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I noticed today that it was really cold outside. I’m SHOCKED that Ferguson protesters are taking the day off. Shocked. But last night they were all nestled in to the Worcester City Council meeting where councillor Konnie Lukes proposed one of the most common sense declarations in world history. The proposal puts the council on record in support of the Worcester Police Department and “the department’s high level of professionalism, leadership in community relations and dedication to the citizens of Worcester.” It’s not a law or a piece of legislation. It’s literally just a common sense statement reassuring the Worcester Police that they’re not the savages that they’re being portrayed to be by the protesters who have been holding decent people hostage for the last two months.

But of course this was a calling card for the regular collection of muffs to come down and talk about their usual protest gibbrish in front of a crowd. Seriously, theses people are just attracted to microphones like magnets. They see one and they can’t resist yelling, “institutional racimsm” and “white privilege” into it.

I wasn’t at the meeting but I watched it on TV. We do however have footage from people that were there. The place was swarming with cops. Why wouldn’t they be there? They’re going to a public meeting that was honoring one of their finest for an act of heroism last month. The protesters have said a lot of shit about cops whenever they get the chance, but they never seem to mention officer Justin Benes, who last month disarmed a known criminal with a loaded unregistered handgun while on a routine stop, while the suspect resisted him and reached for the firearm. He put himself in crazy amounts of danger, and it easily could’ve ended differently. He took a chance, and luckily everyone turned out OK.

That’s what this meeting was about. It was about honoring this police officer. Officer Bennes should be the MODEL of what these protesters supposedly want. A cop who didn’t shoot when he was justified to do so. A cop who gave a violent criminal with a loaded weapon the benefit of the doubt. A cop who viewed this kid as a human being and did all he could to make sure the kids’ life was preserved.

This is supposedly the type of police officer the protesters want. But it’s not, because they were at the meeting not to support this police officer, but to take a steamy hippie dump on his head. Because at the end of the day they don’t want cops to be good cops, because then they’ll have nothing to bitch about. These people need something to bitch about like a baby needs that sweet, sweet, delicious lactation slurpy.

My girl Sonya Conner was there tonight and she actually said, and I quote, “It’s time to stop investing in the police.” She basically said what we’ve known about the protesters the whole time – they just hate police and pretend to want anarchy. Well, they don’t REALLY hate police. They just say this stuff because they heard it in a Mos Def song and then they threw a pound sign in front of it on Twitter so it became the Goddamn Magna Carta. But we all know that these dolts wouldn’t survive five seconds without the police.

Like I said, I couldn’t make it down there. Turtleboy Jr. has a little cold. But I know someone who was going and they took some good footage of what went down. After Officer Bennes received his award it was time for everyone to speak. The tension was high and everyone was ready for the protesters to give it to the cops.

The first person to get up was a little old lady. She spoke for at least 15 minutes about something involving a committee that had nothing to do with the protesters and cops. Everyone was bored, confused, and disappointed. The Mayor tried to shoo her along but then she scolded him that he would have to wait until she was done speaking. Because apparently that’s how politics works in Worcester. Little old ladies punk the Mayor. It was awesome.

Finally it was time for the protesters. There was a line out the freaking door. Who do you think was gonna be first up? Take a wild guess. If you said this guy:

then you’re the Turtleboy grandmaster champion!! Unfortunately there were no hot poetry takes, unlike the other day when they raised $350 in bail money for Ferguson looters/rioters:

Hey I know how I’m gonna get people to take me seriously – I’m gonna keep my hat on. Because we haven’t been taught since we were five freaking years old that gentlemen take their hat off in a building.

Next up was a guy named Michael Jerry, who introduced himself as the leader of the “Anti-white supremacy league.” Thank God that exists in Worcester, or else white people would be running buck wild around here.

Note to self – next time I go to speak in front of the City Council on an issue that is supposedly very serious and important to me, make sure to pack a pink hand towel and tuck it into the back of my jeans in case I get hit with a water balloon.

Next up was what I call “the face of the protesters.” A young white woman who admits she’s from the burbs and basically never met any black people until she went to college. It was at university that she became an expert in all things African-America, because as she pointed out, several of her friends were black. She started crying when she told the story about one of her African-American friends who wouldn’t go to New York on NYE because she was too scared a cop would kill her. She ACTUALLY said that and cried while doing so. It was hilarious because everyone in the room knew it wasn’t true. Either that didn’t happen or her friend was also an attention seeking, look-at-me, yahoo. She was holding back imaginary white privilege tears the whole time:

Poor girl. It must be rough to walk around with all that white guilt. How do you get through the day? She did however, incorporate both “institutional racism” and “white privilege” into her speech, which got someone down in front to yell “BINGO” as all of their squares had been picked on their protester card. Now I don’t know if you noticed, but there is a white woman in the bottom right hand corner of the nodding her head during this speech in approval. Does anyone recognize this woman?

