All-Star Criminals

Wareham Wang Ninja Loses Wallet Full Of Stolen Checks And Credits Cards, Makes For Easiest Arrest Possible For Wareham Police In Dumbest Crime Spree Imaginable

Today’s “dumbest criminal” aware goes to  Lauren Narhuminti of Wareham, who practically put the cuffs on herself for stealing and cashing checks, and stealing credit cards:

Wareham Wicked Local

“A Wareham resident contacted the police department after not receiving new checks she had ordered on Wednesday, Feb. 6, police said. The individual was advised by her bank that not only had the checks been sent, but two of them had already been cashed. Detectives began working with bank investigators and found that the bank continued to receive stolen checks made out to a West Wareham resident, police said. The investigation widened when more checks from a local business were discovered, also made out to that individual, in this case involving a separate bank. The checks had been cashed or deposited into the individual’s account, at various banks in Wareham and the Upper-Cape area, police said.”


Stop right there. Hold on a minute. Now, I will readily admit I have no experience in cashing stolen checks, or so much as stealing checks for that matter, but I’m pretty sure that writing them out to yourself and depositing them into your account is unwise. Make it easy for the cops to locate you – you can’t. Your bank account has your full government name, social security number, and home address attached right to it. You might as well punch an old lady, take her purse, and leave behind your driver’s license, social security card and recent piece of addressed mail with her. It just seems really stupid to me. Shouldn’t she have, I don’t know, found one of the hundreds of unemployed crack mongers wandering the streets of Wareham at any hour of the day past noon and paid them a little to go to one of those seedy check cashing stores? I mean, if you’re going the criminal route, you should probably at least attempt to go about it without getting caught. Then again, look at this broad:


What are the odds she has “the disease”? You don’t get to be 90 pounds soaking wet and living in Wareham for your good life choices.

Just when you think it can’t possibly get any more stupid, it does.

“As detectives were closing in on the case, Wareham Police received a call from the local T.J. Maxx store regarding a found wallet on Feb. 13, police said. Officer Richard Robidoux responded and noted that the wallet contained checks from numerous banks and multiple credit cards with different names on them. Several of the checks were determined to be from the original victim and business, police said. All of the credit card holders were contacted and were unaware of the larceny of their cards. It was determined that the owner of the lost wallet was the same individual that detectives were investigating, police said. More than $2,000 had been stolen from just one of the victims, and detectives attempted to find the suspect.”


I know what she wasn’t spending more than $2,000 in stolen money on – an education. This chick goes out on a check cashing spree using her own bank account, then decides, “Nah, fam, not obvious enough”, stuffs her wallet full of all the incriminating evidence she can find, and drops it at the nearest discount clothing retailer. Jesus. If anyone deserves jail, it’s this broad. I can’t say definitively that she regularly swaps out the majority of her blood stream for Flacco’s sweet sticky black tar special, but with this epic failed caper and her “career” spoon-feeding apple sauce to granny while in her PJs,


And her “skipped a meal or two” physique as of late:


I’m definitely not counting it out.


I would love to hear this girl’s excuse for how this turned out. There definitely is none, but her thought process (or lack thereof) simply fascinates me. If you’ve made bail and want to defend your honor, Lauren, hit us up girl! There’s definitely a spot on this weekend’s Turtleboy Live for you!


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39 Comment(s)
  • David
    March 28, 2019 at 10:49 pm

    Lol this girl was not the only one involved with this. Unfortunately another person is just getting by not appearing in front of the judge. She as well as others are seen on camera.

  • Spanky
    February 26, 2019 at 1:32 pm


    • vic aye carumba
      March 1, 2019 at 9:07 am

      Aye Carumba Would/wood too.
      I would give her lots of $20 checks she could cash legit in exchange for her services. Protein meals are also a perk of the job…

  • War dead
    February 26, 2019 at 5:47 am

    Time for a good hard spanking

  • I'm not a monster.
    February 26, 2019 at 5:31 am

    Many of us have family members like her.
    Myself included.
    You don’t have to hate them to come to the logical conclusion that their checking out, while painful, is sometimes the best outcome.
    I’m glad this is anonymous because my poor mother would be horrified to hear me say this about my sibling.
    Sibling has become a long term financial burden on her which, in turn, became a drain on the finances of myself and others in the family.
    I truly hate to think this way but it is the sad truth of the matter.
    The only way for it to get better is for the problem to go away.
    When it does finally come to pass, I can only hope that the heartbreak doesn’t kill Mom.

    • Richyrich
      February 26, 2019 at 6:41 am

      I am sorry that you feel this way, but understand how what you and your family has been through have brought you to this feeling. I hope your sibling finally gets clean.

