Hoodrat Heroes

Somerset Snatch Donkey Who Held Fundraiser For School Committee Campaign Despite Coronavirus Shutdown Also Says Teachers Are “Greedy Fucks” Who Should Take Salary Cuts


Every day now I wake up to an inbox full of stories about local idiots doing ratchet things regarding coronavirus. Today’s first winner is Jess Machado from Somerset:

She’s apparently running for School Committee in town and decided to have a campaign fundraiser at a restaurant last night, despite the fact that there’s a national emergency from an infectious disease that only gets spread when people have large gatherings together.

If you wanna help a restaurant out then by a gift card you dolt. But of course this has nothing to do with helping a business out and everything to do with not losing out on a fundraiser for your stupid campaign for School Committee in a town that no one cares about. You’re selfishly doing something that increases the chances that the disease will spread to more people, which completely defeats the purpose of other people staying inside. If we all don’t do it, then the disease is gonna keep spreading. In doing so you risk overcrowding our hospitals and exposing healthcare workers to the disease.

Of course she’s hiding behind the whole, “iM tRyInG tO HeLp sMaLl bUsInEsSeS” bullshit.

Bitch please. You know damn well you’re not doing this for the restaurant, which should also be ashamed for hosting this event. Their livelihoods don’t hinge on your stupid campaign event.

And just when I thought she couldn’t get more ratchet I went and hear her policy on teacher’s salaries.

“Teachers make way too much money and they’re a bunch of greedy fucks who probably should be working year round and if they don’t they should take a significant pay cut.”

Bitch, I’d like to see you teach for one week. Just one week. You wouldn’t last a second, largely because any kid who passed the 8th grade is already smarter than you. Teachers, for the most part, do work all year round. I was one for 11 years, and I used the summer to plan, research, read, and get better at my job. I made less than $60,000 a year when I left with a Master’s Degree. The idea that some snatch donkey like this gets to dictate what professional educators should get paid is madness.

But it’s OK, because she totally supports teachers now.

Of course this clam sells Herbalife and is friends with Juicy Jasiel too.

If you’ve ever been on the bottom rung of a pyramid scheme it’s understandable how you’d fall for a professional con-artist like Juicy Jasiel.

In fairness though, the lone policy take we agree on is our belief that calling people cunts is a good thing.

The difference is that I’m not trying to run the public schools or actively spreading coronavirus for money.


Please consider supporting local journalism by donating to the Turtle fund:

Follow us on Youtube, SoundCloud, Twitter, and Facebook.

Hello Turtle Riders. As you know if you follow Turtleboy we are constantly getting censored and banned by Facebook for what are clearly not violations of their terms of service. Twitter has done the same, and trolls mass reported our blog to Google AdSense thousands of times, leading to demonitization. We can get by and survive, but we could really use your help. Please consider donating by hitting the PayPal button above if you’d like support free speech and what we do in the face of Silicon Valley censorship. Or just buy our award winning book about the dangers of censorship and rise of Turtleboy: 


54 Comment(s)
  • Aveeno
    August 21, 2021 at 8:54 am

    Jess has been an insane troublemaker for years. Believe it or not when we were kids she was quiet and skinny. I always felt bad for her because her dad was a drunk.

    Anyone who knows her has received insane text messages or phone calls from her in freak out mode.

    Right now she’s awaiting trial for harassment and also has involved herself in some other case (also harassment) with convicted mayor Jasiel and some other politicians. It’s something about destroying signs.

    She needs to go away or at least realize what a train wreck she is and focus on her kids.

  • Ray Patriarca
    Sweet memories!
    March 20, 2020 at 9:06 am

    I love the tongue out, one eye shut pics she posts!
    It reminds me of the look she gave me after I blasted her face with baby-batter!

  • Coastal Consignment
    March 18, 2020 at 12:58 pm

    Jess Cabral Machado tan a consignment store in Somerset and took a FROED loan. After she closed the business people didn’t get paid or get their stuff back. There was a lot of drama about it.

    She’s a known crazy bitch who has robbed and stolen and freaked out on more people than anyone could count.

