Hoodrat Heroes

Springfield Baby Momma Makes Out With Sperm Donor’s Corpse, Shares GoFundMe For Dead Gangsta BF Who Just Went To Jail For Beating Her

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Yesterday we published this blog about some Springfield gangsta who was shot and killed in the streets just hour after threatening to shoot someone on Facebook in the streets:

The world is most definitely a better place without this career criminal though, as he’s served time for beating his baby momma and also beat a murder charge by intimidating the witness who saw him kill a guy in the middle of the street. The only downside is the effects it’s going to have on the Hennessy economy.

Sell, sell, sell!!!

Anyway, in the least surprising turn of events ever Chris “Webster” Montgomery has a GoFundMe in his honor:

 

“Victim of a brazen act of violence?” 

HAHAHHAHAHAHAHA!! He literally was out hunting someone and ended up becoming the hunted instead.

Poor baby.

Respectful and loving? Here’s what he posted about his baby momma after Masslive wrote about his guilty plea for assaulting her:

VERY loving. A real pillar of the community right there.

Oh and of course there’s always the “tribute shirts.” It wouldn’t be a ghetto funeral without RIP t-shirts.

However, despite the fact that she was impregnated by a deadbeat drug dealing dad who headbutted her when he was upset, she’s sharing the GoFundMe too:

Because you can’t let a shooting like this go to waste. Gotta cash in now that the proceeds on the dirt shwagg he was selling won’t be coming in anymore.

Oh, and in an extremely classy move she filmed herself making out with his corpse too:

Not even kidding. He is in fact dead in that video. So Springfield it hurts.

40 Comment(s)
  • Springfieldcrackhead
    April 3, 2018 at 5:02 pm

    But he was a goot boi

  • Just one last kiss
    April 2, 2018 at 11:52 pm

    Kid must’ve been still fresh in the body bag when she got all smoochy with him.
    Probably still smelled like weed, Hennessy, gunshot residue and cries for his momma.
    Oh, well. Zero fuks given.

  • Rick Shaw
    Rick Shaw
    April 2, 2018 at 11:54 am

    Hahaha. Little Tupak.

  • 3 Chainz
    April 1, 2018 at 4:00 pm

    Yo! Outside da Funeral home she axed my boy T-Von if she could suck his dick to take da taste of dead nigga out her mouth! 100! 100!

  • Local real local
    Local real local
    March 31, 2018 at 2:06 pm

    I have never seen that — kissing a dead body on the lips. I have heard of people kissing a child good bye on the forehead, but the holding and pressing of the lips on ice cold flesh. That gives me the creeps.

  • Captain Trips
    Captain Trips
    March 31, 2018 at 1:13 pm

    Oh – I almost forgot – If any of your homies are reading this – let me know how I can purchase a T shirt to wipe my ass with. And, also where your sidewalk memorial will be so I can urinate on it.

    Have a nice death

  • Captain Trips
    Captain Trips
    March 31, 2018 at 1:02 pm

    Thank you for saving the taxpayers some money. We’ll still be paying for your offspring but at least not you.

    Have a nice death

  • Laquisha the Hot Mama
    March 31, 2018 at 6:52 am

    Rumor is she then whispered into his ear “How does your best friends cock taste?”.

  • Senator Cheesehog
    March 31, 2018 at 6:32 am

    Vote Heidi Wellman- Cheesehog for Senate!

  • Brennan
    March 31, 2018 at 1:41 am

    I was hoping he was going to cure cancer…that was a joke…hood rat!

  • SMH
    YoYoYo
    March 31, 2018 at 12:21 am

    What, no sidewalk shrine complete with empty Henney bottles?
    Well, at least she didn’t give the corpse any tongue in the vid. Well, OK, the mortician probably superglued the lips together.

  • roberti
    March 30, 2018 at 11:03 pm

    Where do you find these people?
    This is as sick as it gets

  • TJB
    TJB
    March 30, 2018 at 9:46 pm

    Making out with a dead body is about as sick as it gets. The one filming it is whacked out as well. Where do these bedbugs come from? I hope they all disappear. Fucking GROSS.

    • Savage Squaw Bitch
      April 2, 2018 at 1:46 pm

      Dude, she was probably the one recording it!

  • Sloppy
    March 30, 2018 at 9:24 pm

    She’ll eventually just have to pull herself up, move on, and find somebody else to love now that he’s gone.
    Kind of like how my tax dollars will eventually just have to pull themselves up, move on, and find somebody else’s EBT card to pay for now that he’s gone.
    I’m sure they will. In this state, oh, I’m sure they will.

  • Tbstoriessucklately
    March 30, 2018 at 9:19 pm

    He was kissing back after the second kiss

    • Screw PC
      March 31, 2018 at 12:22 am

      Fuck you, he’s dead as Mike Brown. She’s kissing a dead guy. Even animals don’t get fuckin’ cozy with other dead animals. What the fuck does that make her? Whatever it is, it’s something subhuman, that’s fuckin’ what. She broke the skeevy scale. Nasty.

    • itsjustme
      Gross
      March 31, 2018 at 5:00 pm

      He looks like he’s kissing back because she is pushing in so hard when she is kissing him. Her post says he is gone. Why the fuck would you tape that?

  • Uncle Randy
    March 30, 2018 at 9:07 pm

    What’s up with pretty much 100% of these retards documenting and broadcasting every single moment of their lives? I don’t understand why people would want that at all.

