Politics

Ted Cruz Sex Scandal Proves That Anyone Running On “Family Values” Is Probably Full Of Shit And Will Be Exposed By Trumpnado

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If you haven’t heard the news yet, according to the National Enquirer Ted Cruz has been banging half of America. They are reporting that the family values, traditional conservative presidential candidate has had affairs with five different women. Apparently the National Enquirer is no longer just a tabloid you read while you’re waiting in line at the super market. It breaks real, documented stories. They’ve outed Gary Hart, Jesse Jackson, and John Edwards, and they’d be opening up themselves for a huge libel lawsuit, so common sense tells you that this story is legit.

And ya know what? I’m not the LEAST big surprised about it, nor do I care. All this does for me is prove once again that the only two candidates who aren’t complete frauds and liars are Bernie and Trump. They’re popular because they are themselves. Hillary vs. Cruz would be a disaster for America because they’re both fake. At least with Trump vs. Bernie we would know exactly what we’re dealing with – an egotistical bullshitter against a delusional wannabe Santa Claus.

I don’t trust ANY candidate who rails on and on about family values and how gay people are destroying America and blah, blah, blah. And in case you haven’t noticed yet, this always seems to happen with the people who are the loudest proponents of the sanctity of marriage. Just ask Josh Duggar. Because men are only human and too often they think using the other head. And when you are a powerful man like Ted Cruz you are going to have hot women throw themselves at you, regardless of the fact that you are one of the ugliest mother fuckers to ever attain office. And sometimes powerful men give in to these desires. This is not shocking in the least bit.

Republican presidential candidate, Sen. Ted Cruz, R-Texas, speaks during a "Celebrate the 2nd Amendment Event," Saturday, June 20, 2015, at the CrossRoads Shooting Sports in Johnston, Iowa. (AP Photo/Charlie Neibergall)

I don’t care that he’s having all kinds of affairs either. Bill Clinton showed that you can still govern effectively while being a shitty husband. And I challenge anyone who says Bill Clinton wasn’t at least an average president. Dude balanced the budget, took on Congress and won when they shut down the government in 1994 (something Obama can’t seem to do), passed sensible gun reform without restricting American’s rights to buy a gun, put more cops on the streets and more criminals in jail, and oversaw a healthy economy because he made the very wise decision not to overregulate the Internet.

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So how bout we stop acting shocked? How bout we stop acting like we know these guys on a personal level? How bout we stop acting like this at all affects their ability to govern effectively?

They’ve outed three of the women because the Internet is just crazy like that:

https://twitter.com/RedStarWarrior/status/713220874686570496

What’s really insane is that allegedly one of these women works for Trump. Her name is Katrina Pierson:

https://twitter.com/Fleet_Forest/status/713147569170292736?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw

pierson and trump

We haven’t heard this rumor anywhere, so we’re just gonna get the ball rolling on this one. But would anyone be surprised if Trump was the mastermind behind this? If he told Katrina she’d be given some hookup job if she took one for the team and slept with this thing:

b4weengiaaeusgm

With Trump anything is possible, and quite frankly, everything is likely. It would be the ultimate power move on his part. And the revelation comes just a few days after a Cruz Super PAC released nude pictures of Trump’s wife. Why these people like Cruz and Rubio and Bush wanna jump in the gutter with Trump is beyond me. They are completely overmatched.

Here’s a second woman who has been “outed” by the NE:

Amanda Carpenter is a CNN contributor who previously was a staffer for Ted Cruz. She has been a leader in the “stop Trump” movement in the Republican party

https://twitter.com/BenHowe/status/710122740259356674?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw

Juicy.

The third woman is Sarah Isgur Flores, who served as Carly Fiorina’s deputy campaign manager.

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After Fiorina dropped out of the election she started to support Cruz:

Oh, and here’s the craziest part – the Super PAC for Cruz mysteriously sent the Super PAC for Fiorina $500,000:

https://twitter.com/NationalistHero/status/713211975111548928?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw

Gee, I wonder what that could possibly be for?

