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Native Americans Kicked Off Facebook For “Fake Names” Because Dumb People Think Facebook Is Real

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RedditDana Lone Hill tried logging on to Facebook last Monday only to be locked out because the social media giant believed that she was using a fake name. In an essay over at Last Real Indians, Dana, who’s Lakota and has been using Facebook since 2007, explains that she’s presented a photo ID, library card and one piece of mail to the company in an attempt to restore her account. The day after Lone Hill’s account was suspended she was able to access it briefly but she was then booted a second time. Facebook’s 10-year-old real-name policy stipulates that users “provide the name they use in real life.” 

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Anyone who thinks anything on Facebook is real is a moron. It’s not. It’s the Internet. The real name policy might be the biggest waste of time I’ve ever seen for a company as lucrative as Facebook. Like, what are you trying to solve here? This isn’t a problem you can fix. I have about 25-30 fake Facebook names I use, mainly for spam and stalking people who have previously blocked me. Sometimes I get messages that my name violates the policy – AKA someone reported me. The only thing worse than Facebook’s stupid police are people who report other people for using fake names. All I’m gonna do is change it to another fake name. And if they shut down that account, guess what? I’m just gonna make a new one. I have a never ending supply of names that I can’t wait to use. Look, there’s a million and one ways Facebook can fuck up your life, so using a fake name is pretty much a basic necessity. You’re not fixing anything Facebook, so please for your sanity just give up trying to make Facebook a real place where real people use their real names. It’s never gonna happen.

Oh yea, and if you wanna do everyone a favor, get rid of muffs like this who use “shared” accounts:

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It doesn’t get much more Buffalo than those two. These Buffalonians used to send me butthurt messages all the time:

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Screen Shot 2015-02-15 at 2.43.26 PMI can understand why people have to use fake names on Facebook, but there’s no excuse for the shared name with your wife. It’s emasculating. Nothing says “I’m a whipped naniburger” like a shared Facebook name.

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