  • Richyrich
    March 18, 2020 at 7:02 am

    Odd, when I imagine “greedy fucks”, public school teachers don’t come to mind. This person is a tool bag.

    • J
      March 18, 2020 at 7:33 am

      Teachers lost me when they created that huge stink several years ago over being required to undergo math and reading competency evaluations. Turned out a lot of them could barely write a sentence or do even basic math, yet it was supposedly an outrage that they’d be held to a set of minimal standards in order to teach children. It also doesn’t help garner much sympathy for their plight when they get paid exactly the same whether their students get A’s or F’s, and firing one for poor performance is harder than deposing an African Dictator.

  • Turd Reversalist
    March 18, 2020 at 3:26 am

    I bet I can get her to make funny faces.
    Roll over, Sweetie.
    ( )*( ) —> ( )O( )

  • Silencio Dogood
    March 17, 2020 at 11:38 pm

    Sounds like her boy Elroy is pulling the strings, punching the buttons, but in the end this could be a Darwinian learning experience for the kids.

  • Lipstickhippie
    Lipstick Hippie
    March 17, 2020 at 8:35 pm

    I guaran-fuckin-tee that if this twat ends up catching the Coronavirus from her fundraiser, she’ll be bragging about how she’s a martyr for those who’s livelihood she was protecting by holding the damn thing to begin with.

    And bitch please, keep your tongue in your mouth. Nobody wants to see your nasty knob polisher.

  • Josie
    March 17, 2020 at 6:49 pm

    Trying to save time and brain cells so only reading and commenting on headlines. Your right fuck the teachers they waisted there time and possibly money and all we taxpayers got was malcontents.

    • george costanza
      The angry taint
      March 17, 2020 at 11:09 pm

      It’s wasted you dolt, what teacher fucking failed you?

  • Two Pump Chump
    March 17, 2020 at 5:51 pm

    I’d like to rawdog her and let it fly in her

  • Nick Pirelli
    March 17, 2020 at 3:46 pm

    I’d forcibly eat her ass

  • Caiaphas
    March 17, 2020 at 3:44 pm

    “Teachers, for the most part, do work all year round. I was one for 11 years, and I used the summer to plan, research, read, and get better at my job.”
    “For the most part.”

    Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!

    I married into a family of public school teachers, and I goddamn guarantee you they, and most of their colleagues, shift right into Jimmy Buffett mode well before they hit day 180…if they ever even left it last summer. That’s not even factoring in all the “personal days” and “sick time” they have coming to them whether they need it or not.

    You’re not pulling in lobster traps, harvesting crops, framing a building, snaking a drain, fixing an alternator, painting a house, putting out a fire, rolling up on a gangstered-out Nissan on 495 N at 1:45 AM, mowing lawns, flying helicopters, or pointing a chimney…you’re teaching kids, indoors. The worst part of your day is dealing with kids and administrators acting like dicks, and for that you go around thinking you deserve the CMOH, because other than you, nobody in the world has to deal with any friction at all.

    With your 2/3 of a full working year salary, which equates to many salaries for a full year’s worth of work, plus the sweet bennies you get being a public sector employee, you are more that adequately compensated by society.

    Come down off that cross, TurtleBoy. You seem to enjoy it up there quite a bit, recently.

    • randiguy2006
      It blows
      March 17, 2020 at 5:16 pm

      Teaching these days suck more than you can image. Not physically of course.

      It’s an impossible job. 3/4 of the kids are on meds, 1/4 cant speak English, the parents either are missing or over bearing assholes, administration is inept, supplies are non-existent. You cant discipline the bad kids, you are told to just pass them on. And if the brats don’t score well on standardized test its your fault. Its mentally mind numbing.

      I’m not saying your job is easy, just that teaching isn’t what you think it is anymore. And you don’t keep your job unless you get your Master$ degree

      • Erin
        March 17, 2020 at 8:42 pm

        Spot on.

      • Caiaphas
        March 18, 2020 at 9:44 am

        Frustrating work conditions, pain in the ass clients, tools not good enough for the job at hand, unreasonable performance expectations, management that spends more time getting in the way than helping move things along…it’s almost as if teachers have the exact same work environment as 95% of those who work for a living. The martyr complex is completely unwarranted.