How about now?

Ding, ding, ding!! You knew Dr. Professor Prime Minister Her Excellence The Fifth Sonya Conner wasn’t gonna miss a chance to get in front of a microphone and label an entire police force as racist, in a city that she’s called home for less time than 95% of Worcester kindergarteners. Sure, she is a carpterbagger who’s only living in Worcester because she got a job (professor at Worcester State) molding the easiest minds to manipulate on earth – college students. But we won’t hold that against her.

I do have a confession to make though. I am madly in love with this woman. Yea, I know, ideologically we probably won’t ever align. But man, she just does it for me. I have been holding it in this whole time, but now the world knows – I love her. That spunk, that attitude….so hot. Mrs. Turtleboy is the love of my life and I will always love her with all my heart. But I’m so conflicted. Now I know how Katie Holmes felt on Dawson’s Creek.

Anyway, she got up and delivered a real barn-burner:

Uhhhh. So confident. Undeniable sassiness. I think I need a cold bath. I mean, she just took a dump on cops AND teachers all in one breath there. I’m not even mad. That’s amazing.

The funniest part about the council meeting was when they said that each speaker gets two minutes. I don’t think I saw a single person speak for less than ten. They really need to install a buzzer, or a slime bucket that falls on you, or a trap door underneath your feet, or something like that if you go over 120 seconds.

The protesters got more and more hilarious. One after another the same 10-15 people you see every time you open the paper got up to speak. The theme was the same in every speech though – they all had a friend who told them about a time a Worcester cop was racist to them. And obviously their friends are telling them the truth because if there’s one thing about people who habitually run into trouble with law enforcement, it’s that they never, ever lie.

One of these speakers was a nice girl name Keesha. She’s the one who organized this whole protest by writing an angry email to Konnie Lukes. She had this to say in that email: “I have looked locally and I am finding it difficult to find one news article or other resource where there is evidence of police bashing has taken place,”

Bro, do you even ride the turtle? That’s like what we’ve written about in at least 55% of our blogs for the last two months.

Up next was Chris Robarge, the head of the most useless and misused organization in America – the ACLU.

I like the ACLU and what it stands for. I’m 100% for free speech, so long as it doesn’t harm anyone. The ACLU could be a really valuable tool for people in society who have their free speech rights infringed upon because of their profession. Instead they use their limited resources to defend the worst of the worst at all costs – criminals. Their #1 priority is being agitators for criminals at the expense of the hard working men and women who chose to pursue a career in law enforcement.

He got the ball really rolling when he turned around and pointed to the police in the balcony saying that the cops, “were ready to go to war.” Because apparently the Worcester Police Department isn’t allowed to go to municipal function in which one of their brothers was being honored while wearing their uniforms, because it will damage the delicate sensibilities of the ACLU. See that’s the problem right there. Normal people look at the cops and think, “Good, I’m safe. And I’m glad I left my pot in the car.” But when the protesters see the cops they think, “Hey I can yell at them for no reason, instigate a non-existent race war, and then hide behind the first amendment, which only applies to people I agree with on everything.”

The next protester at least had some swag. I have to say, this guy could dress. I’m not even kidding either. Here’s wearing turtle green, that’s right up my alley. And his words had swagger too. I mean, just check out my girl Professor Conner’s head bobing back in forth in agreement (bottom right) as soon as he says, “that’s what it’s like to be black:”

I’m telling you, she knows what it’s like to be black. She read all about it in a Langston Hughes poem.

The MVP of the night, and my new hero was this lady:

She stole the show. Got up there, was asked her name three times, and just kept on talking. After she gave a speech about….something involving Fitchburg and paraplegics, she turned around and did the sign of the cross in front of the crowd, like she just returned a punt for a touchdown. And the crowd went WILD!!

