Sports

No One Cares That Peyton Manning Got Steroids From ISIS Because He Is The Fat Girl With A Nice Personality

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In case you haven’t heard, while Peyton Manning was playing for the Colts, he was having HGH (steroids) sent to his drug dealer from somewhere in the Middle East, according to this steamy expose from the Huffington Post. Basically this British hurdler Liam Collins, who is in his late 30’s, did an undercover sting with an HGH dealer, which was documented by Al Jazeera:

As part of the investigation, Collins connected with Charlie Sly, a pharmacist based in Austin, Texas, who worked at the Guyer Institute, the Indiana-based anti-aging clinic, in 2011.

Manning missed the 2011 season, when he was a member of the Indianapolis Colts, after undergoing neck surgery. In the documentary, Sly tells Collins, who is taking secret video of his interactions, that he was “part of a medical team that helped [Manning] recover” from the surgery. Sly alleges that the clinic mailed growth hormone and other drugs to Manning’s wife, Ashley Manning, so that the quarterback’s name was never attached to them.

“All the time we would be sending Ashley Manning drugs,” Sly says in the video. “Like growth hormone, all the time, everywhere, Florida. And it would never be under Peyton’s name, it would always be under her name.”

Manning and his wife also came to the clinic after its normal business hours for intravenous treatments, Sly tells Collins on the undercover video.

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Look, Turtleboy doesn’t care that Peyton Manning did steroids. Turtleboy doesn’t care that Al Jazeera broke this story, which more than likely means that Peyton Manning was getting his steroids from ISIS. Because everyone does steroids, and everyone does what they need to do to stay in the league for as long as they can.

All Turtleboy cares about is consistency. Here are Turtleboy’s demands:

  • All the Patriots butthurts out there want asterisks on our Super Bowls and our records. Well I want asterisks on the all the Colts participation banners then.
  • I want Peyton Manning’s wife publicly humiliated and brought into this like Giselle was:

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  • I want the Colts to surrender some first round draft picks, since more than likely they’d waste them on garbage players anyway.
  • I want Bob Kravitz to use this allegation, just like he did with deflategate, to get on Anderson Cooper so his kids will love him again.

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  • I want Ted Wells and a billion dollar investigation into HGH-Gate.
  • I want Chris Mortenson to make a up lie about Manning cheating, tweet it out to his millions of followers, and then never take that tweet down.

  • I want Mark Brunell to break down in tears knowing that his hero is cheater.
  • I want Peyton Manning to turn over his cell phone so we can find out how many times he contacted his HGH dealer and/or ISIS.
  • I want at least a four game suspension for Andrew Luck, since the Colts never paid their penance for Manning’s sins.
  • I want 24/7 coverage of this from ESPN.
  • I want a full apology from Mike Felger, Dan Shaughnessy, Tony Massarotti, Gregg Doyel, and everyone out there who hasn’t already decided that Manning is guilty, despite the fact that they instinctively assumed Brady was guilty of deflating footballs in a 45-7 blowout.
  • I want Gregg Doyel to admit he’s a page view, clickbating whore, not a real journalist, and loves being spanked like a school girl.

The fact that this isn’t a bigger deal already is because of one reason and one reason alone – Peyton Manning is the fat girl with a nice personality who never wins, and Tom Brady is the junior smokeshow who everyone thinks has life handed to her. But in reality, the junior smokeshow got that way because she went to the gym while the fat girl was nice to everyone.

If you don’t live in New England, it’s natural to like Manning and hate Tom Brady. Tom Brady is a beautiful human being who goes city to city assassinating and ripping the guts out of every football team in the league. Peyton Manning is the lovable loser with a bunch of passing records no one cares about who gives a good press conference.

Manning has of course denied this, which anyone would do. But obviously he is guilty. And unlike with PSI, HGH actually matters. Not one single game in NFL history has ever been influenced by the air pressure in a ball. Not one. But steroids, especially HGH, gives you an obvious advantage. The Al Jazeera report documents that the roids were being delivered in 2011. Gee whiz, what was Peyton doing in 2011? Oh yea, that was the year he sat out due to injury and the Colts purposely lost every game so they could get Andrew Luck with the first overall pick. AKA cheating.

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Then what magically happened to Peyton the next year? He had the best season of his career and smashed Brady’s touchdown record with 55 touchdowns. Yea, I’m sure HGH, which extended the careers of Barry Bonds, Marc McGwire, Roger Clemens, and tons of other players who dominated into their 40’s, had absolutely nothing to do with Peyton’s career renaissance in 2012.

Either way, the bottom line is that Peyton was at the very least “generally aware” that his wife was getting steroids from ISIS. And it’s “more probable than not” that Peyton was using HGH in 2012, especially since the league didn’t start testing until 2015.

Ho hum. Us against the world. Every day stories like this just prove what a scam “deflategate” was. Meanwhile we’ll be playing in, and most likely winning the Super Bowl this year without the help of HGH or PSI. Because that’s what you do when you have the greatest coach, tight end, and quarterback in NFL history on the same team. Oh yea, and our defense is fucking disgusting. Unstoppable. See ya in San Francisco in February.

 

 

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Click on the image to get your Turtleboy Sports Revolution hoodie or browse other merchandise from the Turtleboy store.

Click on the image to get your Turtleboy Sports Revolution hoodie or browse other merchandise from the Turtleboy store.

 

 

3 Comment(s)
  • BobnMic
    December 27, 2015 at 11:03 pm

    It’s only natural that if you eat chicken parm grinders and Papa John’s Pizza that your game (as an NFL Quarterback) will suck so fast that it’ll even affect brother Eli because that is that stupid.

    By the way; who the fuck names their boys Payton and Eli? Has anybody thought of this? Those fucking names sound like action figure alien enemy figure dolls trying to kill all of the Bobs, Steves, Johns, and Georges of the world. What the fuck is a Payton? And what the fuck is an Eli?

    What the fuck is mom’s name? Flangeritisgonewiththewindness?

  • cher
    December 27, 2015 at 5:54 pm

    Turtle boy feels so stupid now with the law suit outcome. He’s always the slowest to catch up to the facts.

  • Wabbitt
    wabbitt
    December 27, 2015 at 2:43 pm

    Everyone will continue to wash Manning’s balls because they’re just a bunch of hypocrites.

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