Go pee before you read this. I wet my pantaloons as soon as I found this total cop wannabe pussy.
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Every once in a while I see some comments on our stories that just level me and leave me in stitches. I couldn’t stop laughing at this enormous queefweed on the Marie Samedy blog. I had actual laugh tears streaming down my cheeks. The best part is HE CAME TO US! I leeeerv silver platter idiots.
I want you guys to meet Master Chief Sergeant Captain Chris Braz. He’s the 22 year-old hero we’ve been looking for. He’s the voice of a new generation of law enforcement. He’s the one that every actual member of our real police departments looks to for guidance. He can single-handedly rescue every child from the prying eyes of a woman who builds shrines out of used maxi pads.
Basically, he’s the toughest fucking mall cop these-here parts have ever seen and you best recognize. FER-REALZ. He even got a gun, y’all!
I FEEL SO MUCH BETTER! Citizens arrest! Citizens arrest!
HE CALLED HER MISS. I. AM. DEAD.
Oh fuck guys. He might be for real. You see that badge? That walkie? I guess you don’t have to be able to spell apprentice to work for free and be one. Just look at the bad assery of his pictures. Grimmsbane is his nickname because Blood Wolf Ass Kicker Dark Heart Badge Slayer must have been taken. (I’m guessing that was what he named his Dark Elf in Skyrim.)
He wasn’t done yet. He ain’t limited by the restraints like REAL COPS.
I hate to tell him that he can’t be a Private Investigator in Mass being a mall cop. Let’s let him think it while we laugh at his existence!
Basically, what he’s saying, is that he reads a whole bunch online, took a 100 hours of night classes at a community college, and anytime he walked in for a real job interview with real LE he was such an mega vag that they laughed him out of the office. I think the only time I wished this guy was there to protect me was if I was choking in the food court. It would be the most EXTREME throat-delodging anyone has ever seen. He’d probably has theme music he hits play to before ninja-rolling in to action.
It’s probably a copy of his band’s demo.
My Chemical Badgemance.
Wait, someone had more experience than you? How is that even possible!?
You know what this reminds me of? I know it’s a bit of a reach for an analogy but…. you guys remember the scene in Anchor man when Brian Fantana (Paul Rudd) is giving the whole speech about Sex Panther cologne? He’s giving it this huge sales pitch to Ron Burgundy with all these fake facts? He puts it on and he is telling himself it’s awesome, meanwhile everyone who smells it is barfing and screaming about how it smells like Big Foot’s dick?
This kid says his career is Sex Panther. His actual real life career is a used diaper filled with used Indian food.
Chris took to another comment on our page to announce that he, Captain Pussy Fart, was going to compose a CASE FILE to send to the ACTUAL fuzz.
Can you imagine how thankful Brockton will be to receive his email? He, himself, is going to try and get her sectioned. He’s going to rid the streets of this blight.
Yeah, he’s running background checks with his authority. Basically, he used Google.
Look spunktrumpet, I would tell you to fuck off and let you know that the majority of cops in this state are HUGE fans of us. They read us religiously. LE all over the Commonwealth are going be sending this blog to each other and laughing themselves fucking stupid at what a moron you sound like. They’re going to remember your name when your applications comes in. They are going to call your Chief in Randolph and ask him what the hell he was thinking hiring such a squib for parade duty. Personally, knowing you just crapped all over your own future prospects being fake cocky makes me feel better. Anyone with such a little emo dick complex, such as you have, needs not a badge – but a job serving fries, you wankhammer.
Please, for all that is holy, someone message me about what this kid was like in high school. The stories must be AMAZING.