After a couple more hippies came up it was time for the cops to get their say. Turtle rider and Worcester Police detective Tom Daly delivered the hippie beat down I’d been waiting for. He called them out on all their bullshit. He told stories about what their fraud brothers and sisters in solidarity were chanting about police – wishes of death. That of course caused a whole hippie commotion. And even though Robert B-G had already had his turn at the mike, he couldn’t resist trying to speak over the former Jesse Burkett Little League coach from 2002 Little League World Series:

Needless to say he got a nice ovation from the crowd:

“Unless you’re saying all lives matter, you’re a hypocrite.” Couldn’t have said it better if I tried. Ya see that fire in the union leader? That’s why cops get paid more than teachers. Because they’re led by people like that. I swear, if he wanted to at that point he could’ve gotten the crowd to sack England and usurp the King.

Finally it was the City Council’s turn. Now I don’t really follow local politics, but I might have to switch up the agenda. And the first person I’m gonna back is Konnie Lukes, because she gave these hippies a stern talking to:

It was awesome. The protesters were mature and responsible and heard her out too. LOL, I’m just kidding. They put signs in front of their face:

You know when your kid sticks his fingers in his ears and says, “I can’t hear you?” Yea this is what adults do instead. She basically told them, instead of standing in traffic like idiots, why don’t you frauds run for office so you can actually get something done? For whatever reason the hippies stood up and started clapping like they were actually gonna take out the papers and run. LOL. But we all know that’s never gonna actually happen. Waaaayyyyyyy too much work.

Konnie was NOT impressed with their shenanigans:

Because if there’s one thing about Konnie Lukes, it’s that she’s not gonna get pushed around by a rag tag collection of carpetbaggers and grown men with hats on. They repeatedly asked her to take the resolution off the table, which made her even more determined to get it passed.

Then all the other councillors had their say and I realized why I don’t give a shit about politics. All politics is is a bunch of people who like to hear themselves talk. I watched as eight more people got up and said the same thing in eight different ways. They were all supposed to get one brief say. After everyone went once, they started round two, because apparently there are just no rules at Worcester City Council meetings. But none of the other councillors yelled at the protesters like Konnie did, because they’re politicians. It was blah, blah, blah, blah, I know a cop, blah, blah, I know black people, blah, blah, I like everyone. One councillor even said, “I have nothing left to say because councilor Rivera said it all” but it didn’t stop him from talking for another ten minutes.

Just when it looked like it was gonna get voted on, pass, and we’d move on with our day, councillor Rick Rushton got up to speak:“Mr. Rushton said the men and women of the Worcester Police Department deserve credit for putting their lives on the line. But he said residents who have concerns deserve to be heard as well.”

Wait……what?? This guy is so Worcester it hurts. Residents who have concerns deserve to be heard as well? Did I miss something? Was he out in the back smoking a dubey when RBG and the crew lectured us all about institutional racism? Apparently this genius wanted to “hold the item” (terms like that make me even more disinterested in politics), unless the council also voted on ANOTHER resolution that acknowledged the fact that we all heard the protesters concerns. So basically there was a three hour meeting and at the last minute an elected official sabotaged it and the whole night was wasted. This is why democracy sucks.

Newsflash – it’s kind of impossible NOT to have heard their concerns. They’ve blocked Lincoln Square, killed two cops, played hide and seek on the the Mass Pike, assaulted cops on the Brooklyn Bridge, and interrupted an award’s ceremony for a 100 year old World War 2 veteran. I mean, what freaking planet is this dingleberry living on where he hasn’t heard their concerns? Did you see this picture?

He’s holding a God damn megaphone. Everyone heard him. We heard him all in the way in Wooster, Ohio. Just another politician trying to kiss everyone’s ass. Hey Ricky, I got news for ya – there’s like 25 of these people left, and probably 10 of them will vote. This is why you’re always coming in sixth.

One thing became clear to me after watching all this unfold on TV – Turtleboy needs to have official endorsements for the November elections. We’d be stupid not to. Turtleboy Sports Revolution is the voice for the people who are already thinking what we write and can’t say it out loud for fear of losing their jobs. But the point is that 50,000 people read Turtleboy Sports today because it gives them an outlet. It gives the people hope that there are other people out there who still believe in common sense and respect police officers. With this army of tens of thousands we pretty much have political control over the city. We can decide who gets elected and who doesn’t. So Worcester politicians take note, if you want to be on the Turtleboy ticket in November you need to be very clear what side you’re on. So far I know that Konnie Lukes will be getting our endorsement, and Rick Rushton will be setting pins at the bowling alley at this time next year.

Feel free to share your thoughts to keep the conversation going.

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