Turtleboy Investigates

Turtleboy Worcester Pizza Tour: Kelley Square Pizza

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Time for Round 2 of Turtleboy’s Worcester County Pizza Challenge. Obviously we’re not going to have time to endorse a best pizza by the time Worcester Magazine concludes it’s best of Worcester voting. So you go right on ahead and vote for whoever you think is best. But whatever you do, make sure you vote for Turtleboy Sports as Worcester’s best blog, and Turtleboy for Worcester’s best columnist. Here’s the link. Don’t forget to vote for at least 15 different categories or else your ballot gets tossed.

 

Anyway, yesterday we took a trip to one of Worcester’s classic pizza joints – Kelley Square Pizza.

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The place is owned and operated by Tatnuck Magnet School graduate George Mitre. I’d never been there before, but George was one of the first to contact us after our pizza announcement, and wanted to give Turtleboy a taste of Kelley Square.

First of all, what I like about this place is the atmosphere. Any schmuck can order out for pizza or have it delivered. But half the experience is stuffing your face with the pie in the shop itself. And Kelley Square pizza is kind of like the Coney Island Hot Dog of Worcester pizza joints. If you’re like me, you can’t stop staring at historical pictures of Worcester. Mainly because it’s just hard to imagine Worcester looking so nice:

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But I told George when I was inside that he should NEVER update the place:

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I have no idea why, but I am of the firm belief that pizza tastes better when you feel like you’re eating in a place that some guy who just came through Ellis Island opened up.

 

As for the pizza, the first thing I always do is tear off a slice as soon as it’s out of the oven. If I pull on a piece and it takes the rest of the cheese from the pizza with it, then your pizza sucks. Luckily Kelley Square pizza passed the test:

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So after giving it a shot I took the rest home to the judges – Mrs. Turtleboy and Turtleboy Jr. Here are our Turtleboy assessments:

Turtleboy: The cheese is orgasmic, it doesn’t fall apart when you eat it, and there’s the perfect balance of marinara sauce. I give it an A-. The only reason I can’t give it a higher mark is I only give an A+ to a pizza that makes me eat the crust. I hate the crust. If you can get me to eat your crust, you have made the greatest pizza of all time.

Mrs. Turtleboy: She’s a tough critic, but she liked what Kelley Square pizza had to offer. She’s a crust-eater all the way, and she likes it a little crispy. This was right up her alley and she gave it an A-.

Turtleboy Jr: Within two minutes of sitting down to our family dinner, Turtleboy Jr. spilled milk all over his pizza. Then he ate it anyway, because Turtleboy Jr. is basically a savage. After that he began dunking the pizza in his new cup of milk, much to the dismay of Mrs. Turtleboy. When he was told that this would lead to no dessert, he began crying but eventually complied. He gave it an A+ as long as he can douse the pizza in milk.

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8 Comment(s)
  • WORC
    April 1, 2015 at 5:06 pm

    Nah , they use to be my go to spot . But a couple years ago I think they changed ownership and the pizza is horrible now .

  • RSoxGuy
    April 1, 2015 at 4:33 pm

    The pizza looks sooooo good but the thugs and gangstas that often hang out in front of the store is what keeps people from trying it. Sad really

  • peter pan
    April 1, 2015 at 1:34 pm

    Not being bias in anywa. literally ordered Kelly sq pizza the other day a Sunday night mind you and it took 1:25 to deliver. And I had to repeat my order about 6 times because the guy didn’t speak any English. The food although cold seemed like it would have been good hot. Either way I threw away all my Kelly sq pizza menus and there off my list.

  • Devils Mouthpiece
    April 1, 2015 at 12:26 pm

    I think Clive should write another article, but this time about Turtleboy being racist against pizza crust. Whats up with that? What has pizza crust ever done to you? I can just hear the jizzing together circlejerk revving up the racism protest engine to rally around pizza crust everywhere. Thick, thin, wheat, white, spinach or whatever. It’s all good.

  • Devils Mouthpiece
    April 1, 2015 at 11:43 am

    This had me laughing so hard my eyes watered: Turtleboy Jr: Within two minutes of sitting down to our family dinner, Turtleboy Jr. spilled milk all over his pizza. Then he ate it anyway, because Turtleboy Jr. is basically a savage.

    Thanks for the laugh!!!

    • RBG's fat roll
      April 1, 2015 at 12:04 pm

      Isn’t it racist to call Turtleboy Junior a savage?

  • WormtownorBust
    April 1, 2015 at 11:38 am

    I used to love their subs, but haven’t had one in a long time, can anyone vouch for them being as good as they used to be?

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