Hoodrat Heroes

Meet Kristen Ervin: The Billerica Baboon Who Yelled Racial Slurs At The Sassy Gay Lowell Convenience Store Clerk 

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Earlier today we published this blog about some Billerica baboon who caused a scene outside of a convenience store, yelling racial obscenities and bragging about how she gets paid to perform oral sex on strangers:

And even without our Facebook pages we got a bunch of messages from turtle riders screaming the same name – Kristen Ervin, AKA Kristen Joan:

And this line from the blog was prophetic:

“She only comes to Lowell to panhandle for free cigarettes before heading back to her section 8 roach lair right across the border.”

Because she lives right across Lowell’s southern border with Billerica:

And in the least surprising turn of events ever she’s got some Google trophies, including a recent prize for assault and battery on a police officer, as well as disturbing the peace and disorderly conduct:


No big deal, just another night out for the Billerica baboon.

Good news fellas – she’s single and ready to mingle:

And she’s spit a couple of bang trophies out of her tampon tunnel as well:

Which is great news, because obviously this mentally stable woman is in a fine position to raise children.

When we get Turtleboy Live back this is an official invitation for Kristen to come on with us and explain her side of the story.

33 Comment(s)
  • livesinlowell
    April 6, 2018 at 11:24 am

    Just saw this chick outside of espresso pizza in lowell rippin’ butts.

  • I.M. Peinis
    January 23, 2018 at 11:30 pm

    when you go to youtube and type in Billerica baboon this comes up. who are these mensa members and maybe some turtle investigation is needed to help the poor kid.

    • I.M. Peinis
      January 23, 2018 at 11:31 pm

      it may not be local but Billerica baboon brings this up

  • Nuna
    January 17, 2018 at 5:32 pm

    I do personally know her from school and she has always been a trashy cunt. I’m not surprised at all. Those poor kids should be taken away! They just may now!

  • Didi Delgado Baby Daddy
    January 17, 2018 at 6:17 am

    I’d really rather fuck her in the mouth. She looks like she would love my black seed.

  • White Nationalist Turtle Rider
    January 16, 2018 at 7:46 pm

    Just curious as to why you’re calling her a baboon if she’s not black?

    • vicxh
      January 17, 2018 at 1:49 pm

      She’s had a lot of black inside her …

  • Heat Miser
    January 16, 2018 at 6:52 pm

    Oh boy, I think I’m in love! I laid my eyes on the skull pants, and felt a thunderbolt hit me. The middle finger and zero fucks attitude was just the cherry on top. And I love bastard kids as long as I never have to see them or spend time and money on them. #Romance

  • dejavue
    January 16, 2018 at 6:39 pm

    Ginger Woman. No further questions your honor.

    Didn’t even need to read the story.
    50/50 she has a backpage hooker ad.
    Certain she has an addiction.
    Certain everyone’s fault but hers.

    • Gingy Kid
      January 16, 2018 at 9:43 pm

      Can we focus on the fact that she’s from billerica instead of her hair?

      • Al Gore the Scientist
        January 17, 2018 at 10:45 am

        Yes and no, Ginger is not simply a hair color. It is a defective gene that when expressed in women causes a long list of social problems for 9 out of 10. Higher probability of addiction, mental instability, impulsive decisions, acting-out, all the qualities of a ratchet and more. If you know of the irrational personality of most strippers, simply apply that same mental state to most Ginger women regardless of how ugly they may be. Hot strippers get a pass from many because their hot, expires when they get fat or hit 30 to 40, depending on city miles.

        If you’re a ginger woman without these problems consider yourself lucky. Ginger males appear to be only carriers of the gene as far as behavior goes. Most Ginger Women should be screened for signs of depression, bi-polar, schizophrenia etc. before age 15. Billerica seems like a righteously ratchet towny kind of town, prime Ginger habitat.

        Interesting foot note most hot gingers you see are brunette or blonde with hair color.

        • Jen
          January 25, 2018 at 8:35 am

          OMG CRYING LAUGHING !! Spot on analysis !!

  • Finn
    January 16, 2018 at 3:09 pm

    I’m gay as fuck

    Fuck me hard in the ass,

    • Truth Hurts
      January 16, 2018 at 3:30 pm

      Finn must have hurt you bad, Nancy. You can’t get off his jock.

      Of course, even though you’re not Finn, that doesn’t mean you’re not gay as fuck. You do hang out on a blog site all day stalking some dude. You must want to suck dick really bad. It’s obvious to everyone but you.

      You wouldn’t want everybody to know you’re stalking a dude, would you?