  • Jessie
    February 25, 2019 at 8:56 pm

    Sounds about right. When my brother was using, one of the things he stole from me was my checkbook. Would cash checks to himself at random for a 40 bag at a time. Took me a while to realize checks were coming out of my account. It’s easier to take from family who won’t turn you in.

  • P. Niss
    February 25, 2019 at 8:11 pm

    all addicts should be euthanized. they are a total drain on could could use the money wasted on them to raise babies that liberals otherwise slaughter during murderous abortions.
    young liberal females should have their tongues removed because they are stupid cunts. Randall guy is a negro homo

    • Richyrich
      February 26, 2019 at 4:37 am

      Thanks for you input, Herr Himmler

  • Self Induced
    February 25, 2019 at 5:51 pm

    You are correct that won’t get her straight. If she has one ounce of intestinal fortitude and one shred of self respect she could overcome her addiction. Ill save my sympathy for terminally ill people and kids in a cancer ward who are truly victims.

    • Bill Clinton
      February 25, 2019 at 5:59 pm

      She has no intestinal fortitude but she could have a couple ounces of intestinal semen when I’m finished with her.

  • Richyrich
    February 25, 2019 at 3:13 pm

    I don’t agree with TBS’ mockery of addiction as a disease. The AMA says it is but whatever. I don’t know squat about this girl but not everyone addicted to opioids is a shitbag. It may make them do really shitty things to everyone they can to get $, but they are otherwise quite often not bad people. It’s up to them to get clean before it kills them. It sucks what this girl did and I hope she gets her life back before she’s dead.

    • Richyrich
      February 25, 2019 at 4:44 pm

      I see I have five thumbs down already. I guess you shitheads would be happier if she just dropped dead of an overdose. If that’s true you should all go eat a bag of dicks.

      • Rich A
        February 25, 2019 at 5:00 pm

        Yes. Dead junkies makes the world better.

        • Richyrich
          February 26, 2019 at 4:41 am

          Ryan, you’ve got a huge heart! I recommend staying away from social services as a career path. I’m going to assume you have not had this epidemic touch you in anyway. You are pretty lucky. My hometown has at least 50 young people 6 feet under due to overdoses in the past five years and I live in a small town. I hope that no one you care about ever finds himself addicted to opioids because I would not wish that on anyone even a dickhead like you

      • The angry taint
        the angry taint
        February 26, 2019 at 6:41 am

        boo fucking hoo , i don’t give a fuck what the AMA says, it’s not a disease it’s a fucking life choice. but because this country is now a bunch of pussified victims who don’t want to take responsibility for their actions they get to call it a ‘disease”(i.e. disability money grab). fuck them,fuck their enablers and fuck you. kids with cancer or people with alzhiemers have a disease,why you ask? they didn’t willfully choose it. so maybe you take that first bite out of those bag of dicks and slam your head with a bank vault door a dozen times or until you get it.

        • Richyrich
          February 26, 2019 at 9:29 am

          Since you think it’s a choice, here’s what I hope for you. I hope you get surgery, and are prescribed an opioid painkiller to help you deal with the post-op pain, and before you know it, you need those pills to get through the day without sever pain, because unbeknownst to you, you pain receptors were physically changed by the drug. Then your prescription will run out, leaving you desperate and butlying street drugs. You lose your job, your house, you family. Then when you give me your boo fucking hop story you can eat my dick for $40, you monkey

          • The angry taint
            The angry taint
            February 26, 2019 at 10:51 am

            Listen dummy , I have had a couple of surgeries where that shit was prescribed,I flushed what they gave me and never filled the rest.i took ibuprofen and dealt with it. I hope a tractor trailer full of bees overturns on you and covers you with honey and as they sting you, you get free rin into the woods and stumble upon a pack of grizzlies… you cunt

    • SMH
      February 25, 2019 at 7:27 pm

      Addiction turns many people into shitbags. Chasing the next high – chasing money and dealers becomes all consuming and they stop thinking of anything else, including eating. Maybe construction workers got hooked after an injury, but many others started pills for fun and never looked back. You don’t want to have anything to do with junkies. You can’t help them. Even professionals can only do so much.

    • Haverhill Landlord
      Haverhill Landlord
      February 25, 2019 at 8:05 pm

      Every last opioid addict I’ve ever met has been a complete and utter scumbag. They’re essentially garbage wrapped in human skin, and the world would be better off without them. The only question I have is this: were they total assholes prior to the drug use, or did the drug use turn them into assholes? Either way, they’re irredeemable valueless bags of flesh, not even useful as organ donors due to the risk of HIV and hepatitis.

