WTF

No One Has Ever Deserved To Die More Than Hippie Going To Syria To Sing To ISIS

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In today’s episode of “people who deserve to die” we bring you this gem of a story about a folk singer who is going directly into ISIS-controlled Syria to sing songs to ISIS on Monday:

An Oregon folk singer plans to leave next week to serenade the Islamic State, and he intends to bring the black-clad barbarians a prayerful message of peace — despite a warning from the State Department that his life could be in danger. James Twyman, of Portland, Ore., told FoxNews.com he feels a “calling” and believes he can soften the hearts of the Islamist army known for beheading Westerners, throwing gays off of buildings and summarily executing innocent women and children. 

See this people? This is what happens when “keeping it hippie goes wrong.” Seems like a fool proof plan though. What could possibly go wrong? Everyone knows that ISIS is especially fond of progressive Westerners who play the guitar. Why didn’t the State Department think of this years ago?

“It’s going to be pretty powerful,” Twyman said, referring to his plan to have those attending and others around the world sing and pray for peace at the same time. “When people come
together and focus on something in a positive way…there’s scientific evidence that it can change things for the better.”

That’s a great point James. I’m sure ISIS will “come together and focus on something in a positive way.” After all, this is what ISIS is famous for. 

Twyman leaves Jan. 20, and plans to stop in Italy before heading to Israel. From there, he will then cross over the northern border shared with Syria to a small Druze village. While that village, Majdal Shams, is occupied by Israel, Twyman said he has contacts there trying to set up a venue in ISIS-controlled territory. Either way, the show is set for Jan. 31.

And by his “contacts” he means people who pretend to like him but really want him to die. 

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Twyman said he will be joined by a large group of Jewish, Muslim and Christian leaders.

“Each one will lead the group in prayer from their religion,” he said. “It’s going to be pretty powerful.”

Oh good, Jews. Because radical fundamentalist Islam is well known to be accepting of Jews. 

The U.S. State Department placed heavy restrictions on travel to Syria ever since ISIS started occupying large regions throughout the Middle Eastern country.

“No part of Syria should be considered safe from violence,” reads the travel warning on the State Department website. “The potential for hostile acts exists throughout the country, including kidnappings and the use of chemical warfare against civilian populations.

Pish-posh. Calm down State Department. You obviously have no clue what you’re talking about. You’re just going about this all wrong. These violent terrorists are really just acting out because no one loves them. But instead of singing to them you’re trying to kill them. Feel the Bern. 

Twyman says that officials from the State Department reached out to him and urged him to cancel.

“They have advised me not to go,” he said.

Twyman believes he must go, despite the dangers.

“I’m no sort of hero, but I do believe in the power of this.”

Honestly, just let him go. This is just Darwinism in action. Anyone who thinks that they can win over ISIS by singing Blowing in the Wind simply wasn’t designed to live very long. I’m surprised he’s lasted as long as he has. As soon as ISIS sees this face:

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All they’re gonna be thinking is “free lunch.”

All I’m saying is, not a single ounce of effort should be put forth by the American government when his ass inevitably gets kidnapped. It blows my mind when I see Americans imprisoned in places like Iran, North Korea, and Syria. Here’s an idea – don’t go to fucked up countries. Ever. If you do, then there’s a good chance your ass is getting kidnapped. There’s over 300 million American citizens. We don’t have time to bail out every single one of them who plays with fired and gets burnt. Never mind the fact that American soldiers will almost definitely die in the process of rescuing your dumb hippie ass. 

Apparently this guy has tons of supporters too. His Facebook page has over 10,000 followers. Let’s check out what some of these geniuses are saying:

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Oh good, a Hindu prayer should keep him from getting his head chopped off. Definitely. 

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Ah yes, the “real” ISIS. Because the group that’s murdering everyone who won’t agree to follow Shariah Law isn’t the real ISIS. They’re just good kids who got caught up with the wrong crowd. Healing the masculine should fix them. 

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Good points. I’m sure ISIS will just take a break from throwing gay people off of buildings and raping 12 year olds because a white American shows up and starts singing Puff the Magic Dragon. 

