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NIMBY Warwick Residents Not Happy About Gravy Dumpsters Renting Out Crowne Plaza For BDSM Gang Bang

NIMBY Warwick Residents Not Happy About Gravy Dumpsters Renting Out Crowne Plaza For BDSM Gang Bang

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Warwick OnlineAn upcoming event of the Fifty Shades of Grey caliber isn’t flying with one local resident. A citizen who preferred to be identified only as “just a regular mom,” emailed media outlets and Warwick school administrators on Monday expressing shock and concern over a “public orgy” happening at the Crowne Plaza this weekend. The event, the Fetish Fair Flea Market, is hosted by the New England Leather Alliance (NELA) and is the “largest and lowest-cost event for the BDSM [Bondage, Discipline, Dominance and Submission or Sadomasochism] Community in New England” for participants and vendors from around the U.S. and Canada.

The flea market has been hosted at the Crowne Plaza before, but this year a “Play Party” aspect in which the Plaza ballroom will be transformed into a “fully equipped dungeon” has been added. Participants can pay $20 to attend one of two parties, or $40 for the “Double Header.”

The Play Party page on NELA’s website tells participants, “We strongly encourage all attendees to practice safer sex and will have supplies available in the play spaces, “anything that penetrates someone else’s orifices must be barriered – this includes toys, strap-ons, fingers, fists, etc,” and that “condoms, gloves or other appropriate barriers are required.” Safety and consent is largely emphasized, and failure to comply with these and other set rules will result in ejection from the event. The site also notes participants must obey all federal, state and local laws and ordinances.

Though she considers herself to be accepting of differing beliefs and values, the concerned citizen doesn’t feel the “play party” aspect of the event is necessarily appropriate to hold in Warwick.

“I love Warwick. I don’t have anything against people who participate in orgies. I just do not want it here,” she said. “I do not want our city turning into the Las Vegas of the Northeast.”

The event was approved and vetted by the Board of Public Safety and city solicitor’s office before being granted a license, according to Warwick Police Colonel Stephen McCartney.

In addition, Mayor Scott Avedisian’s office said it received information from the hotel and the board of public safety and added that in past cases in other communities, the ACLU has stepped in and argued that communities cannot bar these types of events as it is an infraction of civil rights. The event is not open to the general public, no other visitors will be going in or out of the hotel at that time, and admission to the event had to be paid for ahead of time. Private security will be on the premises, and the hotel is “taking precautions to ensure that it’s a well-monitored event.”

8HsDzyn

LOL. “I’m totally pro gang bang. Just not in my backyard.” Classic.

Just so we’re clear, the official policy of Turtleboy Sports is that we are pro-gang bang. It’s right in the Turtleboy Charter, section 6, Amendment 9. BUT, it clearly states in the Charter that this is conditional upon at least 75% participants being physically attractive. Anything other than that will destroy your property value. It’s one thing if you have good looking people in your town doing unspeakable things to each other in the Crowne Plaza. That’s going to attract the big spenders and stimulate the economy. But if you have a bunch of meatwagons from the Connecticut corridor coming into town, eating steak and cheese grinders and wearing assless chaps, that’s gonna scare people away. No one wants to be around that.

And from the looks of it, New England Leather Alliance does not fit the Turtleboy gang bang criteria as outlined in our charter:

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Come on now. No one wants to see this cheesehog parade rolling through town.

What I don’t get is the Warwick Police’s line of thinking:

In terms of whether the event is a “public orgy,” Deputy Chief Michael Babula said, “That’s not the case.” It’s a matter of obtaining a license and falls under freedom of speech, he said, adding that the license for the event was obtained months ago. “The group rents the entire hotel and it’s entirely private,” he said. “It’s within their constitutional right and not a criminal matter.” Warwick Police officers will be present at the event for security purposes.

Wait….what? How is this not a public orgy? Because they have a license for it? It’s a bunch of weirdos taking a break from online gaming to get together and probing each other while dressing like their favorite mammals. It’s free speech for sure. But it’s also an orgy. It can be both.

And quite frankly, it sounds like a great deal, if you’re into this sort of thing. Forty bucks for the double header? I spent more than that trying to impress chicks at Applebees. Anyway, hope you weirdos have fun at your orgy. Just remember the safe word is “cheesehog.”

