Ratchepotamus Hits Teen Mom In Head Several Times While Holding New Chudstuffer’s Love Child

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Let’s take a ride to Broken Bow, a small town of 4,000 residents located in the Southeast corner of Oklahoma. The city is locally known for its Tyson Chicken processing plant, booming timber industry and world class deer hunting. In fact, the deer hunting is so good that they’ve dubbed themselves the “Deer Capital of the World”. Impressive! They’re also home to one of the best high school football teams in the state, the Savages.

However, in the past week Broken Bow has received worldwide attention for one of their off-field Savages named Saybra Nicole.

What did this Southern Blumpkin do to get the Turtleboy treatment? Let’s go to the tape:

I’ve watched that video at least 30 times, and the sound of that slap still makes my butthole pucker.

People in the comments are saying that Saybra was calculated in not wearing shoes in order to avoid an A&B with a deadly weapon charge (shod foot).  Sorry, I don’t buy it.  No shoes, a men’s XL t-shirt and booty shorts that barely cover your dumpster-butt is the official apparel of ratchets in Podunk Oklahoma.

Saybra and her friend verbally berated, then physically assaulted Janie McCoy while she was holding her 6 month old child. Five days went by without anyone being arrested, so Janie’s father Jeremy posted the video to his Facebook page in an effort to draw attention to the incident.  As of this writing the video has been up for less than 3 days and has over 7.5 million views, 152k shares, 76k comments, and 21k angry face emojis.

The Internet had spoken, and it was not happy.  People from all over the world were inviting Shoeless Hoe Jackson and her friend Marvelous Marvin Haggard to come to their neck of the woods for a Donnybrook.

The last comment had me howling.  Danielle is like the Mother Theresa of Ratchet Stomping.  She’s considerate enough to feed you a meal of solid foods before personally making you eat through a straw for the foreseeable future.

I spent hours scrolling through the thousands of comments on this video.  People from every walk of life went to the comment section to spew their hatred for Saybra, but something didn’t feel right.  Where the hell was the “Free my Boi” squad?!?!  We’ve seen them defend drug dealers, rapists, Backpage Hookers, murderers and even a driveway paving gypsy-cult.  Surely somewhere in this pile of death threats and fight challenges there was an “Only God Can Judge” or “You don’t know her”. Nope. Not One.  But while the “Free My Boi” squad was a no call/no show, a new outfit burst onto the scene.  Ladies and Gentleman, introducing the “Woodah” crew.

There isn’t a definitive answer as to why this assault took place, but the general consensus is that Janie’s Baby-daddy is now burying his love-bone in Saybra’s cock socket.  I couldn’t find his name, but he’s totally in the picture. Well, 3 pictures:

There’s no way that Saybra and Low-Rent Questlove didn’t do that cliche hand-on-the-glass thing.

After the video was posted, a Change.org campaign started circulating:

Amazingly, all of the attention brought on by the video and online petition led to an arrest on Tuesday.  The charges aren’t clear yet, but many are hoping for Child Endangerment on top of the assault charge.  Saybra must have been so relieved to get clinked.  You know you fucked up when a jail cell is safer than being on the streets.

No other arrest have been made yet, but I don’t see how Saybra’s sidekick the Pug-Ugly Pugilist can walk away unscathed. Apparently she goes by Landa Cat on Facebook, and works at the previously mentioned Tyson processing plant.  There hasn’t been any confirmation on this yet, but considering she deleted her account once Saybra was in front of a Judge, it’s safe to say it’s her.  Here’s a screenshot I was able to grab from the comments of Landa in her church clothes.

You can clearly see Saybra’s hands down in this frame from the video, so it’s only matter of time before Landa gets dragged out of a pool of chicken gizzards and hauled in on charges as well.

In this day and age the Internet is a virtual war zone, and comment threads are the battlefields where people defend their beliefs.  Antifa vs. Nazis. Democrats vs. Republicans. Dogs vs. Cats. Coke vs. Pepsi.  “Disease” vs. Addiction.  In a world that is full of conflict, it warms my heart to know that we can still put aside our differences and collectively give a ratchet a solid bashering.