      • Finn
        January 16, 2018 at 3:46 pm

        I will absolutely suck everyone’s dick her

        Get sucked,

        • toddie
          January 16, 2018 at 6:41 pm

          you so gay Finn… things making sense now

          • Finn
            January 16, 2018 at 7:26 pm

            Don’t make me suck that daddy…

            Get sucked,

  • Vladimir PutInAss
    January 16, 2018 at 10:21 am

    Eww u Nasty Kristen…go back to sleep on the concrete freckles McGee

  • Burt Hurtensteiner
    January 16, 2018 at 10:01 am

    I would absolutely do her.



    • Finn
      January 16, 2018 at 3:43 pm

      Don’t make me suck your dick

      Talk shit get sucked,

  • Clayton Wentz
    January 16, 2018 at 9:47 am

    I know Krissy, she is usually low key. I guarantee you, she must have been drunk off her socks. This chick does not suck dick for a living; she was going off and was ranting. I have had the pleasure of seeing this before. This brother was trying his damnedest to score and she was busting his balls saying she fucks the world, but she wasn’t going to fuck him for anything in the world. Later on, we were laughing our asses off, because the guy was totally shot down. Started calling her all kinds of names, until PrimoB went after his ass. She can be a bunch of laughs. The cop thing in Virginia was a two-sider. That cop was a real dickhead, sure she should have kept her trap shut, but that isnt Krissy as you can see. She was sticking up for that idiot Percy McD, which she should have got his arse arrested, since he cut her good. If she has any faults, it she doesnt know when to keep her mouth shut (and I mean yapping.)
    She’s a decent mother too. Those kids WANT FOR NOTHING and she gets no help. No welfare there, she works her tail off at mult jobs and side work. Want to lash out, go after those sperm donors, both promised her the world, only to end up being rag-a-muffins. Knowing her, she’ll probably get a kick out of the turtleboy write up. i doubt though she’ll get on live. Like I said, low key. Believe it or not. lol.

    • Yuck
      January 16, 2018 at 10:12 am

      Save it dude. This “woman” is fucking piece of shit. Arrest records, acting like a fucking cunt in public, assaulting a police officer, and god knows what the fuck else she has done that she didn’t get caught for. She’s a fucking turd who will always be a fucking turd. And guess what you cannot do with a turd? (Spoiler Alert: polish it)

      • Clayton Wentz
        January 16, 2018 at 10:20 am

        You obviously do not know her yuck. Try looking at her arrests. There all within a few weeks, if not the very same week. I know her I remember, it was like July about 3-4 years ago. BEsdies the cop thing, she made some harassing phone calls to some other chick her bf was tagging. Check the dates. It was a bad relationship and she was not letting go. Went sort of fucking nuts actually. If we convict every single person who had a shitty relationship and went nuts getting arrested, we’d have only one person to not squawk about, which would seem to be you. lmao. Serious, check the dates. Other than that, no arrests. From what I understand, we can even sexually harass chicks at a Bills game and still save face? Goose for the gander bro, G for the G.

      • January 16, 2018 at 6:23 pm

        Can’t you tell that’s her writing this. Look at someone who knows that much detail in her life, justifying every action & then the child support baby daddy line. come on!! Lady if you read this! Get your act together maybe you can become a Great story writer!

    • Finn
      January 16, 2018 at 10:18 am

      Hi Krissy,

      “Like I said, [she is] low key. Believe it or not.”

      She’s not low key.

      “Want to lash out, go after those sperm donors, both promised her the world, only to end up being rag-a-muffins.”

      She picked them. She’s a moron believing anyone is going to give her the “world”. Dummy.

      She’s well over 30. She should know how to behave in public. Instead, she’s fighting the police, store clerks and anyone else that doesn’t agree with her. Maybe she should learn some self restraint?

      Get Fucked,

    • Rick Shaw
      January 16, 2018 at 11:09 am

      She’s trailer trash to the core. She’s been arrested multiple times, one for assaulting a cop. Most respecting citizens who contribute society don’t have neck tattoos, assault police officers, or panhandle for butts. She’s disgusting and any fuck trophies she has do not stand a chance with this steaming pile of feces.

      • Finn
        January 16, 2018 at 3:45 pm

        It’s woman like her who turned me gay in the first placed

        Get sucked

    • Citypoint
      January 16, 2018 at 2:56 pm

      She’s a ginger. And gingers have no souls.

      • Gingy Kid
        January 16, 2018 at 9:40 pm

        Ok, ok, ok no souls. I’ll give u that one, but we’re not ALL like the gingers featured in TBS articles. I SWEAR! #MORETHANGINGER

      • A chef
        January 16, 2018 at 10:46 pm

        Hey my wife’s a ginger and…. Shit she’s after MY soul again go away stop trying to take mine go steal someone else’s I already married you what more do you want of lol.

    • Jessicatravis
      January 18, 2018 at 2:38 am

      She’s a hoodbooger

    • Jessicatravis
      January 18, 2018 at 2:39 am

      She’s a hoodbooger. If she came to Weymouth I’d kick her ass.

  • dooof
    January 16, 2018 at 9:31 am


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