All-Star Criminals

Power Crackhead Couple From Taunton Rob A Mansfield Stop And Shop In Ultimate Heroin Bender

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In a story so bizarre and twisted that a bloodhound couldn’t follow it – we end up at the Taunton Red Roof Inn (which is the punchline to many-a joke in it’s own right), where two of tomorrow’s bright stars orchestrated a crime spree (for lack of a better definition) which began at the Stop and Shop deli and ended with a young man trying to shimmy through a hotel air duct, and a beautiful young girl trying to intentionally overdose on heroin.

Let me be the first to say, that this story is truly more tragic than funny. In many cases, I really do have sympathy for some drug addicts, and these two led police on a trail of desperation and insanity that indicates they clearly were not in their right minds. Nevertheless, they were two people that had become a danger to society and that needed to be taken off the street, and now hopefully they can get the help that they so obviously need.

In summary from the Taunton Gazette, the two perpetrators shoplifted from a nearby Stop and Shop, and were caught racing back to their room at the Red Roof Inn with the stolen food. Once back at the hotel, the police knocked on the door, and heard movement inside the room, but received no answer. Then the female – a young beautiful 21-year-old girl named Lauren Emery who has clearly seen better days

Screen Shot 2015-06-21 at 11.47.09 PM Screen Shot 2015-06-21 at 11.44.19 PM

– apparently called police and falsely reported that she was being held captive on the other side of town, in an attempt to get police to leave the Inn and investigate the other incident.

Naturally this ridiculous “plan” just kept getting worse. Police determined the report to be fake and eventually evacuated the other guests at the hotel. After a brief stand-off, the male, Joey Baptista, who needs a haircut even worse than he needs Narcan, managed to crawl through an air duct into an adjoining room in an attempt to escape, while Lauren Emery informed police that she would intentionally overdose on heroin. Mind you, this is all over a freakin’ shoplifting charge at Stop and Shop! Eventually the SWAT team busted in and arrested the two Rhodes scholars and they were charged with multiple crimes.

Kids, if heroin gets you this screwed up in the head, stay far far away!

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23 Comment(s)
  • Mariah
    July 21, 2015 at 12:30 pm

    I know this girl. She was staying in a house that her aunt owned but the aunt wasn’t living there. Her aunt is dying of cancer and let all the drug addicts in the family stay in the house but wasn’t charging any of them rent. They were using the house to prostitute the herion addicted girls and they destroyed the house. The police were there on a daily basis until somebody from the family smartened up and threw all of them out on there ass’s. I believe Lauren’s father is a well known contractor from Abington.

  • BobnMic
    June 23, 2015 at 11:03 pm


  • BobnMic
    June 23, 2015 at 10:58 pm

    Ok got a little weird there. My neighbor came over and we did shots like we did in college. And then we screamed about really nothing. But it was loud. And it was funny as far as we were concerned. And that was it.

  • BobnMic
    June 23, 2015 at 9:59 pm

    My eyeballs are fine and there is no pot smoking and yes I have been married for 650 years but Ton Brady is innocent. I swear.

  • BobnMic
    June 23, 2015 at 9:52 pm

    No fuck it. I got thick skin GoneWest my man. Shit I’ve been married for like one hundred fucking years, I still love her, but shit man I’ve been throught EVERYTHING…….. but in the end it is all good. ahh it’s all good… Now I smoke pot because of my eyeballs. Just kidding.

  • christine
    June 22, 2015 at 6:53 pm

    Wow….just wow…!!!! People these days!!!!

  • TurtleBoySpurts
    June 22, 2015 at 1:02 pm

    Actually, I think ol’ COB’s eyeing the boyfriend for a little salad tossing.

    • BobnMic
      June 22, 2015 at 1:36 pm

      That is so wrong on so many levels… 😀

      • TurtleBoySpurts
        June 22, 2015 at 1:46 pm

        Aw, c’mon, put your homophobia aside and you double your possibilities. ;-0

      • BobnMic
        June 22, 2015 at 1:48 pm

        Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

        • GoneWest
          June 22, 2015 at 8:26 pm

          Bob skips to the comments section just to see if COB said his famous line

          • Wabbitt
            June 23, 2015 at 3:06 am

            A page view is a page view.

          • BobnMic
            June 23, 2015 at 1:47 pm

            Just having a little fun that’s all.

          • GoneWest
            June 23, 2015 at 7:08 pm

            Bob, of course, that’s why we’re all here. I was just having a little fun at your expense. Well when I say everyone I mean everyone other than Spurts AKA Jeffrey Neal. Maybe Caitlyn Jenner is to Bruce Jenner as Jeffrey Neal is to Joyce McNickles

  • BobnMic
    June 22, 2015 at 11:05 am

    COB do not do your thing with this one. She’s a junkie and her Fart Box is so tainted. So so wrong in the world of tongue punching Fart Boxes… 🙁

  • TurtleBoySpurts
    June 22, 2015 at 8:20 am

    The S.W.A.T. team was called in to deal with a couple of shoplifters? Give me a fucking break. How about an article about the wussification of law enforcement?

    • StickinToMyOpinion
      June 22, 2015 at 10:10 am

      Baldino: Want an article on law enforcement? Just make one up in your fictional blog.

      • TurtleBoySpurts
        June 22, 2015 at 10:20 am

        Apparently there’s still one moron who thinks I’m Baldino. I swear this guy must jack off to Carlo’s photo.

        • StickinToMyOpinion
          June 22, 2015 at 7:01 pm

          The only one who would jack off to Carlo’s photo, is Carlo. You’re a psychopath.

  • File under WTF
    June 22, 2015 at 3:43 am

    If that pretty girl in the selfie is the same burned out blister in the blue scrubs, then the before and after should be made into a poster for health classes.

    • TurtleBoySpurts
      June 22, 2015 at 9:18 am

      Hey, WTF, does Janice Harvey know you’ve stolen her identity?

    • anthony
      July 3, 2015 at 8:06 pm

      Yup. Thats her. She is my cousin, and I will pimpin her out in Brockton

  • Leo
    June 21, 2015 at 11:31 pm

    I’m not even mad, I’m impressed.

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