WTF

Turtleboy Is Sick And Tired Of Gangs Of Wild Turkeys Who Think They Own The Streets

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I just wanna take a minute to point out how sick I am of this shit:

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These things are everywhere. It’s like a turkey plague. The first time I ever saw a wild turkey I was 17 and couldn’t believe my eyes. Now I see them everywhere I go. And it’s never just one. It’s a whole gang of em. Was driving the other day in Dudley and I saw one gang, and then drove a half mile down the road and saw an entirely different gang.

And these assholes think they own the road too. Those pictures above are from the center of Princeton. They just stand in the road and look at you like they expect you to move. You have to wait them out until they decide to mosey their feathers onto someone else’s property. Every other animal species gets out of the road when cars are coming. Not turkeys though. They think they run shit.

My question is, do we hunt these things like we do with deer? Because clearly they need to be eliminated. They’re currently terrorizing the entire town of Foxboro. I don’t even understand how they survive in the wild. They’re delicious, they’re not carnivores, and I can’t imagine they fly too well. We should be hunting these things left and right and using them to feed the homeless. Kill two birds with one stone. No pun intended.

 

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26 Comment(s)
  • Turtle Man
    September 22, 2016 at 7:16 am

    Wild animals crossing the street? This has got to stop! What’s next? Fish swimming in the ocean? Hey Fuckface, why did the Turkey cross the road? Because the forest where he used to live is now a Fucking 6 acre solar panel farm so douches like you will have electricity for your computer.

  • Barnyard
    September 20, 2016 at 6:41 am

    I mowed one down in a dark blizzard a few years ago. Took my eyes off the road for a second….looked up just in time to see his head just over the top of my hood, just before I saw it dissappear under me. Funniest thing I ever saw..oh the fear in his eyes …LOL

    • Peace, Love & Tranquility
      September 20, 2016 at 9:33 am

      Bad, very bad. Go to your computer and write “TLM FOREVR” 100 times.

  • BobnMic
    September 20, 2016 at 4:17 am

    I believe this is Turkeys revolting. They are fed up. They formed a union. They are pissed. We eat them every single late November. These Turkeys as depicted seem a tad bit scrawny however. They should lay off the pipe and booze. Plus they have shitty attitudes. Real bad asses they are I can tell. So what if you actually catch one and try to cook it. When you cut into it does it tell you to fuck off? They might say “eat me” which is kinda the point no?

    Plus there is no real meat anyway for the street thug Turkeys. They’ll just hobble around and go attack people and be assholes. If I saw them grouped like that driving I would step on the gas baby and mow those sons a bitches down…

    • BobnMic's Gerbil
      September 20, 2016 at 7:28 am

      You’re about as funny as amy schumer.

    • Peace, Love & Tranquility
      September 20, 2016 at 9:32 am

      Bad, very bad. Go to your computer and write “TLM FOREVR” 100 times.

  • Sterling Turtle Rider
    September 20, 2016 at 2:51 am

    We have been overrun down here in my neck of the woods… could be the same bunch from those Princeton pics. I never understood how they could be hard to hunt… just drive right up to them, it’s not like they ever run away when the cars comes anyway, right? Definitely not the same as the farm-raised fattened up ones you buy at Thanksgiving though, much scrawnier – hardly seems worth it really.

  • Tudor turtle
    September 20, 2016 at 2:05 am

    As of right now, the turkeys are taking to Facebook to shut down turtleboy.

  • Stu Pidazzo
    September 19, 2016 at 1:55 pm

    But they sure do make a great bourbon.

    • Alcohol Enthusiast
      September 19, 2016 at 4:39 pm

      Wild Turkey with my Old Granddad… Strong stuff.

  • GoneWest
    September 19, 2016 at 1:10 pm

    Then move TB

  • Independent Thinker
    September 19, 2016 at 1:00 pm

    When I see them I am sure to say, “see you at Thanksgiving!”

    • Peace, Love & Tranquility
      September 19, 2016 at 2:36 pm

      Bad, Bad. Go to your computer and write “TLM FOREVER” 100 times.

  • Kevins 9 Iron
    Kevi bashed in my skull
    September 19, 2016 at 12:41 pm

    TB who says you have to stop? More fun than pokeyman…

  • Peace, Love, & Tranquility
    September 19, 2016 at 12:41 pm

    FUCK YOU ALL !!!! You are racist bigots and Facists. TLM = Turkey Lives Matter . TLM forever, forever, forever. TLM! TLM! TLM11

    • Stu Pidazzo
      September 19, 2016 at 1:35 pm

      You forgot the ‘100’ emojis

  • Tom Turkey
    September 19, 2016 at 11:01 am

    Live and let live, TB! They are WILD turkeys. I ‘m sure they inhabited your lot of land long before they tore up their dwellings to build your house. I don’t particularly like drunk assholes pouring out of Mahoneys, but I don’t bitch. Leave the turkeys alone. If they are in shitty Worcester, they are probably only lost and will get the hell out of that cesspool ASAP.

    • Itinerant Engineer
      September 19, 2016 at 5:21 pm

      Found the turkey. Don’t you have traffic to be obstructing somewhere?

  • MENTAL MIKE
    September 19, 2016 at 11:00 am

    Turtlebigot using his White Privilege again!!!! Oppressing turkeys rights. I hope they all take A knee during Thanksgiving football. #turkeylivesmatter.

    • MENTAL MIKE
      September 19, 2016 at 11:02 am

      *Whitemeat privilege.

      • Peace, Love & Tranquility
        September 19, 2016 at 2:38 pm

        Bad, Bad. Go to your computer and write “TLM FOREVER” 100 times.

  • Mike
    September 19, 2016 at 10:43 am

    Those wild turkeys are not very good eating

  • Cheryl
    September 19, 2016 at 10:09 am

    One Turkey eats over 200 ticks a day. Be happy they are in your yard.

  • Turkey Commander
    September 19, 2016 at 9:57 am

    Turkey hunting season starts Oct 24…. Let’s go get um! Somebody bring the gravy and cranberry sauce!!

    • Itinerant Engineer
      September 19, 2016 at 10:31 am

      For how stupid and numerous they are, turkeys are surprisingly hard to hunt. You’d better be decked out in your RealTree(c) camo and get good with a turkey call if you want to have any luck. They’re about the only game that I’d bother having a camouflage print on my shotgun for because they’ll notice wood and steel from a distance. Hell, I know some overachievers that even have camo soles on their hunting boots.

      Delicious though. Darker and more gamey than domestic turkey; you can’t roast or fry it like your usual Thanksgiving bird because it will come out tough and dry. Braise it with vegetables in beer, wine, or stock. Slow cooking works well. I think it would be too lean for a smoker but if you bard it with bacon you might be able to get it to work.

    • Peace, Love & Tranquility
      September 19, 2016 at 2:39 pm

      Bad, Bad. Go to your computer and write “TLM FOREVER” 100 times.

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