Today’s “dumbest criminal” aware goes to Lauren Narhuminti of Wareham, who practically put the cuffs on herself for stealing and cashing checks, and stealing credit cards:
“A Wareham resident contacted the police department after not receiving new checks she had ordered on Wednesday, Feb. 6, police said. The individual was advised by her bank that not only had the checks been sent, but two of them had already been cashed. Detectives began working with bank investigators and found that the bank continued to receive stolen checks made out to a West Wareham resident, police said. The investigation widened when more checks from a local business were discovered, also made out to that individual, in this case involving a separate bank. The checks had been cashed or deposited into the individual’s account, at various banks in Wareham and the Upper-Cape area, police said.”
Stop right there. Hold on a minute. Now, I will readily admit I have no experience in cashing stolen checks, or so much as stealing checks for that matter, but I’m pretty sure that writing them out to yourself and depositing them into your account is unwise. Make it easy for the cops to locate you – you can’t. Your bank account has your full government name, social security number, and home address attached right to it. You might as well punch an old lady, take her purse, and leave behind your driver’s license, social security card and recent piece of addressed mail with her. It just seems really stupid to me. Shouldn’t she have, I don’t know, found one of the hundreds of unemployed crack mongers wandering the streets of Wareham at any hour of the day past noon and paid them a little to go to one of those seedy check cashing stores? I mean, if you’re going the criminal route, you should probably at least attempt to go about it without getting caught. Then again, look at this broad:
What are the odds she has “the disease”? You don’t get to be 90 pounds soaking wet and living in Wareham for your good life choices.
Just when you think it can’t possibly get any more stupid, it does.
“As detectives were closing in on the case, Wareham Police received a call from the local T.J. Maxx store regarding a found wallet on Feb. 13, police said. Officer Richard Robidoux responded and noted that the wallet contained checks from numerous banks and multiple credit cards with different names on them. Several of the checks were determined to be from the original victim and business, police said. All of the credit card holders were contacted and were unaware of the larceny of their cards. It was determined that the owner of the lost wallet was the same individual that detectives were investigating, police said. More than $2,000 had been stolen from just one of the victims, and detectives attempted to find the suspect.”
I know what she wasn’t spending more than $2,000 in stolen money on – an education. This chick goes out on a check cashing spree using her own bank account, then decides, “Nah, fam, not obvious enough”, stuffs her wallet full of all the incriminating evidence she can find, and drops it at the nearest discount clothing retailer. Jesus. If anyone deserves jail, it’s this broad. I can’t say definitively that she regularly swaps out the majority of her blood stream for Flacco’s sweet sticky black tar special, but with this epic failed caper and her “career” spoon-feeding apple sauce to granny while in her PJs,
And her “skipped a meal or two” physique as of late:
I’m definitely not counting it out.
I would love to hear this girl’s excuse for how this turned out. There definitely is none, but her thought process (or lack thereof) simply fascinates me. If you’ve made bail and want to defend your honor, Lauren, hit us up girl! There’s definitely a spot on this weekend’s Turtleboy Live for you!
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