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This is why Trump vs. Hillary is gonna be so awesome. They’re probably the worst two candidates we’ve had for President since James Blaine vs. Grover Cleveland. But the fireworks are going to be phenomenal. If Trump’s people can do this to Ted Cruz, think of how much fun they’re going to have with the Clintons. In the mean time morons on college campuses everywhere will be protesting for safe spaces and disrupting rallies and every time that happens Trump will gain 10,000 new voters out of pure spite. Get your popcorn ready, it’s gonna be AWESOME!!

The bottom line here is that this proves that in America, anything is possible. Even ugly Cuban/Canadian immigrants can grow up to be rich, powerful politicians, and have sex with half of the right wing establishment while espousing family values on the campaign trail. Murica.

 

 

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27 Comment(s)
  • JayC
    March 26, 2016 at 9:35 am

    If Trump is behind this, it’s pretty good timing. Force Ted’s closet open ahead of the holiest day for Christians and enjoy Easter dinner at Mar-A-Lago watching the skeletons topple out, have CNN and other lamestream media who are against you scramble because their employees are involved. And even build in some plausible deniability by sacrificing one of your own media gals, probably planned by her and Trump, so that he can stand tall, shrug, and say he wouldn’t dump that info because one of his campaign staff is involved and he loves his employees and they love him. In the end, Trump denies being the source, looks like the good guy around his successful family, doesn’t run away or deny he has made relationship mistakes, and plays the victim card because there are media liars involved that work for the networks that hate him. Brilliant move.

  • quack
    March 25, 2016 at 9:44 pm

    Just goes to show that politicians really ARE all in bed with each other.

  • Fatfingr Lou
    March 25, 2016 at 6:37 pm

    Bill Clinton tried to prove Stalin’s theorem that quantity has a quality of it own.

  • TDF
    March 25, 2016 at 4:32 pm

    Sarah Isgur Flores is pretty friggin hot……nicely done Ted 🙂

  • Steven Stover
    March 25, 2016 at 4:29 pm

    Cruz reminds me of a Park Ave used car dealer. Like across the street from Diamond. Jumper cables and Fix A Flat and retreaded tires and phony white walls.

    • Parker
      March 25, 2016 at 6:58 pm

      Ha, he just needs some Irish flags.

  • Joe Max
    March 25, 2016 at 4:22 pm

    One was hot anyways, granted the others can’t be seen. Also, all women too, no men. That’s a big plus at one time. Now, don’t think it matters much. To be on the safe-side, I ‘ll look it up in the PC rule book !

  • Angus W Mann
    March 25, 2016 at 4:18 pm

    Regardless of the acquittal Impeached presidents are below average

  • Young Conservative
    March 25, 2016 at 4:14 pm

    The fact that you consider the National Enquirer to be a reputable source for obtaining information tells me everything there is to know about this blog. Ted Cruz is the only candidate in this race that mostly aligns with my views. This man stands with police, has a strong anti-terror stance, firmly believes in the Second Amendment, is a fiscal conservative and is a pro-lifer. Pull your head out of your backside for once and educate yourself on the candidates. I don’t regularly read this blog anymore because one week you’re a conservative and the next you’re promoting liberal ideals. Ted Cruz is branded with a bad reputation because of people like yourself. Dooschozzle of the week award goes to Turtleboy Sports!!!

    • Part time at Macdo's
      March 25, 2016 at 4:29 pm

      The problem is Ted is just too shady and dishonest. He flipflops on issues constantly, at first he supported amnesty, oh now he wants to build a wall like Trump and kick them out. He wanted to increase muslim immigration oh now he wants to inspect muslim communities WWII style. He claims to be anti establishment and then he takes money from Goldman Sachs like the establishment guys and accepts an endorsement from the establishment itself, Jeb Bush. I figure you just haven’t heard this stuff and that’s why you’re currently supporting him.

      • Young Conservative
        March 25, 2016 at 4:43 pm

        Your information is wildly inaccurate. This goes to show you only watch CNN’s 30 second news clips that completely fail to disclose important facts and pieces of evidence.