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New rule – all of you must live under ISIS control for 24 hours. I’m sure you’ll all still feel that James Twyman can humanize these savages. 

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Yea Lori, why are you bringing all this realistic fear? If you focus on all the beheadings and calls to kill Americans it will only blind you. Living in hippie fantasy world is way more fun. 

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Yea, all those stupid bombs that are killing terrorists. What a waste of money. Our limited resources are much better spent bailing out hippies who play kumbaya with the most violent terrorist group in the world. 

Oh yea, and this guy’s music sucks too:

 

I hate  to say it, but I kind of can’t wait for the ISIS beheading video. 

 

 

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16 Comment(s)
  • TJ
    February 2, 2016 at 9:52 am

    > “Ah yes, the “real” ISIS. Because the group that’s murdering everyone who won’t agree to follow Shariah Law isn’t the real ISIS.”

    Hey Turtleboy, Mayana’s statement is actually even stupider than you think. When she says “invite the real Isis to return in her what-the-fuck-ever”, I think she is actually talking about the ancient Egyptian goddess Isis (only the first letter capitalized, “her” fullness).

    So I guess when you’re dealing with a bunch of kooks who consider Shiite Muslims to be heathens worthy of beheading, the best thing to do is send them some granola-crunching Druid to preach to them about the return of an ancient pagan goddess. At least the ISIS dudes would probably like her hairy armpits.

  • Steven Stover
    February 1, 2016 at 4:23 pm

    It was nice not knowing you.

  • Sweet Justice
    January 31, 2016 at 10:21 pm

    Let’s not wish for something terrible, everybody. I agree it is very dangerous and not very bright, but let’s not make a joke of this. His intentions might be good, OR he might be looking for his 15 minutes of fame….if he doesn’t get killed within 15 minutes. Keep us posted TB. I want to know what happens…so it’s up to your or FOX news to let us know.

  • Wabbitt
    wabbitt
    January 31, 2016 at 9:48 am

    This guy is going to be crying on Al Jazeera about an hour after he enters ISIS controlled territory.

    Who’s bringing popcorn?

  • Jafreese
    January 31, 2016 at 8:47 am

    To ISIS with love

  • Fatfinger Lou
    January 31, 2016 at 7:50 am

    Maybe they will play Jihadiball with his head, using the guitar as a bat.

  • Grump
    January 31, 2016 at 12:14 am

    After this guy gets his, maybe we can send them Ammon Bundy, too!

  • Devils Mouthpiece
    January 30, 2016 at 8:31 pm

    Collect the names of the morons supporting this douchnozzle on facebook and force every one of the fucktards to watch every second his execution. Their simple minds that reside in the land of rainbows and unicorns, will simply implode. We’re talking therapy for years because it just won’t compute.

  • bird
    January 30, 2016 at 7:49 pm

    Not one tax dollar should be spent to rescue this douchbag.

    • RELUCTANT TAXPAYER
      January 31, 2016 at 10:04 am

      No, but I’ll toss in 5 bucks to get him there. Theres got to be a Go Fund Me.

  • bird
    January 30, 2016 at 7:49 pm

    Not one tax dollar should be spent to rescue this douchbag.

  • BobnMic
    January 30, 2016 at 7:04 pm

    Dumb dumb dumb idea by this friggin’ guy. About as dumb as Dennis Rodman befriending North Korean leader Kim Jong Un. Hey assholes, leave the diplomacy to the professionals please. Not like they’re doing such a great job either but you idiots will fuck things up even more.

  • Common sense isn't so common
    January 30, 2016 at 5:43 pm

    Hey “Dude” Isis does not allow music BTW!!! Shariah laws prohibits it but anyway good luck in your travels..Great idea wish I thought of it….total “Rubba”.

  • Chris From Georgia
    January 30, 2016 at 4:37 pm

    This is my pick for this year’s Darwin Award!!!

  • John
    January 30, 2016 at 12:36 pm

    Hey at least this guy won’t be whipping out his acoustic guitar at parties and making everyone feel uncomfortable anymore after he gets halfway through Kumbaya and then savages cut off his head.

  • Ser Davos Seaworth
    January 30, 2016 at 12:29 pm

    Head looks like a bowling ball. Will roll nicely.

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