WTF

We Can All Agree The Captured Affluenza Kid Is Banging His Mom, Right?

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Here’s a bit of good news – the “affluenza” asshole who killed four people in a DUI, merely got probation because he was too rich to understand consequences, and then violated probation by playing beerpong and running away to Mexico with his Mom, has finally been apprehended.

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It goes without saying that this little dipshit needs to be in jail. That mustache alone should is criminal. Here’s my question – we all agree this kid is banging his Mom right?

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I mean, this whole relationship is bizarre. The plan was evidently to run away forever, most likely to a non-extradition country, and they even threw themselves a going away party. So like, this kid was just gonna live the rest of his life with his Mom as his best friend? That was the plan? I’d rather go to jail. But then again I’m not banging my Mom. That’s what makes me believe this kid is. No one would sign up for this unless the relationship was more than it appears to be.

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Honestly, it really wouldn’t surprise me. This is a woman who fed him drugs when he was 9 and threatened to kill herself:

Tonya had a pill addiction and that she’d given Vicodin to Ethan more than once. He said that she’d threatened to commit suicide and that she referred to 9-year-old Ethan as her “protector.” At the time, Ethan slept most nights in a separate bed his mother moved into her bedroom. 

It’s a woman who is going through a divorce and is trying to show her kid that she’s the cool parent. She is capable of anything, and more than likely she is banging her affluenza kid.

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As much as this kid is an asshole who needs to go to jail, there is actually something to this affluenza thing. This kid was raised by savages with way too much money. I mean, they got caught by ordering Mexican Domino’s Pizza with Mom’s cell phone, so obviously they’re both too dumb to understand how an international manhunt works. Plus, anyone who gets away with FOUR murders and still knowingly violates probation several times, obviously is a product of shitty parenting.

I’d say lock this kid up forever, but apparently since he was tried as a juvenile he can only get 120 days. Murica.

 

 

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Click on the image to get your Turtleboy Sports Revolution hoodie or browse other merchandise from the Turtleboy store.

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9 Comment(s)
  • Skeptical
    January 5, 2016 at 11:16 am

    This kid doesn’t need jail or juvi, he needs a mental institution. When a kid is 9 or younger, and the parent is someone like her, there is a near 0% chance they will ever turn out OK. I blame the mother, she is a psychotic drug addicted monster. And probably a child molester.

  • Purple Passion
    December 30, 2015 at 2:36 pm

    Why, good lord, didn’t they come to our sanctuary city? Ed Augustus could have driven in from Millis to present them with the keys to Worcester just as soon as Paul Moosey decided to plow.

  • Spankster
    December 30, 2015 at 1:19 pm

    There’s no doubt there was something going on between these two. Take a good look at them both. This kid couldn’t get laid on Main South even if he had a $50 bill in his mouth. She is just out there. I still can’t believe this happened in Texas. Supposedly a law and order state

  • BLADERUNNER
    December 30, 2015 at 11:45 am

    HE IS SPOILED GOODS,AND A SICK PUPPY,AND PERHAPS YOUR COMPLETELY RIGHT ABOUT THE RELATIONSHIP. AS THEY SAY IT TAKES ALL KINDS.IM NEVER SUPPRISED ANYMORE……………….

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