 

 

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23 Comment(s)
  • Joe
    February 22, 2017 at 6:05 pm

    Yuck, what a bunch of disgusting pigs!

  • My Eyes Hurt
    February 18, 2017 at 8:04 am

    Aghhhhh I made the mistake of clicking on this article. My dick just crawled up inside of me and donkey punched the back of my eyeballs.

  • Lola Bunny
    February 17, 2017 at 11:53 pm

    What is with the leather horse and dog face masks???
    People are so fucking weird.

    • BobnMic
      February 18, 2017 at 7:45 am

      I can explain it to you and give you a demo. HMU!

  • Officer BobnMic
    February 17, 2017 at 7:31 pm

    Hands up!!! You’re under arrest perverts! It’s illegal to put your dick in an asshole without letting me lick it clean afterwards. I know all the laws, just ask jeeves!!

  • FiestyLawyerLady
    February 17, 2017 at 3:26 pm

    I can’t wait!!!

    • FiestyLawyerLady
      February 17, 2017 at 4:35 pm

      …to catch BobnMic on camera walking in. He already told us about his long leather coat. I’m sure he’ll be led by his cannon buddy John. Leashed, of course, you gotta keep that fucker restrained when he’s tweaking

      • FiestyLawyerLady
        February 17, 2017 at 7:20 pm

        My goodness torque horrible at being me. No fucking sense of humor at all, it’s almost unbearable.

        • FiestyLawyerLady
          February 17, 2017 at 7:21 pm

          Torque? Wtf? You’re**

          • BobnMic
            February 20, 2017 at 11:03 pm

            Ok I’m all sorts of lost here. What is this ‘Torque’ thing?

  • I melt snowflakes.
    February 17, 2017 at 1:37 pm

    After the orgy they are going to go to a woman’s march with their pink vagina hats on. I bet they are all Liberals. Now to figure out what bathroom horses use.

  • Edward Lyle
    Edward Lyle
    February 17, 2017 at 1:32 pm

    How in actual fuck do you see what people Google before they come to your site? That ain’t at all right. How is it even legal? WTF!!!!

    • Stu Pidazzo
      February 17, 2017 at 1:57 pm

      This is an analytics tool that is available to all website admins. It’s not tied to specific users, just meant to help you improve how people find you on search engines. Its also how TB knows where people are viewing from and knows he has readers from Boston, N.H., South Shore, all over the country.

      • Edward Lyle
        Edward Lyle
        February 17, 2017 at 2:56 pm

        Thanks Stu. So you’re saying he only sees the statistics and not the actual viewers names? I hope. lol

        • Stu Pidazzo
          February 17, 2017 at 4:31 pm

          In reference to the Google searching that TB sees, yes.

          What you really need to be aware of is what those fuckers are Google have on you. I have an Android phone- Google is tracking all on the Map searches, locations, Gmail, etc. etc. Go into the settings sometime and take a look at all of the shit they have tied to your Google/Gmail account. You’ll be amazed!

          • Turd Burglestein
            February 17, 2017 at 4:49 pm

            Google knows every place I shit.

          • Officer BobnMic
            February 17, 2017 at 7:36 pm

            Google knows the exact times I’m on duty. It’s because I use the free WiFi at McDonalds.

            I’m working a double tonight. I have my tricycle today, the red flyer. I bought it on clearance at walmart when I went there for my adult diapers.

  • WooTown
    February 17, 2017 at 1:23 pm

    Solution to Regular Mom’s dilemma: don’t go to Crowne Plaza that weekend.

    Its not the supermarket, bank or gas station or any other place you might need to go.

  • ElJefe72
    ElJefe72
    February 17, 2017 at 12:49 pm

    How come all the photos only have fat, old women and gay dudes?

    • Duke Westwood
      February 17, 2017 at 1:33 pm

      Because that is what you find at BDSM “play parties”, hedonism resorts, nudist camps, etc…

  • Turd Burglestein
    February 17, 2017 at 12:48 pm

    Firsties! Looking for other members of Man Town to hang out and vape with me.

  • Satisfied
    February 17, 2017 at 12:36 pm

    At least I bet they use the correct bathroom.

    • Subbyspace
      February 22, 2017 at 5:05 pm

      All the bathrooms were non gender.

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