    • Erin
      March 17, 2020 at 10:27 pm

      You married a shitty teacher.

      • Erin
        March 17, 2020 at 10:31 pm

        That wasn’t meant for you, sorry!

      • Caiaphas
        March 18, 2020 at 9:46 am

        I married into a family with many public school teachers, Erin. I didn’t marry a public school teacher.

        Reading comprehension, hun.

    • Gym Teacher
      March 19, 2020 at 11:11 am

      I challenge you to substitute teach for one day. You would get your ass absolutely kicked.

  • murdochpatsymcreynolds
    Alex Reimer
    March 17, 2020 at 2:57 pm

    Gerry Callahan is my power bottom! Oooooooh!

    • Steve Buckley
      March 17, 2020 at 3:23 pm

      He’d love to be spit roasted if you’d like to team up.

      • Steve DeOssie
        March 17, 2020 at 4:24 pm

        Hey, it’s two in the pink, one in the stink. Two for me, one for Gerry

      • murdochpatsymcreynolds
        Alex Reimer
        March 17, 2020 at 7:04 pm


  • randiguy2006
    March 17, 2020 at 2:46 pm

    The hardest part about is teaching is not diddling the kids.

    Right TB?

  • whatevuh
    March 17, 2020 at 2:19 pm

    This is why I hate politicians, and anyone that even seems like a politician, local, state and federal – they can all bend over and kiss my fuckin’ ass

  • Ray Patriarca
    Ray Patriarca
    March 17, 2020 at 2:17 pm

    What a cunt !

  • Dr. Nofucks to Give
    March 17, 2020 at 1:55 pm

    That right there is a beast of burden. I bet her farts stink too. . .

  • Machado Third World
    March 17, 2020 at 1:11 pm

    Like my cum catcher face.

  • Boston Globe sales will soar
    March 17, 2020 at 1:11 pm

    Did my weekly food shopping trip the entire paper goods aisle is empty. No paper towels, tissues, tp nothing. Its because of gutter ratchets buying it all out in price gouging schemes to make money for heroin and other drugs. Even if shoppers bought one extra pack each the supplies would replenish. I hope these greedy ratchet bastards have a room full of toilet paper and paper towels they can’t sell or give away for the next 2 years. Fuck them, they’re economic terrorists but I’m not worried that’s what Boston Globe is for

  • Long day?
    March 17, 2020 at 1:08 pm

    Aren’t you in court today awaiting your TBS destiny? Today is the day Attorney Leontire bankrupts and destroys the high and mighty turtle. Don’t forget to update us like you did when Haddasah WAS granted her harassment order you so conveniently failed to update riders about. You revealed it on a live and a blog she won it. Get a grip turtledick. You are all done. Turtleboy bankruptcy then next divorce court. Poor meg. Get a raincoat next time you sick prick.

    • chill bitch
      March 17, 2020 at 1:14 pm

      ^^^ Kate “Bristol” Peters without her meds.

  • Snarky Pete
    March 17, 2020 at 12:50 pm

    Its time to bring back the ice bucket challenge. So many folks like TB running around with their hair on fire.

  • Lee Ho
    March 17, 2020 at 12:24 pm

    No one is asking her the important questions.

    Like, does she enjoy Chinese Food?

    • push 4 for Ingrish
      March 17, 2020 at 1:17 pm

      And what is her opinion on transgender bathrooms, men in women’s bathrooms, gay marriage, polygamy legalized drugs, prostitution, free college for anyone, no borders and illegal aliens go first.

  • Taxpayer,with no lubrications
    March 17, 2020 at 12:05 pm

    Teachers all make too much for the hours worked,and everyone of them know it.and lets face the facts they are doing a shitty job

    • hartf811
      Father Dimmock
      March 17, 2020 at 12:52 pm

      Should have done your homework in school Huh?

  • WarWack
    March 17, 2020 at 11:58 am

    If I had rat teeth like her I’d make funny faces all of the time.
    In regards to her abject selfishness; what a fat cunt. 2 years of sitting at school board meeting with an eye to start you political career out the window in 1 swift post. Moron.