  • Kegger
    March 30, 2018 at 9:02 pm

    I really think the Turtle should get back to the beginning format . Sports. How about more final four discussions ? This whole personal attacking and making fun of people is not that cool . Think what you want but respect a dead man and the mother of his child . I read you and I know you dropped some big stories , actually started getting mentioned by reputable news outlets . Time to capitalize on positive stuff and move past the hating . Sports !!!!

    • panzer9811
      panzer9811
      March 31, 2018 at 8:41 am

      Nah. You got WEEI, 99.3 the sports hub, ESPN, NESN, Sports Illustrated, and a zillion other sports news options on radio, on TV, in print, and online.
      TB is unique, and these stories are PRICELESS.
      Laugh so hard at this stuff I cry! Shit cracks me up!
      Keep ’em comin’ TB

    • itsjustme
      Itsjustme
      March 31, 2018 at 11:11 am

      Man? He was no man, just a leech on society, thug on the streets, bad example for his child, woman beater, I could go on and on. The world is better without him.

    • Kegger's mom
      March 31, 2018 at 8:36 pm

      Hey Kegger…Who are you covering for ? Why ARE YOU HERE ?? Why are you acting like a cuck on TB ??? What’s your REAL beef ?? As Finn would say…GET FUCKED !! and I’ll say it too !! Oh, and just to throw you a bone, cigarettes are bad for you and cooking burgers on a grill gives you cancer. Now why don’t you go back to the daily kos or huff post and whine about your tiny dick to them…asshole.

  • Sam
    March 30, 2018 at 8:45 pm

    Woah!

    That is why Facebook users should be licensed to post.

  • Eugene
    March 30, 2018 at 7:17 pm

    I’d like to make a contribution to the Go Fund Me.Catch me about 7am after I have taken my fiber the night before.

  • Troubled Nostrils
    March 30, 2018 at 7:04 pm

    Ewww – formaldehyde kiss! And that icky smoochie sound made my ears ring.

  • The Vorlon
    The Vorlon
    March 30, 2018 at 6:22 pm

    Isn’t necrophilia frowned upon by the commonwealth?

    • StiffOne
      March 30, 2018 at 8:08 pm

      Celebrate diversity, my good man!

    • Rick Shaw
      Rick Shaw
      April 2, 2018 at 8:30 am

      No. Linda Pizzuti bangs a corpse.

  • Jojo
    March 30, 2018 at 6:04 pm

    are there any protests scheduled for this week, or are those reserved for unarmed, innocent scholars on their way to school?

  • Schmoe me@gmail.com
    Sharon Peters
    March 30, 2018 at 6:00 pm

    You’re. Dumbass.

    • Sharon Peters
      March 30, 2018 at 9:16 pm

      Ya, replying to myself. Anyways, my initial comment was directed to baby mama’s incorrect use of your in her creepy post.

  • Diane Woods emerson
    Whinycunt
    March 30, 2018 at 5:53 pm

    Please excuse me for a minute while I go burn my eyes out and repeatedly bash my skull into a wall. That is probably the grossest thing I have ever seen and another reason I don’t like dead bodies.

  • Blackie O'connell
    March 30, 2018 at 5:24 pm

    The family always writes the obit of noble virtues while in reality this Donk never did anything, but be a drain on natural resources and a negative contributor to the gene pool- WTF The state has a burial compensation when families can’t or won’t bury “the loved one” Save the state some bucks and fire up some tires and throw him on the heap. Who print out the RIP t shirts? Use them for kindling.

    • panzer9811
      panzer9811
      March 30, 2018 at 8:08 pm

      GREAT idea!
      There is probably some busted-ass furniture, and used fryin’ grease around that could aid in the ignition, as well.
      My wish is that a MOAB could be dropped on the ceremony.

    • itsjustme
      Itsjustme
      March 31, 2018 at 5:12 pm

      I’ve always said the same thing, no matter how horrible the person is their obit makes them sound like a Saint.
      Recently some loser I went to school with died from an overdose, he was 32, already had four grandchildren, and no career or job listed in his obit, but it went on and on about how special he was, how he was so kind, nice, and would do anything for anyone.

      Then the picture they use, the picture of this supposedly great man, was one of him in a wife beater showing off all his tattoos, a cigarette in one hand, and a beer in the other. Seriously, could they not find a better picture for his obituary?

  • BoiDoneGoneForGoodYo
    March 30, 2018 at 4:40 pm

    Dis what you do when da foodstamps run out.
    White privledge people need to step up and work 3 jobs now to support freeloading big moma and her bastard offspring.
    Work whitey work else yo be racist

  • Jinxie
    March 30, 2018 at 4:24 pm

    *hurls* Ghetto gonna ghetto I suppose, but that was awful! Please make it abundantly clear how gross that’s going to be next time because of course there will be a next time.

    Side note: When your husband assures you that making out with a loved one’s corpse is a thing, do you just outright divorce them on the spot or try a trial separation in case they un-ghetto? Asking for a friend.

  • Word up
    March 30, 2018 at 4:15 pm

    Body ain’t even cold and she already scoping out the local middle school

  • msheadkracker
    #ilovestupidgofundmes
    March 30, 2018 at 4:03 pm

    It actually look like the lips are moving and the chin wrinkled up, it could be a video of when he was alive but it actually looks like that’s a small child she’s kissing all over. Nasty. Anywho, why does their child look like he’s got hydrocephalus? His child head is larger than his fathers man-boy head. $10 that baby isn’t his and that’s why he was beating her ass. This whole story stinks of hood inbreeding, this dumb ass kid was far from gangsta. He was far from a respectful and loving person too, more like immoral and abusive, no doubt learned it from his fath…oh wait, I mean his queen moms many baby daddy’s. 

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