        • TargetPractice
          March 25, 2016 at 5:10 pm

          Lol his 30 seconds of watching cnn must make him way more informed than you are, cuz you have no clue. What source does your info come from? Tedcruz.com I’m guessing. Please expand on how anything Part Time said was even slightly inaccurate.

        • Part time at Macdo's
          March 25, 2016 at 5:13 pm

          He says he’s anti wall street banks, and pro borders, but his wife is high up at Goldman Sachs and she works to get open borders. He did that shady stuff against Ben Carson. He wanted to increase H1Bs by 500% and now he wants to suspend it completely.

          I see where you’re coming from, as I supported him myself before this election. I like everything you listed in your first post, and Trump fulfills all of those, although maybe their fiscal views differ. The reason I jumped ship is because of the flipflopping, and the fact that he has so much wall street and lobbyist money behind him, I just think Trump will be far, far more likely to do what he claims he will than Ted will. Also Ted ate the booger.

          • Young Conservative
            March 25, 2016 at 5:20 pm

            Trumps is a liar when he claims to be pro-life. Never has he criticized Wall Street. I think you’re confusing him with Bernie Sanders….

          • Part time at Macdo's
            March 25, 2016 at 5:43 pm

            Maybe you’re right about Wall Street, but he had very harsh criticism of Goldman Sachs and how they engage in crony capitalism by giving money to politicians in exchange for influence.

            His wife works there as the managing director and she was promoted shortly after Cruz was elected. Suspicious. And when it was revealed he got big money from Sachs(which he failed to report), he stopped talking about it. Whoops!

          • BobnMic
            March 26, 2016 at 2:26 am

            Yes – Ted did in fact eat that booger for the world to see. Very Presidential. With a snout that big he must store a pretty hefty collection.

            How is Ted going to make the world a better place eating boogers I ask? Good old lying Ted. If he ever did get elected can you imagine what would be found stuck under the desk in the oval office? I mean of course the ones he did want.

            I wonder if he’s a roller, a flicker, or exclusive eater?

    • Rational Person
      March 25, 2016 at 5:14 pm

      So you won’t read anything that differs from your views? Something tells me personal growth isn’t your thing.

  • BobnMic
    March 25, 2016 at 3:45 pm

    Adds a little more substance to the nickname, “Lying Ted!”

  • Part time at Macdo's
    March 25, 2016 at 3:23 pm

    I don’t know if you can call him the worst candidate. He exposes a lot of corruption and BS and gets people to actually pay attention to politics. I like his tax plan, people who make under $25,000 won’t have to pay which is good for guys like me.

  • Studly wonder balls
    March 25, 2016 at 3:18 pm

    Speaking of sex scandals, there’s a pic of you TB with an old flame on page a3 of the telegram today.

  • Reddog
    March 25, 2016 at 2:44 pm

    Best election year ever.

  • Itinerant Engineer
    March 25, 2016 at 2:12 pm

    It’s the Cuban Mistress Crisis!

  • Wtf
    March 25, 2016 at 1:50 pm

    Uhhhh….the Clinton gun ban didn’t restrict my right to buy a gun???
    …I think not.

    • Itinerant Engineer
      March 25, 2016 at 2:16 pm

      I think all real Americans are glad the the AWB was allowed to expire. Granted, those of you still living in the People’s Socialist Commonwealth of Massachusetts still don’t get to have any fun guns but I’ll make sure to dedicate the next 30-round magazine I empty at the range to all of you.

  • JoeMomma
    March 25, 2016 at 1:43 pm

    Can’t we just pick a name out of the phonebook and award that person the Presidency? It couldn’t be any worse than electing anybody currently running.

    • Wabbitt
      wabbitt
      March 25, 2016 at 5:04 pm

      Some comedian suggested that the person who wins American Idol throws a dart at a map. We then drop a monkey on that spot. The monkey walks around, and the first person whose hand he holds is the new president.

      Can’t turn out worse than the current system.

    • Fatfingr Lou
      March 25, 2016 at 6:53 pm

      I suggest a Mega Bucks winner has a mandatory 6 month tour as CIC.

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