  • Captain Obvious
    March 17, 2020 at 11:58 am

    Teachers always bitching about how much they make. You work 180 days a year. You think teaching is hard? Try doing a trade for a week and see how long you last.

    • hartf811
      Captian Obvious
      March 17, 2020 at 12:03 pm

      Fake Captain Obvious
      Don’t let your correct spelling fool anybody.

    • randiguy2006
      March 17, 2020 at 3:10 pm

      Yeah, banging nails is so hard.

    • Erin
      March 17, 2020 at 8:44 pm

      So if it’s so easy to teach, why don’t you do it? Oh wait. Can’t get a college degree, can you?

      • Charlie Baker's Duncecap
        March 18, 2020 at 9:51 am

        Any retard with a checkbook can get a college degree these days, sugar britches.

      • Mike
        March 18, 2020 at 10:08 am

        Erin, That’s the point, retard. You fucking asshole teachers are more concerned with getting these little shitheads out there protesting and REEEEEEEEEESISTING Trump that you’ve completely failed at doing what your supposed to do. The only reason you are in a classroom all day with kids is to teach them and prepare them for the next level, not indoctrinate them with your pathetic liberal bullshit. That’s why these kids are all morons by the time they get out of high school, but fuck can they draw on a poster board and protest better than anyone. Good job

    • Erin
      March 17, 2020 at 10:35 pm

      Try getting high school kids to pass the MCAS when they read on fifth grade levels. But yeah, you snake that toilet! You fucking fool.

      • Mike
        March 18, 2020 at 10:11 am

        Erin, That’s the point, retard. You fucking asshole teachers are more concerned with getting these little shitheads out there protesting and REEEEEEEEEESISTING Trump that you’ve completely failed at doing what your supposed to do. The only reason you are in a classroom all day with kids is to teach them and prepare them for the next level, not indoctrinate them with your pathetic liberal bullshit. That’s why these kids are all morons by the time they get out of high school, but fuck can they draw on a poster board and protest better than anyone. Good job

      • george costanza
        The angry taint
        March 18, 2020 at 12:46 pm

        You’re the fucking reason they can’t read…..ugh fucking dullard

  • Osiris
    March 17, 2020 at 11:40 am

    She’s quite spunky.

    • Peter North
      March 17, 2020 at 12:58 pm

      She will be when I’m done with her

  • Lily
    March 17, 2020 at 11:39 am

    This crazy bitch is hoping to win a School Committee seat? Maybe she should start by not making F-bomb, C-bomb “Luke” videos. What an asshole.

  • foleyworld
    Casino Scum
    March 17, 2020 at 11:35 am

    The faces she makes on the selfies are so fuking pathetic …. if anybody over the age of 13 takes a picture like that and posts it on social media for the World to see then it’s as clear as day that they are mentally ill, immature, attention starved and in her case, where she’s running for a public office, incredibly STUPID! What a first class loser!!! But if she moves to Fall River and gets Juicys endorsement she’d probably actually get elected!

    • george costanza
      The angry taint
      March 17, 2020 at 11:46 am

      Totally agree, there should be an app that punches you dead in the face once you hit send to upload idiotic photos like that

      • ElJefe72
        March 17, 2020 at 12:06 pm

        And then destroys your phone’s operating system so that it no longer works.

  • Daniel Sullivan
    Sprinkle Pig
    March 17, 2020 at 11:32 am

    These people are so transparent. They are all the same hiding behind the whole “I’m helping small businesses and without me they will all starve to death without my 10% tip” knowing damn well she is someone that barely leaves anything more than a 3% tip. She’s as useful as a used tampon.

Comment on this Post


All-Star Worcester Parents Lay Siege To School Bus, Beat Up Bus Driver, Then Write Magnificent Things On Facebook
Comments From The Worcester Parent Bus Riot Blog Were Borderline Orgasmic
Hot Girl Threatening To Sue Turtleboy Sports Over Busgate, City Council Still Hasn’t Even Mentioned It