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So apparently in Poland there is a show called, “Poland’s Got Talent.” The name itself seems to be a contradiction according to every joke I learned in middle school. And this video from a Polish TV show this morning, in which one of the finalists was performing a “magic” trick, seems to confirm all the derogatory playground jokes. The magician had an upward facing ice pick in one of the bags. The magic trick involves having the pretty show host slam down on the bag of her choice, because there would be no ice pick in that bag. Except this Polish magician apparently screwed up the trick and bad Polish things happened. Warning NSFW:

In America our daytime television shows all involve a bunch of menopausal hens clucking about Trump. In Poland hot blondes stab themselves. Advantage Poland.

Could’ve told you that was gonna happen. Zero point zero percent chance I’m trusting a bald magician with a pony tail. Anyone who waked up in the morning and say, “this look is acceptable” is not someone I’m putting any trust in. Luckily it looks like she was taken to the hospital, got a bunch of shot, and according to a Facebook post, she’s gonna be OK:

When you grow up in a communist country, you’re just naturally tougher than Westerners. Most of us saw this video and cringed. But nobody in the video seemed to even think it was a big deal. I mean, just look at the magician’s face:

All he’s thinking about is how he fucked that trick up. He’s not worried, he’s disappointed in himself. The woman with the knife stuck in her hand? She’ll be fine. Meanwhile I traded 6 goats for my magician’s license and now I’m probably gonna lose it. Where did I go wrong? You got a knife stuck in your hand? TIP – This Is Poland. Shit happens in Poland. Better than getting invaded by the Nazis, or the Soviets, or whoever wants to take us over next decade.

Look at the bright side lady – if this was Russia’s Got Talent you would’ve had to smash your face into that knife. Could be worse.

Here’s the translation for you non-Polish speakers:

Magician: which bag do you want to hit?

Lady: Uhh… the middle one?

Guy: (to viewers) You know, sometimes such tricks actually fail, my blood pressure is really high right now…

Magician: It’s not the first time I’m doing this!

Lady: Yes?

Magician: It’s the second. The first time it didn’t work.

Lady: Jesus Christ.

Magician: You can put your hand on the top or on the bottom, which one do you prefer?

Lady: On the top, I’m scared…

Guy: Come on Marzenka, be tough, it would be just one little hole!

Magician: I’ll count to three, okay? Be careful. One, two..

Lady: (Screams)

Magician: Fuck! I’m sorry. I pierced your hand. (to the guy) I really pierced her hand. I’m sorry!

Lady: Oww, that hurts!

Guy: Please tell me it’s not real, that it’s just a trick…?

Magcian: Thank you very much, we’re going off the air.

Lady: Ow.

Magician: Come on.

For what it’s worth, this was the way that trick was supposed to be done, as performed by David Blaine:

As you can see, the magician is the one who is supposed to slam the bag down, because if you’re gonna risk someone’s health, it should probably be your own. We prefer the Polish version. Especially if it’s Kanye West or Will Smith’s stupid kid smashing their hand down on the bag.

P.S. Does every male talk show host in Poland dress like Alladin?

Cool vest man.

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