All-Star Criminals

Taunton Dumbass Ax Robber Might Be World’s Dumbest Criminal

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Taunton Gazette

A Taunton man who used an ax to burglarize a convenience store was caught after investigators traced his footprints left in the fresh snow back to his Tremont Street home, according to police.

Nerijius Anger, 26, was arrested and charged with breaking and entering a building at nighttime, malicious destruction of property and larceny over $250, after he was located and allegedly confessed to stealing cigarettes, alcohol and scratch tickets from Oakland Variety as he was “having a bad night” on Sunday.

Taunton police said they responded at 8:25 p.m. when the 246 Tremont St. store’s security system detected an intruder. Police also received several calls while en route to the store stating that the suspect had an ax in his hands and was walking north on Tremont Street.

Once officers arrived at Oakland Variety, they checked the area but could not locate the suspect, Taunton police said. Two officers went to the back of the store and saw that the rear door locks were smashed off and that windows were broken, according to a Taunton police report.

Officers tracked footprints found at the front of the building and also collected several packs of cigarettes from the ground, before continuing to follow the footprints north on Route 140, police said.

Three officers followed the footprints to 271 Tremont St., where they were informed of a disturbance on the second floor just prior to their arrival. The Anger’s mother told police about an argument, but Anger had already left by then, according to the police report.

Police found a yellow wooden ax in the snow at the end of the footprints in the rear of the building, the report stated. The manager of Oakland Variety showed them a video of someone smashing through the window and knocking over a cigarette rack, before stealing cigarettes, $30 worth of scratch tickets and several bottles of alcohol. The video shows Anger exiting through front window where he had entered, the police report states.

Police returned to the 271 Tremont St. building where they found Anger, with blood on his hands and shirt, saying that he wanted to turn himself in “because he broke into the store and he was having a bad night.”

Anger allegedly told police that he threw the merchandise over a bridge into the water by Oakland Variety in a backpack. Police were not able to recover the backpack, the report states.

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Nerijius Anger was “having a bad night”, so of course he held up a local convenience store with an ax, stole all of the essentials (cigarettes, alcohol, and scratch tickets), before leading police to his residence by leaving his footprints in the snow. Who hasn’t done that before?

Man I was having a rough night last Thursday. Had to work late, fight with the girlfriend, two hours to drive home through the snow, and the cable went out. I was really considering heading out to the back shed and sharpening up the old ax and walking across the street to Cumby’s – bashing in the window and threatening to kill everyone while wielding my ax before snagging some scratchies, a pack of newports and a fifth of fireball. Luckily I had a last-minute change of heart and hit the local dive bar instead.

Taunton continues to stake it’s claim as one of the most fucked-up cities in Massachusetts with this gem. As many Taunton tales go, I’m not sure which aspect of the case is more disturbing. Here’s a few facts that might keep this young gent out of enrolling in Harvard Law anytime soon –

  • He robbed a store but didn’t take any money
  • He used a medieval weapon
  • He walked directly home leaving a trail of his footprints
  • He threw all of the stolen merchandise away before he got to drink, scratch, or smoke any of it
  • His excuse was  “I’m having a bad night.”

I guess when your last name is Anger, expectations are a little different. Even more troubling perhaps is that Paul Bunyan was released on a mere $500 bail.

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