Want to advertise with Turtleboy? Email us at Turtleboysports@gmail.com for more information, and check out our website about types of advertising we offer.

Steven Assanti, the local Cheeseahogasaurus Rex from TLC’s My 600 lbs Life, has returned – only now he is drunk on Facebook LIVE licking his own stink titties. 

I wish I was kidding. 

Please do a shot of something for my dead retinal homies that took an eye-bullet for the sake of creating this gif. You might want to brighten your screen as Steven likes to do this drunk and in the dark as lying to himself seems to be his sport of choice. 

And this one….

Alright, we good? Let’s carry on. 

We’ve blogged about him a few times before and is probably one of the most repugnant beings I’ve ever had the misfortune to come across. 

You can catch up on past blogs here: 

Fall River 700lbs King Cheesehog, Featured On TLC’s My 600lbs Life, Was Once Kicked Out Of Hospital For Ordering A Pizza – Has Videos Of Him Abusing Nurses the “N” Word And Laughing At Tax Payers For Having To Work To Feed Him And Buy Him Stuff While He Gets Famous

Fall River’s 700lbs King Cheesehog Rolls Himself Off The Back Of A Golf Cart, Fakes Injury, So He Can Score More State-Funded Pain Pills

I’m kind of bummed he hasn’t been put out of his own misery yet. 

Now that he’s on hiatus from the TV show that made the entirety of the universe sigh because he’s literally an enormous asshole – he’s sitting alone in his Houston apartment (again…that WE are paying for) playing with his flaccid wang on camera and deep-throating booze bottles. 

Don’t believe me? Here. 

Just sample the first couple of minutes and then fast forward to 4:30 for when he starts to “sexually” dance for his audience. 

Nothing like a 700 lbs cunt lifting his own flapjacks to his mouth and sucking his own tits. Yum. 

The “come hither” face he makes while gyrating really makes me understand how it feels to be a pizza in his realm. 

Oh, as of you haven’t suffered enough, here he pretending to jerk off the dick he hasn’t seen since – ehhhhh, middle school? I really love his crazy cackle. He probably spent hours alone, wedged in his bathroom, struggling to wipe his own ass in order to perfect it. 

My other favorite part is how this upstanding lump of digested Wendy’s seems to find songs singing about dick-sucking and fat pussy. Seeing that King Gunty has come out as gay… I can only imagine the epic journey his future lovers (lol) will have trying to navigate his asscheeks like they are raiding the lost ark, stumbling upon a variety of lodged remote controls and Halloween candy wrappers, in an effort to “pop” his mangina. Digging in his unsizeable sweatpants for his pecker too!? Holy. Fucking. Barftasm. 

But then it gets really good. King Gunty decides to do his own karaoke dance version of Madonna’s Like A Virgin. I ran out of most of my one-liners in the last couple paragraphs. There are only so many jokes you can make about a guy who weighs nearly a ton, lying to himself because he thinks people find him attractive. I don’t even feel bad because my lack of jokes because this next video speaks for itself. 

Isn’t it amazing what desperate self-caused loneliness looks like? When you are too much to look at, probably smell like a urinal cake with a side of fumunda cheesebthrown on top of a a Taco Bell revenge deuce, and have the combined dislikeability of Rosie O’Donnell or Jim Jones, it doesn’t take much before it clearly starts to wear on you mentally. 

I’m just happy we get to watch the desperation. 

Mupasloth is so eager for attention that he can’t seem to differentiate between good attention and bad attention. No one thinks you’re funny, Steve. No one thinks you’re cute, smart, or even talented. People watch you just because they love a freakshow. I’m not going to shit all over someone for just being big but you’re not even a good person.  Even your family, the people who are forced to love you, think you’re a sloppy, manipulative, classless, turd. 

If you didn’t feel like catching up on past blogs you should know he hails from Cranston, did a stint in Fall River, lived in the back of a bus down by the river, and is now flailing around the ghetto of Houston Texas thanks to tax payer money. He’s the same calorie raptor who tried to sue a RI hospital because they kicked him out after he ordered himself a pizza while admitted for weight loss. Total fucksloth. 

He went viral on YouTube for mocking the tax payers for funding him while he ate and drugged himself to death. 

Same dude who videoed himself calling the staff at the hospital the N word while he verbally assaulted them for not getting instant assistance when he crapped himself. 

He’s infamous around the Fall River area for ending the careers of several first responders. Our sources says that he would call 911 in the middle of a tantrum, demand to be taken to the hospital, and when the EMTs had to carry him, and his 800 lbs ass, down several flights of stairs he would rock the gurney and swing at them in an effort to hurt them. 

My hate for him is real. He’s disgusting both inside and out. Initially I felt that making fat jokes was too easy but after his latest stint my fuck level has dropped to zero. 

Fuck this waste of space. I’d say fuck him in the ass but I lost my Indiana Jones hat and his butt seems to have eaten my flashlight.