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The Fifth Alarm is the most ratchet of all the Springfield strip clubs, and quite the accomplishment. Whenever they’re in the news, it’s almost aways really, really, really bad news.
We blogged about them last year after some ratchet got blue balled from a lap dance and refused to pay for the services rendered. Everything about this place is so Springfield it hurts.
Well, they’re back on Turtleboy after this video popped up on the interwebs, showing what appears to be the International Sisterhood of Springfield Exotic Dancers engaging in gland to gland combat with some out of control patrons, one of whom messes with the wrong stripper.
That’s what happens when you try to tip your dancer with food stamps. Kind of hard to see what happens at first, so you had to follow the wall of thongs as it surrounded its prey.
They were likely fighting over mating rights for the guy with the gray hoodie, and you’ll notice that right here you can see a woman on the left, while a stripper in a green thong one piece holds back another member of Holyoke GED Express on the right.
That’s when Whoriqua attempts to hit one of the strippers, leading to the Thongnado dog walking that ho.
I’ve seen a lot of ratchet chick fights, especially since I’ve started working at Turtleboy. Usually it’s just some hair pulling and weak punches that don’t really connect. But Thongnado was a force of nature, the likes of which we’ve never seen before. She channeled her super ratchet powers and instantly made Whoriqua regret ever trying to fuck with a Springfield stripper.
I’m not even sure what was happening there, but very rarely do you actually hear the satisfying sound of fist on chickbone at full speed that Thongnado gave us.
If your line of defense when fighting a stripper is to try to take her clothes off, it probably won’t stop her from beating your ass. Because most of the time she’s there she doesn’t have clothes on anyway.
This is how you get a raise as a stripper in Springfield. There will be no mercy at the Fifth Alarm. Guaranteed she went on stage and finished her shift immediately afterwards. That’s just stripper code.
When she was all done the poor chick from the day shift was like, “da fuq we pose a do with this body now?”
The bottom line is, if you’re gonna fuck with a stripper do it at Club Castaway. Greenfield strippers are nearly as vicious as their sisters in Springfield.
Do any turtle riders recognize Thongnado? Those ass cheeks are pretty distinct. Surely some guy in a flat brimmed Chicago Bulls hat must recognize them. She might’ve been the girl in your 5th period English class in high school who only came to school on Tuesdays. We’d love to speak with her, and possibly have her, or anyone else involved in this donnybrook, on the live show.