Blogs at Turtleboy work on a season rotation. November and December are the “I’m a single Mom looking for help around the holidays so my crotch fruits don’t find out the hard way that Santa doesn’t visit ratchets” blogs. July and August are the Shark blogs that get UT fired up. And in May and June we usually commence a summer long series of ratchets leaving dogs in hot cars while they go shopping. Here’s our first one of 2019 from the the Salem Walmart.
Well, there you have it folks. Living proof that white trash comes in all shades and colors. That lizard wizard is one of the great Massholes of our generation.
“Oh, he’s panting!! That’s what dogs do, they fucking pant, they bahhhk, whatevahhh! Get the fuck away!!”
Yea, they do pant. They just don’t look like they’re dying of thirst while doing so.
“He’s got plenty of water, he don’t need no fucking water. Get the fuck away from me, you guys are fucking retarded. You gotta be kidding me. Fucking faggots.”
Umm, pretty hard for the dog to drink water out of a Poland Springs bottle.
“170 dollahhhhs, yea, but he’s abused. Get the fuck out of heeeyaahhh.”
Oh, you bought dog food so the pup doesn’t starve to death. Thank you for your service.
“The reward goes out to all of you concerned, fucking retahhdded nosy mother fuckers.”
There’s actually a number of people in the comments defending the Walmart Wookie Monster, claiming that the mob was overreacting, the sunroof and windows were slightly opened, and she just spent a bunch of money on dog food so she therefore is a good owner.
But any defense of this call of booty combat vet has to be reconsidered the moment you saw the shirt she just to wear out in public, which may be the most Walmart shirt ever:
“I’m a happy go lucky ray of fucking sunshine.”
That you are dear. And you just gave me skin cancer.
Even more ratchet worthy is the license plate cover.
Yea, this crusty crotch crustacean goes around WISHING someone would say some shit to her. She could’ve easily left her dog at home, but she wanted to be the first person in 2019 to get blown up on Facebook for leaving her dog in a hot car, just so she can talk some shit.
“Post a video, I don’t give a fuck. Fucking retahhhhdds.”
That woman has been WAITING for this day to happen.
The police didn’t give her a citation, probably because she wasn’t worth it, and he looked blown away by the level of ratchetry that was happening in front of him.
And no, it’s not OK to leave your dog in a hot car like that, even with the windows slightly down. Watch the video of the dog in the car on this woman’s Facebook post:
That pooch was in distress. He was heavily panting and his eyes were bulging, showing the whites. No, that’s not OK. And like I said, there’s no reason you can’t leave your dog at home. They’re not crotch fruits, and they don’t need a babysitter if you leave them alone for two hours. At least the ratchet hole you call home probably has ventilation, isn’t 85 degrees, and hopefully has a water bowl.
Anyway, we’d love to know the Walmart Wookie Monster’s real name. Shouldn’t be hard since there’s a license plate, so send that over if you’ve got it. Something tells me this is the kind of chick who would have no problem coming on the live show and giving UT a piece of her mind.
Odds on where she’s from? In this order of likelihood – Lynn, Peabody, Salem, Saugus
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