Former Penguins forward Billy Tibbetts is pissed, you guys. The convicted sex offender and career criminal recently ran for Selectman for the town of Scituate, and….it didn’t go well, although I cannot imagine why. I mean….he already had ALL CAPS INTERNET SHOUTED out his victory….weeks before the election actually took place.
Bold move, cotton. Guess it didn’t pay off. If you ever wondered what it would be like if the “My New Haircut” guy ran for local office, Billy the Kid has you covered, bro. Just look through his Facebook page.
Nothing says “I will make sound responsible decisions for the betterment of my community quite like campaign videos shot during leg day in your mom’s garage. Except maybe shirtless videos inside your parents house?
Looks like a real serious candidate, ked.
Definitely vote for the middle-aged sex offender in knockoff Oakleys who wants to hang out with the town’s 18 year old kids after sweating it out in a judgement-free zone. He’s the fahking man for the job, bro.
Seriously, just look at this guy’s mad campaign skills, yo. He managed to single-handedly prove that he has no idea what the job actually entails,
Or any realistic expectation for the scope of power.
But he got himself a new fucking haircut!
I mean, the guy has plenty of experience running from police, so it’s a logical next step to run for office, amirite?
Well, turns out the town of Scituate is a bunch of fahking skanks, I guess.
Videos from Planet Fitness and a immaculately waxed chest peeking out of a pink polo works well enough during Happy hour at the mill, but not so much for local politics. It’s an easy mistake to make, plentyoffish.com and The Scituate Board of Selectman sound pretty much the same. But Billy didn’t take the L all that gracefully, regardless, and graced the internet with the most epic tantrum you could ever wish for.
This is the most bro-tastic thing I have ever seen in my entire life. Holy shit. I demand a recount. Please elect this man as your mascot. Local politics are using more boring than AM talk radio, but here comes Billy to add some real pizzazz, you fahking loosahs.
100% the best candidate possible. He would’ve bought a round of Jagerbombs for everyone in town, bruh. He would’ve made leg day a federal holiday, zoned in like 10 weed dispensaries, and banged ever MILF in town. This fahking guy would’ve done great things and thrown some wild keggers while doing them.
But you fucked up, Scituate. And you destroyed this career criminal and failed pro-athlete, perpetual man child’s spirit. Just look at him.
He’s more broken than the first six buttons of his shirt.
You made a mistake here. This is the roid-ragin’, tanned face of a CHAMPION.
Sure, he thinks you’re all white trash loosahs, despite the fact that he streams videos from his parent’s house where he undoubtedly resides, as his confused geriatric mother yells out “Are you talking to me?”. Yes, he’s a convicted rapist with a lengthy criminal record. His caps lock might be broken, and he has the public speaking skills of a drunken frat boy from Southie at a Bruins parade. Yes, he thinks for some reason not voting for him has cost you all money that you were not actually charged. And yeah, he openly loves weed and smokes it on camera while melting down over a small time political failure. So fahking what?
Sure, he calls you all stupid. So what if he has absolutely no basic knowledge of the way municipal governments work, because he inexplicably thinks the police chief is running the town? And yes, the elderly in town “literally disgust him” because they “gave him lip”. But he was the best candidate you could have prayed for, and you voted for….not him. Shame on you, Scituate. For shame.
Don’t you dare tell him to let it go, either. He can’t let it go. Because he had his heart set on making some real change, starting with moving out of his parents house and earning a little respect when he strolls in to AA meetings to ask out struggling 20 years olds for coffee and some 13th step. But you took that from him. You’re all really lucky he still has his sobriety and only had a couple of waters down at the Mill. Because if he gets arrested for drunkenly lighting bags of his own feces on fire in Scituate MA Police Chief Mike Stewart’s mailbox, we’ll all know who is to blame. Not Billy the Kid, but the town of Scituate. The. Entire. Fucking. Town. Nice going, ya nerds.
Can’t you see he just wanted to be a humble civil servant for his community full of disgusting white trash freaks, you morons? He loves this shithole town so much!
Look at what you’ve done. Just look at this big sad baby bawling his eyes out over a totally predictable loss. You took a convicted rapist, ex-con, middle-aged manbaby who still lives at home with his parents, and you murdered his dream. I hope you’re proud.