Hoodrat Heroes

Springfield Coochie Crusticle Named Hennessy Spreads Debunked Lie About Man Raping 3 Year Old At Six Flags Faster Than Gonorrhea At Frat Party



This is Hennessy Cardona from Springfield.

And no, this is not a joke, the mind attached to the stench trench that she emerged from named her after the official nectar of hoodrats everywhere. Evidently her mother and father (lol, jk) decided to ditch the book of baby names and hit up up the liquor cabinet instead. Her brother Goldschlager approved of the name.

Yesterday she caused quite the stir when she posted this on Facebook and it was shared well over a thousand times.

This is what happens when the Pumpkin Spice Mafia starts accepting EBT.

Obviously this story isn’t even remotely believable and no rational human being would humor it. If a three year old girl was kidnapped at Six Flags and ended up getting raped by a tall black guy, who then refused to hand over the child once caught in the bathroom, the place would’ve been shut down by the police and it would be national news. It shouldn’t take Team Turtleboy to explain this to you.

Nevertheless it was blindly shared over 1,000 times because some people will believe anything they see on the interwebz. Especially in Springfield.

Yo Girl Why You Be Capitalizing The First Word In Every Sentence? 100, 100, 100!!

Others pointed out that it’s totally believable because she found a picture on Google image from an article on a VERY reliable source she clearly didn’t read, stating clearly that Disney also covers up child rape.

No one, and I mean no one, is going to pull a fast one on Jazmine and her magical powers of Google.

Other friends like Tito Dux and Destiny were equally upset, and pointed out how different it would be if a white girl was raped at Six Flags.

It’s so true. The only reason people are skeptical about this story is because Hennessy is not white. It has nothing to do with the fact that she admittedly got her information from an unidentified tweet.

She don’t make crazy shit up for clout. She just sees random shit on Twitter, assumes it’s true, and tries to create mass panic about a tall black guy raping 3 year olds at Six Flags.

Evidently this was the source.

This is what grandmother’s look like in Springfield

If you’re a grandma who uses dog filters and types in sentagraph form, it’s only a matter of time until you end up on Turtleboy. That’s just science.

Her granddaughter caught the child rapist in the act, stopped the predator in his tracks, and was suspended for it. She knows this because her granddaughter told her it was so. And there’s no chance in hell that her granddaughter could’ve gotten suspended at work for being a guttermuppet, then went home and told Grandma a completely different story because she knows grandma is ratchet as hell and will believe anything she’s told.

Luckily our favorite reporter James Villalobos from Western Mass News did what he always does – got to the bottom of it.

But again, it shouldn’t take James for you to know that this was a lie. It should be self evident.

Other clues that would’ve given it away are the fact that she’s named Hennessy because “Hennessy is awesome.”

Or perhaps her colorful social media posts where she threatens to knock her rival mom’s teeth out.

Or the fact that she let the world know that she has very strict qualifications in a mate.

I feel ya girl. Ain’t no “punk ass n word” getting in deez pants if they hesitate to pistol whip everybody and their mama every time I get into beef at the club.

Or her frequent videos calling out rival sperm sponges should’ve been a clue.

Or perhaps the public beefs she then gets into with other gutterslugs.


Which often times spill over into world star reject videos that she proudly posts on Facebook.

Because the most important thing in life for a grown woman should be establishing whether or not Natasia did in fact whoop her ass in the middle of traffic as she’s been claiming in the streets.

Anyway, the moral of the story once again is that if you see something on Facebook and it sounds too crazy to be true, it probably is. But nevertheless, in the spirit of fairness we would like to officially invite Hennessy onto a live show this week to explain why she thinks it was the right thing to do to spread a baseless lie like this about a child rapist at Six Flags.


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23 Comment(s)
  • Trump kins
    July 1, 2019 at 6:09 am

    Vote Republican or we are doomed

  • John Blutarsky
    July 1, 2019 at 5:30 am

    Fucking cunts…nothing but a bunch of thug pass-arounds with too much time on their hands in between gang bangs.

  • Sick of these Ratchet Fucks
    July 1, 2019 at 4:43 am

    This is the future, these are the savages that are raising the street rats that will one day run the world. These shitbags usually sleep all day andcrun all night on the summer. Im surprised this chimp was awake during the day to post this nonsense.

  • Catie
    June 30, 2019 at 2:03 pm

    So on point.

  • Well, No Shit
    June 30, 2019 at 10:57 am

    More takers.

    These ghetto shitbags either need to be permanently sent back to the Island of Misfit Toys, or exterminated.

    There are no other choices, because their “culture” is incompatible with productive society.

  • Dick Scratcher
    June 30, 2019 at 10:54 am

    Limerick of the Day

    Facebook stories – she’ll just believe any
    ‘Cause her brain cells are not very many,
    Then she’ll try to deny
    That the story’s a lie
    That’s expected from dumb slags called Henny

    Dick Scratcher, aged 45 rpm

  • Schlitz Scratcher
    June 30, 2019 at 4:27 am

    My Dad, Dick was just lousy at spelling.

