract rather.

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