      Victims of “the disease” are nothing but menaces to those around them and to the rest of us. IMHO banning Narcan would be a great public safety measure as all Narcan is really doing is delaying the inevitable Darwinistic overdose while artificially inflating the population of heroin-addled fuckbags ruining every thing and every one they come into contact with.

      And those rare 2% who somehow get clean and stay clean? Experience has taught me not to trust them, either.

    • P. Niss
      February 25, 2019 at 8:10 pm

      all addicts should be euthanized. they are a total drain on could could use the money wasted on them to raise babies that liberals otherwise slaughter during murderous abortions.
      young liberal females should have their tongues removed because they are stupid cunts. Randall guy is a faggot and sucks black cock after inserting crack rocks in his rectum

  • Captain Trips
    Captain Trips
    February 25, 2019 at 1:54 pm

    I love the bottom Christmas pic

    “Thank you for the presents mommy! Did you like the bags of H daddy and I got you for Christmas?”

    ‘They’re wonderful honey…’

  • Sick of these Ratchet Fucks
    February 25, 2019 at 1:39 pm

    Would have early on… But the last pic of her at a Christmas party or something… Def not. That’s got a crotch disease also. You can see the degradation in each pic. She’s Wareham trash without the seagulls flying around her.

  • Major Woody
    February 25, 2019 at 1:24 pm

    Give me a condom and turn me loose.

  • Robert Krafty
    February 25, 2019 at 1:22 pm

    Give her some baby oil and a hotel suite NOT IN FLORIDA and I will contact her.

  • Dick LaBone
    February 25, 2019 at 1:11 pm

    A rarity. A halfway decent looking girl in Wareham….

  • randiguy2006
    Randall Guy
    February 25, 2019 at 1:03 pm

    Blonde, white, fairly attractive…probation

    • vic
      March 1, 2019 at 9:10 am

      Bleach blonde
      White Trash
      Heroin chic

      I vote for euthanization

  • junkies are scum
    February 25, 2019 at 12:58 pm

    what a shame, probably ripped off everyone in her family too. selfish pigs.
    my nephew pulls the same shit with my mom whose 90+ years old, been a junkie for over 30 years, can’t wait until he dies. Die you junkie pigs die

    • Hugh-Bo Mont
      February 25, 2019 at 1:25 pm

      Your mom?? And your dirtbag nephew still does it after you kicked the shit out of him how many times? WTF? Something doesn’t add up… She’s your fucking mother!

      • junkies are scum
        February 25, 2019 at 5:17 pm

        Fuck you Hugh you don’t know me. My mother is a saint and I’ve lived with her my whole life. I’ve slept in the same bed with her for the last ten years because she has really bad COPD and I’m afraid she might die in her sleep so shut your fucking mouth if you don’t know what you’re talking about.

        • FuckHugh
          February 25, 2019 at 8:19 pm

          Hah! He said fuck Hugh you!

          Oh, my sides. You’re killing me.

        • bow chicka bow wow
          February 26, 2019 at 4:59 am

          Sleeping in the same bed with Mom?
          Seen a few pernergrafficks that start with that as the opening scene.
          “Oh No! He’s got a hard on! I really shouldn’t but it reminds me so much of his father and
          Daddy’s been gone for almost two years now! Maybe I’ll just touch it and oops, there it goes, falling into my mouth…”

  • Alex Hamilton
    February 25, 2019 at 12:46 pm

    This is what you do. Get a shit job. Quit. Say you lost you check. Get a replacement. Cash both checks at a check cashing place. When your stupid ex employer puts a stop payment on one they get a letter from the check cashing place saying you can’t stop payment on a check cashing place’s cashed check. LOL! Wonder how many bribes it took to get that little law passed?

  • Dingus Magoo
    February 25, 2019 at 12:43 pm

    She’s got to steal, crack ain’t free.

  • Francis Sidebottom
    February 25, 2019 at 12:36 pm

    I would bang her

  • Big Wick
    February 25, 2019 at 12:35 pm

    Sigh. Duck lips on social media. Why am I surprised?

  • z
    February 25, 2019 at 12:28 pm

    Jail time might be the only thing that saves her life.
    She looks about 3/4s way to dead.
    With a touch of make-up she’d fit in as an extra on the Walking Dead.
    If she’s out on bail, she’ll never make it to trial the way she’s going.

    Her lawyer would be smart to be stupid in her case and takes a loss on this one.
    Maybe drying out will set her straight.

    • Richyrich
      February 25, 2019 at 4:47 pm

      detoxing on ibuprofen at the county jail is not going to get her straight. It’s going to take a lot more than that. Jails are full of people doing just that, they get out and go right back to it.

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