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We’ve gotten so many requests from turtle riders to do re-runs of our greatest hits, so we decided to add a new category – This Day In Turtleboy. We’ll be reblogging some of our greatest hits that happened on around this day in Turtleboy. This one is from May 19, 2016. 

This is the most hilarious police report we’ve ever seen on Facebook, via the West Springfield Police Department Facebook page:

Oh good, they didn’t steal any condoms. Shocking.

Seriously though, that’s pretty hot. They sell this stuff at CVS?? Kinky. Someone’s going to the bone zone tonight!! Safe to say the Agawam Motor Lodge is gonna have some laundry to do tomorrow!!!

Here’s my question – if they have two dudes and one chick, then why do they need a vibrator? That’s emasculating man. It’s gonna be real hard to find them though. Good thing for them they don’t have any easily identifiable physical characteristics. Oh wait…..

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again – anyone who doesn’t bend the brim of their hat is an asshole. The first thing I thought when I saw these pictures are, “these sexaholics are from Ware.” They might as well have it tattooed on their foreheads. I just can’t imagine them living in a place that doesn’t look like this:

Next thing you know we’re looking in the comments section and – BAM – this name comes up:

Too easy. Cock Block INC. Such a Ware move right there. But does Kristy Beck have any tattoos that match the dildo hungry woman from the CVS video?

Oops!!! Shocking that this brilliant criminal wouldn’t cover up what has to be considered easily the most identifiable part about her – the mosaic that some crackhead from Gilbertville drew on her arm in exchange for a knobjob. And let me tell you, from the looks of some of their priceless Facebook memories it looks like they’re gonna be using all that lube tonight:

Hot. I love how she’s sucking face for this picture and the cigarette butt is still burning. She probably tastes like apple pie and broken dreams.

I’m sure they’ve been dating for a while though right?

Anthony Caputo. Real winner. They’ve been dating all of three weeks and they’re about to get their first of many misdemeanors to come. Anthony’s gotta work on his stroke game though. I mean, he’s been dating her for three weeks and he’s already tagging up?

Come on bros. That’s a year three move right there.

Oh, and good news – Anthony Caputo just got off on his most recent court date!!

Good thing he learned his lesson!!! She’s a lucky girl, I’ll give her that much. What woman out there right now wouldn’t wanna hitch their wagon to this winner:

Have mercy!!! You can always tell the people who only wear a shirt and tie on court days because they always forget the belt. LOL. The fact that they took these pictures to celebrate the continuance he just got in Belchertown District Court is fantastic.

Let’s check out what else we can find out about Ware’s finest:

True that girl!!!

Holy shit, this is what she looks like when she’s off of heroin?

Shocking that the landlord at her halfway house would find needles in her room and think that she might be using them for illicit purposes. Why would anyone ever think that?

Here’s her last boyfriend:

He seems like a nice guy, but would he steal two boxes of KY lubricant from a CVS for her? Didn’t think so. Ride or die only with Kristy Beck.

OK, the vibrator makes sense now.

Yea, that seems about right.

Can’t believe she doesn’t have this already.

Solid attempt at the English language right there. That’s what a Ware GED in action looks like.

If you’re posting memes about how good your hoo-hoo is, it’s pretty much only a matter of time until you rob a CVS of all of its KY lube for an all night ho-down in the Agawam Motor Lodge.

Anyone, thanks to the power of the Internet the tag-team champions will be in handcuffs by tomorrow. Ironically I think it’s a safe bet to say that Kristy will enjoy that. Don’t worry though, she’ll be back on the streets by Friday, applying for jobs on Monster and looking to turn her life around. LOL. Just kidding. Same time next week.