  • Walter"Stiffy" Bird
    June 29, 2019 at 10:34 pm

    They need to do away with season passes. Only people who buy them are welfare brats that breed like rats. Then they spend the summer there. Normal people stay away.

  • TheCureForHope
    June 29, 2019 at 8:25 pm

    HTF can these hood rats afford admission prices? I can’t. And I’m a productive member of society.

    From their website: “Tickets may be purchased at the park on the day of your visit at the prices shown below.
    General Admission $71.99
    Children Under 54″ $61.99
    Children 2 & Under FREE

    And an additional $25 per car to park.”

    Holy smokes, if I took my daughter, son in law and their two kids it would cost $385 just to walk through the gates! And that’s BEFORE you take into account all the $$$ they will extort from you for food and drinks and even water. (I don’t believe you’re allowed to bring in your own).

    And games to NOT win prizes, of course. If you’ve already dropped $500 or more, are you going to ruin the grandchildren’s day be refusing to pony up for all the ‘you can never win’ games? Of course not.

    I can see this as easily becoming a $600+ day. For an amusement park? Especially if it’s overrun by hood rates? Heck, I’m paying $72 to get in when I won’t be riding one ride.

    What do they think they are? Disneyland?

    But again, the original question…how can these welfare queefs afford to go there and hang out?

    SMH….No, it’s exploding.

    • Shelby
      June 30, 2019 at 9:40 am

      Water country season pass is 60$ plus you get a one day free general admission pass when you buy the season pass to bring someone else. My son and a big group of friends all just got the season pass. They normally would go to water wizz, which is now almost 50$ for a one day pass.

  • ncfoothillbilly
    June 29, 2019 at 7:58 pm

    Conspiracy theory comfirmed…
    The Illiterati is REAL, people. Facebook posts prove it time and again.

    • ncfoothillbilly
      June 29, 2019 at 8:02 pm


  • Dumb BBC
    June 29, 2019 at 7:02 pm

    I keep goin to amazment parks looking for Women to bone with those cute little dog faces I see on Facebook. But I can’t find them. What’s up with that?

  • The EBT to Six Flags Ratchet Pipeline
    June 29, 2019 at 6:51 pm

    Jesus Six Flags, of course this was believable. What do you expect when you accept EBT for admission. No way in hell would I go anytime after noon.

  • Glenfiddich Molson
    June 29, 2019 at 6:44 pm

    I don’t understand why tasia keeps calling me a rat when this bitch be on live trynna rat herselffffff.

    I know that just a screen shot of text, but I can still feel the spittle of those ffffffs.

  • budd terps
    June 29, 2019 at 6:36 pm

    as an old hippy,stuff like this make my days doing acid seem normal,it’s all the micro plastic we eat everyday,the government is turning us into a news pieces for space travel

    • Hartford
      June 29, 2019 at 7:08 pm

      No Yerps
      The acid did its job on you!
      Nuff said.

  • Courvoisier Whiteguy
    June 29, 2019 at 6:14 pm

    As if Hennessy wasn’t a bed enough name, she’s really named Genesis.

  • z
    June 29, 2019 at 5:04 pm

    My real name is Glenfiddich Molson.

    Dad is Canadian. My mom is from Scotland.

    It was the plaid that got them together.
    Dad was in Scotland wearing a lumberjack shirt.
    Mom worked at a kilt store.
    He entered the store and it was match made in heaven.

    My name carries on a family tradition from both sides.
    Dads first name was Labatts. Mom’s last name was Guinness.

    So, see, there’s nothing wrong getting named after adult beverages.

    • Genesee Seagram
      June 29, 2019 at 9:32 pm

      I approve of you using your real name, what an honor to carry such fine beverages’ names. You can call me Genny. BTW, did your dear papa sleep all night and work all day?

      • Dick Scratcher
        June 30, 2019 at 11:21 am

        Not only that, he chopped down trees and ate his lunch and went to the lavatory.
        On Wednesdays he went shopping and had buttered scones for tea.

  • Black Loves Matter
    June 29, 2019 at 4:54 pm

    Good gawd, am I gonna get an STD from reading ghetto sentagraphs and corresponding videos? She sound like my kinda girl. Damm now ima start thinkin in Ebonic, trynna get rid but cott it reading the turtleboy. HELP!

  • Liz Warren's forked tongue
    June 29, 2019 at 4:19 pm

    Only in their culture do you find 28 year old Grandmother’s.
    Knockin’ boots at 14 is in their DNA…and of course, it’s gotta be raw-dog, cuz to the “father’s”, it ain’t sex unless you’re unloading the baby custard raw.
    At the rate of illegal immigration from the brown hoard, and their propensity to breed like fucking rabbits, this country is fucked.
    There are only so many taxpayers to pay the freight for this onslaught.
    If the Democrats have their way, the white middle class of America will within a few decades be financial slaves.

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